TLDR:
The whole “build a habit in 21 days” approach can act as a temporary behavioral band-aid. It doesn’t go deep enough and just causes self induced stress. Here’s what I’ve seen work and the anti-hack on “how to build habits”:
- Figure out your desired outcome in life.
- Pair that with a strong reason as to WHY you must accomplish/achieve that outcome. A reason so strong that it’ll make the random resistance you’ll meet along your way seem insignificant.
- Reverse engineer what must be done in order to fulfill that. If you follow this process you’ll have an immensely easier time performing the actions (habits) that you set out to perform.
“Discipline” is a Byproduct.
Discipline for discipline sake is nonsense, and is not sustainable. It’s also very interesting that people commonly ask veterans HOW to build better habits and become more disciplined because in the military we never used those terms. There was simply not a need.
How I Developed Discipline in the Special Forces
During advanced boot camp when my whole team and I were performing poorly, our officer pulled us into the tent. He asked us, “Why are you here?” After uncomfortable silence on our end he said, “look to your left and look to your right. If you don’t shape up and perform up to the standard that is NECESSARY, you very well may have to explain to the mother of the guy to your left or to your right, why their son was in the casket you just carried.”
That left an impact on all of us and made things so crystal clear as to why we needed to perform certain actions on a daily basis (aka habits). We never needed any extra help or motivation on how to get ourselves to perform at the elite level required.
Now, this is obviously an extreme example, but again it points to the fact that military people are disciplined, because they have to be.
We deal with such real and severe possible outcomes that there’s no need for additional tricks or hacks on HOW to forge good habits. The possibility of death is a strong enough motivator.
Application to Life
If instead of trying to be more disciplined, you were more outcome driven, good habits come more naturally.
If instead of creating habits and trying to perform random acts of discipline, you reverse engineered your desired outcome and understood WHY you must do certain things, wouldn’t it be so much easier to get accomplish the necessary tasks?
The Bad News
The elite discipline that is forged in the special forces community can’t be replicated as a hack, trick or a 21 day challenge. It’s a difficult and time consuming process to figure out where you truly want to get to in life and then reverse engineer what actions are absolutely necessary in order for you to get there. This requires you to get very honest and real about what you want out of life, what’s necessary in order to get there and if you’re willing to do that.
The Good News
Once you have that figured out, you’ll have more clarity. Once things become more clear it’s easier to find the motivation and discipline to perform the necessary actions.
Next Steps
Stop thinking/focusing on HOW to form habits. Figure out what is your ultimate goal in life, WHY you must accomplish that and only then reverse engineer the necessary daily/weekly/monthly actions (aka habits).
- Stop thinking/focusing on HOW to form habits.
- Figure out what is your ultimate goal in life (This will and SHOULD take time and effort)
- Reverse engineer the necessary daily/weekly/monthly/quarterly actions needed to accomplish your desired outcome.
- When you meet resistance, go back to your ultimate goal in life and DECIDE that your ultimate goal is more important than the resistance.
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