“The Ugliest, Scariest and Most Rewarding Work of My Life” | Elite Performance Podcast #19

Ian Horley 0:00
And the thing is, when you're doing a business, you can do an awful lot with strategy tactics, business acumen selling techniques, organizational structure, you know, systems thinking, applying systems, all that kind of good jazz that lots of people we know sort of really geek out on. The problem is that when this ain't working, and you suddenly undermine everything, by making weak decisions, you're screwed. You're undermining your business. And that's when I had to stand up and say, you have to put literally in in the back seat in the car, strap them in. I don't even have to show up.

Itamar Marani 0:31
Welcome to today's episode, guys. Today, we have Ian Horley with us. Ian is a client, a longtime client, also he is CEO of the company and went through the arena on her own. He's here because he has a very unique perspective on things. He's seen a lot of success through the coaching. And I wanted to ask him if he'd be willing to share some of the insights that he has, what the specific things are, that enabled him to have some success, and not some success, but a lot of success. And I'll share this. And also at the end of it, he actually has his key points and how to get the most out of coaching. And I'm really recording this from him. So without further ado, welcome to Emil, and also welcome, Ian, and thank you for being on in appreciate it.

Ian Horley 1:06
Hey, welcome, guys.

Itamar Marani 1:07
Alright, so Ian, could you please give people just kind of an overlook before the coaching? After the coaching? What's the transformation?

Ian Horley 1:14
Oh, well, really, before the coaching, you know, I don't want to say that things are bad, they were just, you know, everything was great on the surface. By great, what I mean is got a business hardly needs to spend a minute working on it, it throws out, it runs out of money, it's all doing great. I'm making this as short as possible. But to say that after the coaching, it's literally going through dub doublings in record time. So by that what I mean is not so much a number of people, but in terms of revenue, and much more importantly, in terms of actually profits coming out. So that's the kind of good stuff that you're you know, these beautiful entrepreneurs want to printers and curiosity, cats listening to this podcast want to hear right? And when it all was the numbers, and he doesn't have to work too hard, etc. But really, that's a that's really the bullshit. To be honest. It's Yes, it's there. Yes, anyone can get that. But I think the real difference, the real transformation was one of the largest causes of anxiety and, and sort of almost self loathing was the amount of anxiety I felt over financial insecurity, which comes all the way from my childhood, right through my adult life. So yes, success is great. But if you're not hanging on to your money, it's really difficult to call it a success. And this manifested itself in a way of, I have four kids. So every time I want to see my kids, it's a logistical. It's a major logistical move. I don't know how many of the people listening to this, I have even have kids or one I want to do it. But when you've got four kids living in two other countries, some of them not even on the end of one flight, but two, it basically means Yeah, when I want to see my kids restricts 22 flights I buy. So the idea of you know, optimizing points and stuff, it's just ridiculous. You blow through that in a short weekend. And this isn't even my fun. You know, this isn't even for fun. This is just so I can listen to my kids help them do their homework and tell them about where babies come from that kind of stuff. This is just the normal stuff that people have to do 22 flights. And I do that four times a year, plus other travel as well. And the difference was before the coaching is every time because I've been doing that for 1520 years. Every time I had to go through that process, which is frequently it would destroy my week, my anxiety levels go through the roof. And it just wasn't fun. What coaching has enabled is to create a business that is running so efficiently. And so how do you want to put it, it's not just the efficiency, with the with the lack of all the stuff that's holding it back and the unnecessary noise. Now when it's time to book flights, I booked them way in advance. I don't look at the optimizing the airline, the airline prices, I don't look at anything, I get the airline that gets the best timing, don't care about the price, I buy the fast track, all that kind of stuff. And I do that without even having to look into a bank account. Now Yeah, that is a problem that is solved by money. But I can tell you, I've been working very hard for a lot of years. I've had multiple businesses, and not at any point did any of the hard work, the multiple businesses, the fancy productized service business model, the lifestyle coaching or anything else, not at any point that improve any of the situation whatsoever. The single only thing that has improved the situation is the results of the coaching and for clarity for everyone like it's a must get through it. I've actually worked with a meal in the past twice. So I've gone back to him for a second helping because to be frank that probably saved my life at some point and with Itamar I've started a second round. So I'm gonna this is important for something when it comes to later and also for I can say the person who runs the company. They're going through a second round of arena as well. I do the one on I'm on coaching. Like I'm, I'm I put everything on me. That's it. So that's the kind of before and after. So probably everyone wants to know. Great. So how many millions are you making? Yeah, I'm not gonna go into the details that earnings is bullshit. I make more money than I could spend. Yeah, that's it. Yep.

Itamar Marani 5:18
So I want to dive into that, because you said that the main, you've been doing all these kind of things before building the businesses, nothing changed with your technical knowledge. We never worked on your business knowledge, for example. And I'd love for you to dive into said, Okay, so what's changed? If the technical knowledge stayed the same? Why did the business change? And what did you as the founder do with yourself your own process, your own journey to enable that change both for yourself and the business?

Ian Horley 5:44
Okay, so I mean, that's, that's a huge answer to unpack what changed? I mean, I'm going to come with a cute answer. I'll come with a cute answer that encapsulates it really, I heard somewhere unaware that a business's growth and success is 80% Limited, they use the word limited, but comes down to the psychology of the founder. Your psychology drives your emotions, or doesn't necessarily drive them but helps you have a relationship with your emotions, your emotions, drive your decisions, the quality of your decisions, decide whether or not you end up with a successful business or not. That is a large part. It's not all of it, but it's a very large part. So actually, what happened was my decision making process, as well as some decision making frameworks and I've also learned as well, but not is not making decisions based out of fear. And based on being driven out of old, old our what do we call them, like mindsets, old beliefs, that were actually sabotaging? So what's changed? We're gonna said this could be an enormous answer really, is the removal of sabotaging behaviors that were causing me to start businesses do really well, and then suddenly find a way to screw them up on my the other psychology site for psychological reasons. And that sounds absolutely ridiculous to someone who's never tried it, you speak to any coach, they'll go, oh, no, almost everybody does that. It's just there's a difference. There's some people take themselves seriously in their business serious and want to build something bigger than themselves. And some just want to wing it. And the ones who want to wing it, their psychology is going to screw something up somewhere. So what changed really was that is that psychology to not respond to or let fear steer important decisions in the business and make the bold moves. And business is a tough place, man. I've got all the frameworks and I can I know all the time that I know, tactics to build a business, I know how to put teams together how to operationalize them, and I had to come up with strategies, I can negotiate, I can sell the prints off anything, and all that good stuff. But it doesn't matter if there's something in you that's going to sabotage it as soon as the success starts to make itself evidence.

Itamar Marani 7:54
Yeah. So that I want to add to that it does. And that's what I was thinking, from my perspective as well working with you. And the way I look at it, a lot of times it's an access issue. Like you've had decades of experience in business, your as your business savviness is extremely, extremely high. But the reality is, you know, someone has an extremely high business savviness. But their constraint is to access it because of their beliefs, like you said, mindsets, whatever it may be that it doesn't matter. It's irrelevant, almost, because they can only get what they can access. And I think that's the big thing that most people are not willing to accept that. It's not about you growing a bigger pie. It's about you doing the work. So you can access everything you have right now, usually just that is going to create giant gains. Would you say that's accurate? Yeah, totally. Cool. So with that said, I know you have your list of things that you wanted to go over and say kind of use your process. And they aren't in chronological order. But they're all basically these seven things are what I think when I viewed from the sidelines, what enabled you to actually go through that process. So I'd love for you just to go into it man,

Ian Horley 8:56
like your first correct. So what I didn't want to do is make this a, like an online therapy session for everyone, everyone to watch and gloat over. I didn't want to make it all about me. Actually, what I want to make it about is, like I said is the entrepreneurs want to progress and curiosity kept listening to this and serve them better. Because any good coaching, I will have a tool belt with a lot of good frameworks, ideas and methods. And by me sharing the ones that worked for me because sometimes you had to try two or three times to get to get to something. And it's the one that cracked it, the ones that cracked it for me. So if you want to see what it's like coming out the other side, being able to pay for anything you want and the lifestyle you want. These are the things that unlocked it for me with all of my years of experience, right? And all of my tenacity and all my hard work and my savviness and all this kind of stuff. Getting through to someone like me, is really hard. Because I've been used to people telling me I can't do shit, or the shit I want to do won't work and everything and I'll prove them all wrong again and again and again. So trying to get me to follow something as me will also probably say it can be very frustrating. Because I consult myself and you out of almost anything. So what the way I've structured this is I've come up with seven of those, those, what do you want to say like tools that cracked the code along the journey, and allowed us to make rapid progress. So I'm gonna start with those seven. But I also then have some revisions, and there's gonna be some gnarly ones in there. So stay tuned if you want some good disaster porn. And also, at the end, the three things that I believe, enable an entrepreneur who's busy, has a lot of busy, is busy and can get the most out of coaching, when there's a limited amount of time or attention, you can give something that is so fundamental to the psychology and how your day goes. So because you're watching this, you're going to be making some investments. And to get the most out of those investments, you really want to have some frameworks going into it at first as well. And they may not be very obvious. And just to be very clear, as well, I also, you know, I don't work. I mean, the biggest work I've done has been like with a meal and an EMR. And then I've also had help from other people as well. And I think actually a meal and a couple of you know, know who those people are, too. So it's really about putting how you put a team around yourself to make yourself win. Right. So if it's alright, I'll just get straight, keep them super short. And stop me if you want clarification on them. But I'll start with this. And you ask for more if you want it. So the first one really right off the bat on day one was playing the me game. And that's something I've struggled with because from our from my whole life, and I've been playing someone else's game as we know, authority figure in my life, making everything they wanted in the world come come come through. And then the behaviors that come from those authority figures from my younger life, driving me to choose certain other non optimal relationships in my life after that. So really, it was playing the me game was very, very difficult to get my head. So we had to work in we started switch to something called the the free end game. So what would a free end now free? Like I just said at the beginning, I can buy flights, I can do anything I want, anywhere I want any minute for as long as I like, don't have to look in the bank account to do it. But in my mind, I'm inside a prison.

Itamar Marani 12:23
Right? Can I dive in? Yeah. So there's a difference between freedom to and freedom from you, we're free to buy flights, buy cars, whatever it may be. But when we don't have the freedom from from certain things in our mind, that hold us back that cause anxiety, the stories we tell ourselves, these figures from our past that still hold over us, we don't have real freedom, it has to be with the freedom to and the freedom from. And that's where there was a misalignment that was a constraint you didn't have the freedom from that past of yours. And that's what didn't enable you to have that free outlet, like what do you actually want in life? Forget about what I feel I need to do in order to justify this, or when this other person's game, but what do I actually want? You weren't free yet to really figure that out and explore it. Correct? You say that's accurate? Yeah, it's 100%.

Ian Horley 13:06
Accurate. And the funny thing is, you know, we got through, this was the first session on the one on ones that not the first hour, but the first block of time we use. At one point, I turned around and said, Oh, I've just realized something, I don't need to play the play free Ian going anymore, because the EN is free now. So it's just the hip and knee game. That's it, it went all the way full circle back to where we tried to start with, I just couldn't get there without understanding of the free two and free from scenario. Yeah, so that was a funny conclusion.

Dr. Emil 13:37
Just to jump in there as well, because you mentioned at the start that your business previously was, it was successful, it was, you know, you know, as you say, throwing off money, and you had the car and everything else. And you could have done a lot of these things. But it was it was something else that you needed to get rid of, as we say the free from and free to. And the reason I mentioned this is because I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who have businesses, which are doing fine, but there's still something missing. And that is where you took action and, you know, started working with Itamar and that's where you had to change not only to making a load more money, but also to finding this, this mental freedom from from the inner resistance, right, which we'll go into. And that's really important for other people listening who, you know, their business is doing fine. But there's something missing, there's something not in alignment, there's something not quite right. And that is not acceptable. That needs to change the that's that's not accepting the six or seven out of 10 life and looking for the for the 10 out of 10. So I just wanted to kind of highlight that because you started and said, Look, my business was doing great, but still there was something missing. So yeah,

Itamar Marani 14:52
and I think it's great that Emil brought this up honestly, because also a lot of people probably listening and people have this perception of what traditionally to accept is good Enough? And what I think you're saying, I mean, no, you don't actually have to do that you don't have to accept that this is just good enough, you can also have the freedom to and the freedom from where things are really aligned. And to be frank also, like things, the freedom to also grew a lot. Once you became free from that, it kind of affects each other chicken and egg, that'd be correct. The business grew a lot. It's a part of it, it works together.

Ian Horley 15:27
Yeah, and you can do a lot, you know, just for the money in the beginning. So enough that word enough is, man, I'm gonna puke all over that word, right now I can, I can hear every one of this one. Enough. It's really good. When you kind of go around hanging out and trying to work out if it's going to be your biggest your biggest issue when you're driving to town is whether you're going to have flip flops or sneakers with you, or whatever the EFF is going on. And you say, hey, enough's enough, you know, make 20 grand a month, man, it's all great. Yeah, yeah, I'll tell you what, four kids will cure you of that one

Itamar Marani 15:52
real quick.

Ian Horley 15:59
At some point, they will start getting married, or hopefully not getting sick or whatever, and you're gonna be flying around the world, and you're not gonna be wanting to fly around sort of on your fucking airpoints. You know, you're gonna you need to get there. There's no, there's no, nothing there. So you'll be cured really quick. And if you don't go for 10x, what do you need? When when your life requires 10x? Yes, you're screwed, you don't have the operating system required to get there. So it's far better to go in and sort that psychology out early, because you're going to need it at some point. And especially if you don't get sick, if you get sick as well. And then you're trying to do it when you got to, you know, when you're when you're trying to do all this, and you're not optimized health as well. Because, you know, hey, you're done. You're toast. You're standing there waiting for the bus instead of driving past it in the new Range Rover. Yeah, which one do you want? You ain't gonna be so cool anymore.

Itamar Marani 16:46
Yeah. Alright, so to kind of summarize this point, one is really to play the free game. And to accept that you got to recognize there's probably a lot of biases, that you have a lot of beliefs and how you should be doing what you should be doing a lot of constructs. So you got to break and you got to have self identify first, what do you really want? That's number one, correct? Yeah. Got it. Beautiful. Number two,

Ian Horley 17:07
there's a great seven intellectual model that says in any so the point of this one, the catch line here is about removing what's holding you back, it's removing is the fastest way to growth, rather than adding things in there. That sounds really nice. And then if you look at it, another way I've heard it said is in any equilibrium, if you're trying to move forwards, if you need to pull harder against against something pulling it back, you have more tension in the system, you need more tension pulling forward to overcome the tension back. So the fastest way to make gains is to remove what's holding me back. Right. That's all great. I can intellectualize that very easily, I get that. But applying it was really what I've been trying to do it for years, wasn't really working. And the one little thing that the exercise we did, I think it was probably in about our second hour together, was when you said that the thing holding you back is a belief. So I was always looking for a thing, like a process, or a workflow, or an automation, or a person or a cook or a cleaner or a frickin trainer or whatever the hell it is something

Itamar Marani 18:11
that you needed, basically. Yeah,

Ian Horley 18:14
but actually, everything that was on that was beliefs. And the wonderful thing about beliefs, once you pointed out what a belief is, usually, again, they're based around fear normally, I'll let you cover that one. I think you're the expert on this, once identified as a belief, and you said, if it's a belief, a coping mechanism for some kind of trauma, or whatever it's happened in your past, if you put that belief in place, you're also free to take it out and replace it with a belief that is effective, which is going to come on to my next point, which I might as well get through to number two immediately. Because what I liked about when you then said, there's no, I may be misquoting you now. But this is how I interpreted it was. It's not so much there's good beliefs and bad beliefs. There's just effective beliefs and non effective police. And an effective belief means that whatever your outcome is, whichever mountain you're standing on top of them look up, and there's even big amounts, it doesn't really matter. There's either effective or ineffective, good or bad actually puts constraints around you which are not necessary. They themselves are also beliefs. But effective just means what is working for me, gives me the happiness and the money. And by the way, there's two big equations there. Because if business was going great, I had to force myself to not do business not work, but didn't know what to actually do in the non work time. So I would just sit on the sofa let you because I didn't know what to do. I've never had that model. I've just worked on my life. So the effective belief is once it's once it's an effective belief, it's making anything in the world happen that you want to happen. So that was it. That was a two part of that one. So removing what's holding you back and what's holding you back or beliefs. And there are effective beliefs and non effective beliefs rather than good or bad. Go for it.

Itamar Marani 19:54
I'll share my perspective on this. So to kind of clarify this, I think what holds most Go back is not a belief, it's a fear. And that fear causes them to act in a way that's irrational or logical and doesn't actually serve their goal. And they think they're actually optimizing towards a specific goal, but they're actually optimizing towards a certain fear. They don't want to feel an unpleasant emotion that again, is invoked by a fear. That's what they're actually optimizing for. Yeah, a fear like kind of the real the Senate a fear as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that something or someone is going to cause you pain, harm, or is a threat. It's unpleasant emotion caused by belief. Now, belief is just something that you hold to be true for you. And this is the big part that people don't understand a lot of times, I believe, isn't fact it's not science, gravity is not a belief, gravity's effect. If you jump from building, you will fall regardless of what you believe that is a fact. Now, a lot of times our past caused us to believe certain things that this is just how the world is. Or if I do this, this equals that. And these kinds of beliefs, they really hold people back, because they don't enable them to see reality for its full spectrum. And what are you just saying about effective or not? It's like, you just have this perception of if I do this, this is just what it means. But first off, that's not true. It's not an absolute truth. I can falsify it, I can challenge that we can say, is this true for somebody else? Is this true within this context? There was not an absolute truth, and it's just a belief. Yeah. And then you can say, what, what else is actually true here? And what would be more effective for me to lean into? And also, just to clarify, everything that you're saying about effective beliefs, we never made something up. We never like, Oh, I'd like to believe that I'm a unicorn. It's never that it was, this is really crucial to it still has to be true. And then you say, Okay, this is a truth I want to focus on, I wouldn't call it an effective belief, I call it a truth worth focusing on. Does that make sense to you? And as I click

Ian Horley 21:46
Yeah, but today, what I'm gonna do now, right, just to go for this good knowing, knowing I'm gonna be the advocate here for the person receiving the coaching, right? And, and when you're receiving the code, because this is this is what I said, this was my mandate coming into this. I'm looking, I'm telling people how to think this way, when you're receiving this way. It's a minute set is 100%. Right? Okay. The thing is, when you use the word fear, especially while you're very old people like me, they go, Yeah, and I'm not scared. And when I am scared, I just overcome it. And I'm done. I use the word fear. And by the way, you know, fear is like running up to the policeman going, I didn't burn like that. I'm not scared. Yeah, no, no, you just told everyone, you're scared. So the thing that actually unlocked it for me was using the word belief, because I know a belief is something I have a bit more control over. And that backs you into the whole fear conversation nicely. So the word belief actually, for me, and this is not going to be the same for everybody. Everyone's going to have their own, you're going to do your work with everybody. And it's going to come out in different ways. But for me, definitely, until it was identified as a belief I put in, so that I knew which was my relationship to fear. I could change my relationship to fear when we started at fear. It didn't think it just wouldn't go in. I've done something I'm scared. Is there anyone down? You guys have met me, right? Yeah, not really, really, I don't really have much problem with that. Also, there's the word just, you said just hold to be true for you. And the word just isn't, I don't believe is a is. It's not just it ain't easy hold to be true for me. Yeah, I've been holding it since I was a kid. Since you know, I'm going to, I'm not going to tell everyone about myself a lot of be happy to. But you know, I didn't get the bike for Christmas. And I've been holding on to that belief for a long time. So just holding the idea that it's something that I'm just holding on to actually be a bit a little bit heated a little bit makes it almost impossible to do. And I think a great person once said, It's my you might know who it was something along the lines of we are prepared to change up any belief, except for the ones we truly believe in. Yeah, right. Okay. And if you truly believe in it, because it's been ingrained in your life, and it's been your friend for so long, it has avoided you from getting into this uncomfortable situations, it's been your friend, you don't have that friend go. So it's hard, man, this is hard work. And those literary agencies, unlocked it, and turn the hard work into an easy model to start doing more hard work on. And until that happened, no one had ever broken through with them. No one had ever broken through to me.

Itamar Marani 24:21
So first of all, I appreciate you telling me that I just improved right now and appreciate you giving me that feedback. I want to say this beyond the hard work. And this is something that you don't have here in your notes. But one of the biggest meta things with all these steps that was always involved in your end that you display a lot of courage. It requires courage to sanitize. This is a friend that's been with me for decades now for my whole life, saying okay, I'm willing to try to put this aside and see what's another side. It requires courage. And I think that's a prerequisite to doing any of this work. It's important we didn't cover like I don't think you get to where you are. If you aren't able to display that courage and really lean into that and like for that man, I commend you and I've said this many times. It's like that's, that's really the big deal, human.

Ian Horley 25:06
Thank you. Appreciate you. Thanks for sticking with me and not letting me off the hook.

Itamar Marani 25:14
Alright, so

Ian Horley 25:15
Okay, so if I can, Emil, your right to move on?

Dr. Emil 25:19
Yeah, I just want to add a little bit but I won't spend too long. The fear is the subconscious part that people don't know that they're not aware it's a fear. And what they often are aware of is the upstream stuff, what I call symptoms of that fear. And once you start to gain clarity, then you know what Itamar does is shines a light on beliefs, which are still another symptom of the fear. So that's what you come across. That's what you understand. And it makes a lot of sense to me. That's why you associate with the belief rather than the fear. But what you mentioned at the beginning was even more upstream stuff, which are the very superficial symptoms, like you said, you were trying to fix this internal problem, this subconscious hidden problem, which you couldn't define with these external, superficial things. And you're never going to fix an internal problem with an external intervention. And I liken it to playing whack a mole. So you see a problem comes up, you whack it down, another problem comes up, you whack it down. But as long as you never deal with this core, fear, draw it, shine a light on it and deal with it, you're just going to be playing Whack a Mole endlessly. So I just wanted to kind of reiterate that, because that's what people associate with they're, they're taking these actions to deal with these things. They think they're making progress, but they're not because they're never addressing the core thing.

Ian Horley 26:43
That's what coaching does, it's like they're in blind spots. And the whole point of the blind spot is you can't frickin see. You need someone to talk to. Yeah, it's take somebody else to do it, trying to do it yourself is loop is just complete.

Dr. Emil 26:58
And then ideally, give you a roadmap to overcome it. So shine a light on it is one step. And then these are the steps to get to get past it. And this is rationally challenging beliefs. Because it's all well and good saying, Look, you have a fear of unworthiness or fear of abandoned abandonment, or you this is what therapy does. It's like, this is what's there. You're like, okay, good. I feel warm and fuzzy inside. Now what Yeah, and this is where, you know, okay, this is what you need to do, you need to bring these beliefs to the light, you need to rationally challenge them, and you need to plan to, to overcoming them.

Ian Horley 27:32
warm and fuzzy feeling.

Itamar Marani 27:37
I mean, this is your dog, as soon as you said that,

Ian Horley 27:39
that's what you want. Go into business, or don't try and do a proper business. Just hang out on hope you never have kids. And

Itamar Marani 27:46
I think beyond that, like the warm and fuzzy feeling. It's, it's nice and great. But what you want beyond the warm, fuzzy feeling, you want a long lasting results. Yeah. And that's a differentiator. And the

Ian Horley 27:57
result is happiness, which is the ultimate warm, fuzzy feeling. But you have to go through some stuff to get to it.

Itamar Marani 28:03
I think beyond happiness, it's pride. When you actually go through the hard stuff, you're able to come up with a side above happiness, there's pride. Great. And I think that's like the biggest thing when I see you today, I see a very, very proud individual. And that's why I'm so happy. I always see you. Because you can see that it's a very different look. You know what I mean?

Ian Horley 28:20
Everyone says it shows up now. Yeah, much better. Good. Alright, so the who's driving my story, right? So number four? Yeah, number four. Thank you for yes. So I covered this in a testimonial for you, which is a bit more so we will be therapy, and I'm kind of discussion. There was a at least one but one definite authority figure from my childhood into my adolescence, actually, who has a specific style of controlling people very much involves barking at you, and putting you down and getting you down. And what I noticed, so this is one of the if I had to come up with one of the concrete things that really changed the business, that you can turn into money immediately. So yeah, you know, good therapy ain't cheap, but I made my money back on it's more in the well within the site. Well, inside the time that I've spent it well inside actual dollars and cents, not one day, it will be better because there's I mean, right in the moment, is when you're trying to build a business that has people in it. And I don't know how you could build a business without people in it unless you do something very derivative and kind of, in my word, almost meaningless, like stocks Kryptos and these kinds of things, if you're trying to build a business with value in it, right? You can either be you're gonna be recruiting people, that's recruiting people to your team, or recruiting customers to your to your mission. But one way or the other, you're recruiting it because selling the someone doesn't really happen the real sell has not until they're recruiting they keep paying you right so

Itamar Marani 30:01
When

Ian Horley 30:02
somebody would speak to me in that home, despite all my, you know, broad shoulders, forceful nature, persuasiveness, confidence, all these other things. What I didn't realize is that literally shut up. Because Lilian has been showing up nearly all my life, I just didn't know it. So all all the circumstances in my life were sabotaging occurred. Progress was fought it literally sabbat in literally great success, do great things. Something happens literally in shows up and makes it makes a decision that is bad for the business or whatever bad for me back to the business. And that destroys the value, you build up the value, you're trying to build the you know, the enterprise value, you're trying to lock into a vault to build a business goes at that moment. And what really was worth at the time was working with this mind with another got another person that this point came up at exactly the same time. And really, the words that changed it for me was when when I would say when that certain person inside my business spoke to me in a certain way, I would immediately start to try and make them feel good, right? Oh, I don't know, don't don't worry about that I can maybe we could change your role. This way, we could change your role. That way. If I gave you this model over here, no matter which solution I really offered them, they would always decline it. Because I found out what really they're doing is nothing to do with what they really want. They just want the control. They just that personality that likes doing that rough darky that kind of voice, right. And once I once I was told, because I was asked, you know, I was asked what? What do you feel when you hear that barking sound from other people as well. I say, Well, I appease them, because I want to protect their feelings. Maybe they weren't No, you're not protecting their feelings. You're protecting literally in your making the barking stop, and literally image shuffled off and maybe do more homework or mow the lawns and extra time or do whatever. But he wasn't attacking, it wasn't a grown up. And the thing is, when you're doing a business, you can do an awful lot with strategy tactics, business acumen selling techniques, organizational structure, you know, systems, thinking, applying systems, all that kind of good jazz, that lots of people we know sort of really geek out on. The problem is that when this ain't working, and you suddenly undermine everything, by making weak decisions, you're screwed. You're undermining your business. And that's when I had to stand up and say, you have to put literally in in the backseat of the car struck me and I don't even have to show up. And then anyone who's met me hearing that there was a model of me where literally in would show up would probably pretty mind blowing to them, which is why I'm sharing it now. It hurts me saying it out loud because people listening to this make fun what assessing was not my I'm not bleeding. I pulled off some big stunts in my life. But still, all this time later. It wasn't until Itamar and, you know, the help them getting externally as well understood that moment, the really big decisions that nearly ones that most people don't want to do, are not being made. The second and the efficacy of this was within half an hour. I came off a call with Itamar I stood up and a quick glass of water went in made a decision that went and you know what? All the bulky people that piss off really quick because they're just bullies. They're just weak bullies. Actually, they didn't care about me and so that I was even thinking about them down gone since then. And I want to announce this right now. As of this morning, I checked before this call marks the one year anniversary from that person being allowed to control anything in this business whatsoever. We can be fair and the business has I don't want to give away numbers here. The business has not doubled it has trebled in a year that took us four years to get to exactly one year, and it has exactly trebled today, like in the numbers. So if anyone wants to know what the power of that is yet, trebling an already pretty impressive big number, with no effort whatsoever. And in those eight months of that year, I'm the only work in the business. I've done a lot of work on myself, I'm not done working really inside the business in any way at all. Whereas before I was constantly going in appeasing these people who were trying to steer me, always jumping in trying to fix this and fix that now for all the people I put in charge of the business are also being coached by Itamar right now, that also helps, but anyway,

Itamar Marani 34:28
I do want it first off. That's awesome. Although I want to add a couple of things here. The last thing you said that I haven't worked on the business I've worked on on me. It's a paradoxical thing, because as the founder, you are the main asset of the business. And that's something that we spoken about, like the founder working on himself is him working on the business, especially if you can release a lot of things. And I would hope a lot more people be able to recognize that and own it. That's one another thing you mentioned was that the biggest thing that Isaac the way that you weren't aware that this was going on? It's not that you were aware this was going on, but we're having a really hard time to deal with it. It's that old quote, we keep reverting to that until you make the unconscious conscious that wrecks your life. And you call it fake shedding and like how you said, shedding a light on that blind spot. What was really, really impressive with me when I when we were going through this is that the moment we shone a light on this, and you figured out what was going on. I remember it was tough for you. But like you said, 30 minutes later, you send me a message done, he's out. And that's what I was saying a couple of minutes ago. That's the courage part. When you can have both the understanding and the courage to say, oh, man, this feels uncomfortable. But I'm going to trust that this is the right thing to do and have the courage to act on it. That's why you get these results, man. And for everyone who's listening this it's a prerequisite courage is a prerequisite in didn't wait until it felt fully comfortable and fully aligned. And it was just easy peasy. And then he did it. He did it was that courage gap, that gap of like uncertainty, he's still jumped that gap. And that's why you have this success. And really feel like you want to jump in here.

Dr. Emil 36:06
I just want to clarify this courage thing because courage is a word which is thrown around so much, and to the point of being meaningless. The key in this example was taking the action taking the hard choice in the moment. And that required courage. And essentially, for the purposes of this courage is taking the action despite all of the feelings, call it fear, call it discomfort, call it whatever.

Itamar Marani 36:31
A lack of 100% confidence. Exactly.

Dr. Emil 36:35
Exactly. Yeah. Action is the key.

Ian Horley 36:39
And this is predominantly I'm imagining entrepreneurs, type people listening to this. But if it's not, there are plenty of people in companies and I come from the corporate world originally, who find the people who make hard decisions all the time, and not the ones who own the company, and go down with a sink, they will still get there leaving bonuses or their bonuses or their salary. They've never they've never gambled their money. Maybe they gamble a little bit of their reputation, but they know they can bounce back and get more money. It's a completely different world, when you're an entrepreneur. And you feel responsible for the company as well, you've responsible for, you know, the dozens of livelihoods that kind of live on you. And your you know, it's just totally different than being in a company that where other people pay you. And you're standing on top of systems that were built by other people. There's just no comparison. So if anyone's thinking, Oh, this should be easy. I do this kind of thing all the time. If you're going I do this all the time. This is really easy peasy. You're fucking nowhere near the truth data. Period.

Itamar Marani 37:37
Yeah, well said. Alright, so we move on to number five.

Ian Horley 37:41
Yeah, let's go. So this is actually a big one. But it should be hopefully quite a quick one. And it was a metaphor you came up with it was that's that's huge, which is what you want. Right? And you and everyone who works with me. I don't know how you guys stay with it. Because I genuinely did not know what I wanted. I had a bunch of things that I've written down in 2016 that I knew I said I wanted but they always involved other people. I want to be with these people. I want to be with those people. And I had this and I was holding on to this for a long time. I want to share great shared experiences my family and I want of course I'm always things but when someone says what do you want when no one else is there? What do you want? It was absolute blank. totally blank. I cannot answer the question. Because from a young age, any the word I want these words have been spoken in my family. The word I want should be removed from the English language. You should never say I want anything it should be what can I do for you? That's how I was brought up. Right? Okay. Which is interesting because the people who teach you that they want everything and they just really want you not to want something so you can do their shit for them. That's actually what's going on. So when someone says I want I was an absolute blank, and what got me through this was you change tack at some point, I think one week didn't you know, it was a tricky one. We said okay, think of it this way instead, if you don't know what you want, and this concept we need to get to try and think of it like Michelangelo's David the statute there's a big block of marble and um my butcher this a little bit to correct me but basically when asked, How would you rate a statue insight from from this block of marble, he says under the statues always in there. It's what I removed. So I just keep removing granite until the statue reveals itself inside. And the and the words you then said immediately afterwards, we kind of went to the same point almost immediately because we both soon as you said it, I realized what you were saying is what I find in the very core of what I want. Maybe I use the word immature and you said underdeveloped because the part of me from my all going all the way back which involves what do I want was never developed. It was never a muscle. It was never a choice even thought I had I always did what other Whew, there's no there's no surprise that I chose to spend significant amounts of my life with people who dominated, dominated every part of my waking day, even when I slept on the sofa. So it's, it's going to be under developed, you're going to be a child, and you warned me one thing. You said, you may not necessarily like what you find inside because you don't know what it is, it's never been developed. I've not decided yet whether I like that thing or the middle actually, for me, I love it. It's me, it's the it's the, it's the foundations of what's built everything else, it just didn't know what was there and it's underdeveloped. Now, having shared a lot of that access model, in our first series of sessions, that's why I signed up forget for another set is because we're now working on building the life I really want. Because now, the business part of it, the bit that most people watching this are probably really going, Oh, just give me the business tips, you know, I think they're gonna get all the shortcuts, etc. If that's your, if that's your attitude, sign up, sign up for this tomorrow and get some proof pretty quick, because you just won't get either of them. But when the money side, everything is there, and that's all functioning. And then I sorted myself out now sorted myself out. The business side also happens to be going up to up through the roof. So both things start working really well. So no matter how much success you think you have in business, if the bit that you is underdeveloped in any way, start working on that, because the business thing goes up through the roof, and then suddenly, you're a lot happier, or definitely I am. And I'm still now, what I want these options to be. But yeah, I'm so excited. I did for like, Jasmine, you know, just off the charts, never realized this was even a possibility to be this good.

Itamar Marani 41:46
is awesome. I mean, do you have anything you want to ask about this? For add

Dr. Emil 41:50
on about this one? No, this is well explained.

Itamar Marani 41:55
Okay, I'll give a little overarching synopsis of this. So what most people say or think that they want isn't what they actually want. It just what they hope it was all of a sudden insecurity. And that's why people get to this later stage in life, and they don't know what they want. Because their whole life they've been spending and trying to figure out well, I have this insecurity that I'm not aware of. And maybe if I do these things, I won't feel this insecurity anymore. I won't feel this way. But I don't want to feel. And for a lot of people, they try to overcompensate with money with drugs was whatever it may be with a lot of people around them because they don't want to they want to be preoccupied with something. And it's an interesting thing, once you remove people's main insecurities, there's kind of like a gap. They're saying, Well, what do I actually want? Now I don't feel a need to optimize to resolve these insecurities. So what do I want, and it's a beautiful transition, it is a bit. It's a challenging transition, because all of a sudden, you have to face the truth that I don't really know what I want. And a lot of people shy away from it. But again, this is again, where you leaned into, say, You know what, I want to explore this. So again, like hats off to you for doing this man.

Ian Horley 42:59
Excellent. Thank you. So the next one, number six, bad fuel. What drives you? What fuels your engine, and when you're on bad fuel, what it makes you do versus when you're running good, clean fuel. So there's a key point, I'm going to come to the second part. So the first part is bad fuel. My bad fuel was trying to prove to somebody else that I was clever. Because that authority figure, their catchphrase is almost Well, of course. So basically, no matter how great you think you want them, and I believe try it, no matter what you've done, no matter what you know, in the world, it's always worth the cost. Get under me quickly and get ideas by the station. So this bad fuel of always wanting to prove my worth drove me to do some pretty crazy stuff. Right? I did I did prove myself. I did prove that I've got a lot of jokes. Part of it was the business the way I worked inside the business I created a business model that is or that everyone else said can't be done. Not ever prove that can be done, but I proved it can crush it. They just don't know how to do it themselves or they haven't done it yet. Now, what I did was is I'm not gonna go into a hard work porn story of how hard I worked on it, but put it this way. Drive to pick up my four kids told me to car drive 1600 miles to six countries to take them on a holiday. At the end of 1600 Miles feed them getting the hotel room still wake up at five in the morning to record to record two videos for the modules have that to then drive another data set. I mean, we're talking about really really really working hard.

Dr. Emil 44:37
I remember this period, you really were

Ian Horley 44:42
warning me like this guy is gonna just pop and then I pop. Yeah, yeah. Hospital. Yeah. I know how to drive myself really hard. And what I learned after the fact was

Itamar Marani 44:56
wait, I want to pause for a second. Yeah, cuz the Veneto. Here is important now that you know how to drive yourself really hard that you had something that was driving you really hard in the wrong direction.

Ian Horley 45:07
That's a better choice of words that Yeah, and

Itamar Marani 45:09
you were saying here about this just dirty fuel trying to prove people wrong. This is again, going away from us playing what we really want. What do I really want? Were actually just trying to waste so much energy and prove somebody wrong, that we end up going in the wrong directions. Yes, it will prove them wrong. Possibly, probably not. But possibly, but it's not what we actually want. And we're expending so much energy on that. And that's the fallacy that a lot of times people think, if I'm trying to prove somebody wrong, I'll see success. You might succeed in what you're trying to do. But it's not success, because they won't give you real happiness and competition, whatever you want to call

Ian Horley 45:43
100%. Correct. Yeah, you got that better than I did there. So. So just that, you know, as well, this authority figure happened to see the business model I was building in 2017. So not not the online learning program that teaches how I did it, but the actual program, and it was another one of those? Well, of course, there's nothing special there. It's just no course that's what people do, man, you can't see it. You just can't see it. That's the difference, right? Anyway, there are. So I've still got another bunch of sessions. Because you can see now that I have finally woken up to the what the bad fuel looked like, which is now my any frustration I have now is the fact that I ever let any of this stuff get to me. So please, if you're a lot younger than me, and nearly all of you will be addressed this earlier than I did.

Itamar Marani 46:30
So can I give my honest perspective going on, is that course was in you, the IRS and thing, what you really wanted to get out, of course, what you thought you wanted, was to give people a phenomenal tool to build a better life for themselves. And I remember we'd be talking about this back in the day before we started working together, you're flushing this idea. I want to have agency owners be able to live a better life. That's what you thought you wanted. The reality is what you truly wanted was to prove that voice wrong, that you could put out something really, really clever and really, really smart and be respected and appreciate. And because that was the actual thing that was driving you, you went beyond what was actually necessary. And that's why people almost got bewildered by like the there's so much in the course. Yeah, but that'd be accurate. And I think it's so important for people to hear this, a lot of people think that this dirty fuel, the anger, the rage, whatever it may be, it's what's going to lead them to success. It's not, it will lead you to succeed in the wrong Avenue. It'll push you really, really hard. It is amazing fuel, but it will probably take you in the wrong direction. Right. And that's the big recognition most people need to have.

Dr. Emil 47:34
And just a flag before we move on to the next bit. So for people to associate with this concept of dirty fuel, or dark energy, as I call it, you probably had it when you started your journey in entrepreneurship, building your business, that's probably the initial thing it was trying to prove someone wrong or trying to desperately scramble out of a situation or something. And that drove you initially that was the high motivation thing, which got you to the level to level one, which is why it's so easy to go back to you to think that's how I get to the next level. But at a certain stage very early on, it starts to push you in the wrong in the wrong direction. And it's dirty, it's dark, it's it's not the way to be doing this. Yeah,

Itamar Marani 48:17
I think that's such a good point of meal. Like, honestly, I'm so glad you said it's such a good point. And even it doesn't have to be as dirty or dark, or whatever it may be is having a real bad traumatic experience trying to prove somebody wrong or any of that nature, could literally be that you have to hustle to make some money at first. But again, that had mentality, I'm afraid to be broke. That's someone who's going to get to the next level, you got to evolve from that. And I think it is variable setting will appreciate you putting that in. So

Ian Horley 48:43
so I've got one over seven, this will last one should be pretty quick. It's one we did very recently. And I think from a happiness perspective, and a calmness and an a removal of anxiety is the biggest effect I've had so far, was the biggest, most effective tool we've used so far. So is the performance versus pressure curve. And I'm gonna let you explain that in a moment. But basically, I'll tell you what problem I was facing is having now not worked in the business at all for eight months. I was I was beginning to work on what life do I want. So I started trying all these new things, right. Certain types of travel, doing certain things, and some of them I found I didn't really enjoy that much actually. But I didn't know because I never tried them before so gave him but what you said is in your putting now you're putting the same kind of pressure you put on your business and building that up and that business life. You're now taking that pressure and you're putting on yourself trying to build a personal life. And the problem is you put I'm putting so much pressure on myself now for the personal life that actually I'm not enjoying it and it's having a negative effect. And the day after within 24 hours of you having said that, I had probably the First day in my entire memory life, a day when I just sat there and enjoy the day. Didn't think about optimizing anything. Didn't think about tomorrow didn't think about Galloway, a lot of these anxieties are coming from as well, I had a really happy day, actually, it was a holiday here in Portugal, I drove down to a cracking beach sat there. And when normally you'd finish the meal, looking at the looking at the beautiful beach and the sun, instead of me going well, you know, if we leave now after dinner, we could go back and get the next ferry back across into town. So I just sat there, the sun has not gone down yet. We're just sitting here doing this. Now, this may sound very easy for a lot of people. But when you are constantly been moving all your life worried about what happens in the next day, and that anxiety, you just becomes a problem. You never sit down and just work out how to enjoy today. And that was the first so the pressure versus performance curve. When you explain that it gave me permission for the first time to just sit there and go take the pressure off, see what it's like just sitting here enjoying the day.

Itamar Marani 51:10
So I'll explain the performance pressure bell curve, it's basically a bell curve. Imagine on the bottom, there's pressure on the side, going up is performance. The cons a certain point where there's positive pressure, that is called an excitement, intrigue, interest. And that builds up performance. And it's a positive pressure. But then beyond that the pressure gets to a point where it actually causes a dip in people's performance. And usually what I noticed is that that middle line is wanting to transition from something outside of this would just be really fun. This would be really exciting. Wouldn't it be cool if we could do this, if we can build this if we created this kind of business system, whatever it may be, to? What does this mean about me if I don't do this? What does it mean about my self worth are people going to judge, if I can't do this, if I if I fail, when you start internalizing all these meetings about yourself, that's when you dip into the part of performance, like the that stress part where your performance really starts to dip. And this was also something that I learned. For myself. I had a really hard time not pushing myself all the time and putting more pressure trying to I thought more pressure makes more diamonds. And for me that was also a pivotal thing in my own development to recognize there's a point there, it's not diminishing returns, it's the opposite. It causes a dip. Is that accurate?

Ian Horley 52:28
That is actually accurate? I will say because I just wanted to say thank you. Because since that day, which was not that long ago, actually. We're about a month or so ago, my day has I've had many days like that, where I've just enjoyed being in that day. And it feels it feels absolutely incredible. But you know, what feels really, really incredible is knowing that it's on the other side of already having a successful business as well. Which means not only do I sit there and just enjoy the day, but have the tomorrow wake up and fear. Can I afford the flights? Can I afford the rent? Can I afford the car? I don't even have that fear anymore. It's just

Itamar Marani 53:08
I say I'll say this, though, for people who are not there yet. Don't excuse yourself to think okay, so this isn't relevant to me, the performance pressure bulk of it is a very well researched thing. And even if you still have to make a lot of effort in your business, make an effort. And I don't mean doing small things, if you're in that stage, still, you're doing everything in a lot of tasks, that's different. But if you're in a place like instead of the beginning of the episode, where you have to make impactful decisions that are dictated by your emotions, that performance pressure bell curve is a really important thing to be aware of to be on top of. Because if you're trying to dip towards a point where there's too much pressure, it will hinder your performance as far as that. So even if you're not at that place where he is right now, it's really important not to neglect that don't think it doesn't apply to you. It probably applies to you more he's talking about in the realm of enjoyment, but also in the realm of just straight up performance. It is a really, really important tool to understand. And to be conscious of where am i right now in this bell curve. Do I need to hold back? Can I push more? Or also why am I in this place? Am I associating too much stuff for my personal my self worth? Or am I just looking at as a fun game?

Ian Horley 54:10
And that dirty fuel will drive you at the wall? We'll just drag it on the wall. Yep. I'm even to a wall really hard. Because you can't when you're when you're when you're like that I'm dirty fuel. You're not seeing the performance pressure bell curve. Just not save

Itamar Marani 54:26
London. You're blinded? Yeah.

Ian Horley 54:29
So that's my IRA reckon that's seven tips and tricks or however you want to say actual practical things that worked for me were the

Itamar Marani 54:39
key points that allowed you to have the transformation really, really appreciate you sharing them because I think Neil can see that these were key things so maybe I should try them as well because there was a result here like you said,

Ian Horley 54:48
the only thing that was a result there was a result that is both money which is what what are you looking at freedom which is what what are you looking at but also happiness which is not more of you shouldn't be looking at I, like happens to you, and it's nothing guaranteed. You can always make more money. That's really easy, right? You can always, you can always start a business, that's really easy. But what else? What cost? So I've got three, four very, very quick points on how to get the most out of any coaching actually, but whether tomorrow me or anyone else. So the first one is I just have a, a avoid coaches, that you see hunting for cheap options.

Itamar Marani 55:31
What do you mean by that?

Ian Horley 55:31
Yeah. So you'll see a lot of them out there, you know, a man I can I can transform your business. I'm a performance coach, and this, that and the other. And then you see them out there saying, how can it does anyone want to share an Airbnb? It's a really nice, cheap, it's a cheap, fucking don't do it. If you are voting for yourself as a cheap, unworthy person, if you hire that person.

Itamar Marani 55:52
Yeah, you know, the person's be

Ian Horley 55:54
reassuringly expensive. I am anyone charges me too little, I don't know, I won't give them the time to do anything for me at all. And it doesn't mean to say you got to be, you know, stupid with money. It doesn't mean to say you got to be rolling in it. But it should be slightly uncomfortable when you pay. Because if it is, you will get results really, really quickly. And so when I decided to I mean, it took me 30 Not even 30 seconds of fiddling took me three seconds to say yes to its amount. And when he first gave me his price, I went, Oh, yeah, that's an amount of money. And then I went, but of course, because I know that it is going to pay me back one day, what I didn't realize is that it would literally pay me back in less than the time it took Itamar to deliver that first package. I mean, actual real dollars more than that. But the long term effect of that is just it's incalculable. How much value you get out of that, if I had voted for myself as someone who's not worthy of the best, by taking someone who's, you know, hunting around for cheap Airbnbs and sharing nice local cheap cafes, I will be voting for myself with a loser. And I'm not, I mean for the big one. So that's the first thing. So this one, I'm going to try and not this one sounds a little bit technical, stay with me. But it's, I asked it's Ammar. In my first month before my first session, and any other coach who works on any kind of therapy type framework, any psychological framework, are you kind of causal, or what we call teleological, in other words into the future. So causal is when you look at your, your childhood and all these things, and you look back into it and analyze it and understand it, which gives you a reason of why you went the way the way you are. Okay. But I think it's okay to look back but just bumps there is more of me. Then you've got the people who are totally illogical This is the Adlerian psychology view, the former one is the is the Freudian view, the Adlerian. One is, you can change anything about your life in any moment whatsoever, have a clear vision of where you want to go, you will manifest it, you know, Napoleon Hill work, it's a psycho cybernetics, manifest that dream, it will come if you believe it enough, etc. There's all that, in other words, going back to one of my first points, if you have a belief, that tension, it can be replaced, it can be changed in a second, it can change in a second, and you can have any life you want. It is never too late to change ever. However, I do also believe that if somebody's only technological and dreaming and telling you about this big dream, and you can change anything, they tend to be a tad woowoo. Either people are only talking those parents in that paradigm. So if you're doing that, and having success, if you have not addressed the things in your past and those beliefs from your past, they will come and screw you up at some point. Because at some point, you're going to be tired, drunk, frustrated, not feeling too well. Scared, and the old patterns can come back and sabotage your future dreams. And that's what would have happened to me. I'm very teleological I went on the Psycho Cybernetics route some time ago, maybe 10 years ago. And man if I have manifested a future for myself, which is working, however, it was not going fast enough. And I kept sabotaging it that sense, I had to go backwards. So when picking a coach it my personal view, everyone has their own view. Look at someone who has the ability to understand the past and the mental models you've built as a coping mechanisms. But also make sure that they don't try and hold you there forever. And that they also present a version of the future that you can have. So it's really coming back to it to Mars, one of his first principles is removed what's holding you back? Because that's the practical application that makes that all work. Because when you've removed what's holding you back, really sky's the limit. Get ready to get on a rocket ship if you've got a business as well. So you just want to be happy. That's all cool. If you have a business and a team and a way of monetizing this help you get strapping on a rocket ship. Now he's gonna do things you can't believe. So that's the causal vessels, teleological hopefully I didn't lose too many people just at that point. You Be vulnerable, if you're not prepared to be vulnerable. Don't even if you think you've got it all dialed in. Now you just want someone to give you the shortcut, like, you know, push ups done for you, no one buys that service, right? Because we all know it's not gonna work, it's the same thing here, you're gonna end up doing some work. And it's okay to do work on yourself. The good thing is, if you have a business, if you have a method of earning income, while you're doing the work on yourself as well, but it is hard work, and it's good worthy work. So yeah, be vulnerable, if you're not vulnerable, you just won't get there. It's like a confidence comes from having done things that made you scared in the past multiple times, because you have the confidence to get through it. But it does require you have to do some some work that may scare you a little bit, or leave you feeling a bit sort of lost in the wind for a short while. Just trust in the coach, trusting that they're gonna get you through. And

Itamar Marani 1:00:49
beyond trust the coach, it's you got to decide, everybody wants to be brave, but no one is willing to be scared of vulnerable. It doesn't work. If you want, if bravery or courage is a virtue to you, then you need to be scared, and you need to be vulnerable. You need to put your choices, you might fail, whatever it may be, that needs to have to work in unison. So most people don't understand. Everybody wants to be brave, but nobody's willing to be courageous or vulnerable. That's it has to come together.

Ian Horley 1:01:15
Yeah. I mean, it's, you can always see the vulnerable as we're part of a, an entrepreneurial organization, right. And we see lots of people who aren't prepared to be vulnerable they walk around with, but we also see them when you know, when the lights off them, and they're less cocky. And they're very vulnerable. But as soon as they're in a group, they suddenly become invulnerable. They all want to, and then you have the ones who want to do failure porn. And the problem with failure porn is ones always want to talk about all the things wrong, not wrong in their life in a complainy way, but oh my god, we're really made this mistake. And I made that mistake. And at least I'm vulnerable. And I'm, you know, I'm vulnerable, and I'm learning and I'm on a journey. Yeah, you're taking the, you're, you're removing ownership of that, and saying, Yeah, but you're not doing anything about it. So you got to do something to you know,

Itamar Marani 1:02:01
I have a strong opinion on this graph, there's a fine line between effective and effective vulnerability and victimhood. If you're just saying, This is how hard it is, for me, that's when you're exhibiting victimhood. If you're saying this is what it's hard for me in order to be able to figure out something better and move towards a better future, like you're saying, it's very effective vulnerability. If it's for a purpose, it's a means to an end. If it's just an end, all you want to do is just say, this is hard for me. And again, we all need time to vent every once in a while. But if that's all you're doing, and that's all that it isn't where it ends, that's just victimhood. It's not effective vulnerability.

Ian Horley 1:02:37
Bingo. Yeah, it was a thing. I just wanted to leave off my list as well as around that subject. Yeah. Yeah. So the loss was simple. Is one there. I see a lot of coaches out there with playbooks, you know, methods or processes that gonna get through and actually met one just the other day talked about the importance of a goal if there's no goal area, you know. And, yeah, I'd agree that to a certain level, playbooks are good, and goals are good. But as I pointed out to that person, the ones I'm want to pay the most money to, are not the ones that have a playbook or a go, I don't know, you know, we will, you will get playbooks, right. And when you're doing group coaching, they're probably essential. Because they keep things on a certain set of rails, maybe, maybe not, you're the Pro, not me, so I'm not there. But when I'm choosing how to how to use my my money and my attention to vote for myself, the framework I really go for is something you've mentioned, and also another person I've worked with I've mentioned, which is you stop thinking about a playbook, you stop thinking about a process, and you start thinking about what's effective for the person sitting in front of you, which is me. I'm the one who needs to get the results here. And the path of the results is unknown. It is always unknown. The idea that there is a path you follow is getting ridiculous. Because any single juncture, there are so many ways it could go. And the problem I have with God, I don't have a problem with goals, I don't love goals, there's lots of goals have achieved, maybe all of them. The thing is, is that once you start getting up into the rarefied atmosphere, of having removed everything that's holding you back, and you've installed a set of business practices that give you the tools to build a really successful business on both sides. So you have the freedom to do it. And you also have the skills and the mechanisms to do it. There's no way that a goal that you set a little while ago was going to be enough because suddenly the skies just open and you're in a rocket ship and suddenly looking back at what used to be what you thought the horizons were, and you realize just how small they are. Because anything becomes possible. So goals are kind of my view goals are good to a point. But the real money game is played above goals. It's when there is just boundless, endless abundance of opportunity for happiness and money and freedom.

Itamar Marani 1:05:00
Well said, Very well said.

Ian Horley 1:05:04
That's pretty much all I've got now half an hour's worth of more stuff. We tried to keep that short, by the way that I noticed that Neil said earlier, I'll try and keep it short. I'm not really that much of a fan of a let's all keep it short. Let's keep it simple. Give me the playbook. Give me the shortcut, you know, number of people have come to me going, Oh, you're on my learning programming. Just give me the one or two slides that I really need to change my life. And I go, Fuck before you even see. Yeah,

Itamar Marani 1:05:26
so I want to say this. This also relates to what you were saying about coaches and playbooks and all this kind of jazz. There's a quote I love. I'm butchering a little bit by Emerson, he says, The Man Who who only knows tactics will get lost the man who can understand concepts can apply tactics at will. And this is a big part of how you think you think in a conceptual manner. And that's why it's so that we didn't set a specific goal here. So let's do some concepts here. One of these concepts is they got to figure out who do you want to be? Not clarify, this is a goal, this is a concept. Another clear concept is what's the fastest path to success. And what's holding you back from that? What belief structures are that this is a concept that we keep going back as in different stages of life. And I can literally read through all of these, what fuel bad fuel, that's a concept that you can apply, because you know, what's going on here? What's driving, conceptually what's going on here. And I think these are big things. And I would love to kind of wrap it up on that level, Ian's had some really, really impactful things. And I really appreciate you sharing this. All these things are not specific, Do this, do that some of them are in a tactical level, but they come from a concept of if you do these things, you can again, remove this stuff that's holding you back. So you can go to that better future, like you were saying. And putting that all together. This is what gets results.

Everything else in should we log off?

Ian Horley 1:06:48
Oh, there's loads. There's always loads. Since the great thing about Liferay is it presents you with all these wonderful opportunities to get better and grow. So there'll be more but hopefully that if you've watched this, you've given yourself the opportunity to vote for yourself. Put some money down,

Itamar Marani 1:07:08
get some work on. Yeah, and I want to say one last thing, actually, courage, like all this stuff, does not work if you didn't have the courage to actually like instead, believe in yourself, think you're worthy of doing this and just do things that are scary. You have these friends on your shoulder, these voices from your past that are familiar, that are good for you, but they're familiar. And it's kind of the devil you know. And it requires courage to a lot of these things. And everything we said here, courage is the prerequisite. If you decide if you choose courage as a choice if you choose to employ courage, and everything and just get better in life, everything life, business, everything. Just amazing what that thing can do. These are frameworks either concept you can use courage as a prerequisite. And on that note, wish you guys a good day. And thank you again so much for coming on.

Ian Horley 1:08:02
Welcome. Take care