The 3 Performance Archetypes: How Your Mindset Holds You Back | Elite Performance Podcast #68

00:00:00:07 - 00:00:15:07
Itamar Marani
Performance is not about constant maximum effort all the time, it's about getting results. If you can recognize where you're veering off to the left and you recognize this is where I always veer off and you can just correct that. You can save yourself so much hassle, achieved so much more with less effort.

00:00:15:12 - 00:00:18:21
Alex De Fina
Going really fast in the wrong direction is not helpful to a business.

00:00:19:01 - 00:00:39:11
Itamar Marani
But it feels exciting. And that's the whole dangerous thing. Have you ever felt like you're doing all the right things, working hard, showing up every day? But for some reason you're still not seeing the level of success that you know you're capable of. Maybe you're consciously grinding the results and match the effort, or you're playing it safe and afraid to rock the boat.

00:00:39:12 - 00:00:58:05
Itamar Marani
Or maybe you're making things way harder than they need to be by overcomplicating and trying to prove people wrong and putting yourself out in the process. Now, what if I told you that the reason you're stuck isn't about town or skill or even motivation? It's because of how your mind reacts under pressure and whether you realize it or not.

00:00:58:05 - 00:01:18:15
Itamar Marani
You're likely playing out of one of the three patterns that sabotage high performers. We're calling it the Go Harder guy, the Mr. Nice Guy, or the chip on the shoulder guy, and he's to prove people wrong. So let's talk about these the go harder guy. First is you always push. You never rests your desire to get shit done and cause a lack of strategic focus.

00:01:18:17 - 00:01:40:15
Itamar Marani
And everybody calls you very intense, but you can't see it in yourself until you actually burn yourself out. Then we have the Mr. Nice Guy. You play it safe, you say yes too often and don't want to upset people. You optimize for optics so you under charge or keep people around you who shouldn't be there just to avoid that confrontation or the uncomfortable conversation.

00:01:40:17 - 00:02:08:17
Itamar Marani
And finally, there's a chip on the shoulder that prove you wrong, guy. And this is where you prioritize proving someone or something wrong instead of going after what you actually want. So you often overcomplicate things or make them harder than they need to be just to prove your worth. And I'm capable. You are. And these three archetypes are an idea that I first came across when working with all the high level entrepreneurs, elite athletes and operators that I've worked with throughout my career.

00:02:08:18 - 00:02:35:02
Itamar Marani
And these were people that were functioning at a very high level. Yet they all had one thing in common when things got very challenging and they felt a lot of pressure, their minds pulled them into one of these three emotional survival patterns, and these were patterns that didn't serve them. And again, it wasn't about whether they were capable, it was about whether they could recognize and override these patterns before they derail their success.

00:02:35:04 - 00:02:56:10
Itamar Marani
So here's the deal. You don't need another productivity hack or motivational speech. What you probably need if you're listening to this podcast is to understand how your mind reacts under pressure. What's driving that reaction and how to shift it. And that's what today's episode is all about. The goal is that by the end of this episode, you'll know exactly which of the three archetypes you default to.

00:02:56:12 - 00:03:19:09
Itamar Marani
Why it's holding you back, and most importantly, how to break free from it so you can operate at your highest level without all the unnecessary stress, hesitation, or burnout. Hey, we're going to go deep into each archetype, breaking down how they show up in your life and giving you real strategies to actually take control. Now, whether you're going to find yourself being the go harder guy who thinks pushing harder is always the answer.

00:03:19:09 - 00:03:40:15
Itamar Marani
The Mr. Nice guy who avoids the necessary confrontation or the chip on the shoulder guy who makes everything harder just to prove a point. This episode will help you get out of your own way and unlock your full potential. All right, so let's get to it. First off, Alex, thank you for coming on board. Before we get started, anything that you want to add to these archetypes or what we're talking about today?

00:03:40:17 - 00:03:51:21
Alex De Fina
Thank you. Well, it's good to be here. There's nothing I want to add. It's very interesting topic. I can see a little bit of myself in all of those and just need to this more detail.

00:03:51:23 - 00:04:17:11
Itamar Marani
Yeah. So like you said, it's very common. Like, everybody usually see themselves in a mix of not really met one person who's just one of them. Usually we have kind of one dominant archetype inside of us and possibly a second or possibly a third. But it's usually kind of a mix. But if we can identify what is the most important one that really causes us to veer off of, let's call it strategic performance and go into kind of an emotional reaction, we can stop.

00:04:17:13 - 00:04:36:01
Itamar Marani
So the first one I want to talk about is to go harder guy and probably talk about this guy a little bit more at length. The reason being is that the out of all the clients that have worked with the guys who tend to succeed more actually have to go harder and them more take it seems to be the dominant one.

00:04:36:03 - 00:04:55:01
Itamar Marani
The reason is because, as that old saying goes, action is the cure. All these guys take a lot of action and that's the superpower of the go harder guy. So it's kind of explain that. Go harder guy. We'll go into it. They go hard. A guy is all gas and no brakes. Every time there's tension or discomfort, his only solution is to push harder.

00:04:55:03 - 00:05:13:13
Itamar Marani
People around him call him things like intense, but he doesn't see himself that way. You think he's only slightly above average, despite working relentlessly with tireless focus. And as a result, he sometimes burns through employees by pushing them at a stable pace, all by thinking this isn't half of what I can do. And his body usually pays a price as well.

00:05:13:15 - 00:05:40:18
Itamar Marani
We've all know these guys Injuries usually pile up from previous sports because they kept going without slowing down, and that's usually the typical guys. Now, the important thing was to go harder guy to recognize is that with all these archetypes, there is an upside to this behavior and there's a downside to it. We're not saying this is just bad, but if you can understand the upside of it and keep doing that, but control the downside of it, that's when it's really powerful.

00:05:40:19 - 00:05:46:05
Itamar Marani
So first off, any questions about that go hard guy before we really dive into it?

00:05:46:06 - 00:05:50:11
Alex De Fina
No questions. But yes, a bit of this myself that.

00:05:50:17 - 00:06:07:23
Itamar Marani
Think it's a bit of an all of us. So I kind of share a story. There was one guy I work with that again, these are all going to be included in the book that he was a classic definition of a go harder guy. He just had a big exit in one of the companies in his portfolio and he wanted to take things to the next level.

00:06:08:01 - 00:06:28:09
Itamar Marani
And again, his drive, his effort, all these things were why he had this portfolio in the first place. But what happened was that he was so focused on just constantly going harder that he wasn't able to actually utilize his biggest strengths, wasn't his drive, but his intelligence, strategic vision. He'd wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom when he moved.

00:06:28:09 - 00:06:45:21
Itamar Marani
If you know what, I'm up, I got to go to work. So he wouldn't sleep a lot because he was sleep deprived. He wasn't thinking as clearly as he could and he would constantly be this like I was trying to work, work, work, work when actually he had a lot of opportunities. If he could just think strategically, he could magnify everything.

00:06:45:23 - 00:07:08:18
Itamar Marani
And it was one of those paradoxical situations that his drive and always going harder is what got him here. But his strategic ability is what's going to get him to the next level. And it was very challenging for him because he said this was my this was a game, my success, all of this motivation concentrated on to do one more, just trying to go like, you know, that extra mile, whatever it may be.

00:07:08:20 - 00:07:30:03
Itamar Marani
But it was what's holding him back. And the best analogy that I can give of it is like, think of it like a race car and you do need power and that's your drive and work ethic. And if you have that, that's amazing. But you also need precision and control, like flooring the gas pedal through every single turn isn't just inefficient, it's unsustainable, it's dangerous and eventually causes things to break.

00:07:30:05 - 00:07:54:13
Itamar Marani
And Ali performance, it's not about just constant, constant maximum effort all the time, just about getting results. And a lot of times for the people that like to go hard and they say, that's my calling card, it's challenging to recognize that you need to actually slow down a little bit in order to take the strategic route, not just go as hard as you can in whatever direction you can go.

00:07:54:15 - 00:08:15:08
Itamar Marani
So like for a lot of these guys, it's not about working harder. It's about working smarter with that. Okay, let's open this up a little bit. You I thought you also created a bit of a SWOT analysis about the Go harder guy. All these characters from the book. What are your thoughts on the success?

00:08:15:10 - 00:08:45:00
Alex De Fina
Well, first of all, my obvious bias is I line quite closely to the go how to go, and I think that is it solves potential inefficiencies or lack of information just through brute force and volume. And so whether people are applying this to to the business, to the health, to the relationships, then it's a it's a it's a clunky tool, but could be an effective.

00:08:45:02 - 00:09:28:14
Alex De Fina
And I think the go how to go and the chip in the shoulder guy obviously have maybe some attributes which are quite some overlap. Yeah. Yeah. And I think the definitions of the go how it would help me understand in more detail. So I guess one, one question I would have for you is would you, would you qualify someone is or trait traits as being a go how to do so now based on the relative change the previous behaviors.

00:09:28:14 - 00:09:58:02
Alex De Fina
So somebody was focusing on the marriage for example, and the marriage had been neglected for a period of time, but they just overcompensate. They just dedicate a huge percentage of time. So it's relative changed the previous behaviors or is it relative to nephews or is it simply just, you know, a more than necessary? So the degree of input was more than necessary for the to the outcome?

00:09:58:04 - 00:10:18:02
Itamar Marani
That's a great question. So I would say relative to what's effective, that's always what we're measuring on. It's not the peer is not my past, but what's effective. So we talk about this kind of performance pressure bell curve a lot, right? That if there's just a little bit of pressure, you underperform. If there's a right amount of pressure, you're just like peak performance zone.

00:10:18:04 - 00:10:43:09
Itamar Marani
And then if there's too much pressure, you start doing things that don't really serve you. You start to underperform. Whether that you have too much pressure causes anxiety, causes overwhelm, whatever it may be. Now they go harder, guys, their reaction to feeling a sense of overall anxiety. So let me just go harder. Let me just do more, more effort, more force instead of saying sometimes, actually, is this the right place to go to actually drive this force?

00:10:43:11 - 00:11:01:02
Itamar Marani
It's about being able to control your emotional response so that it doesn't cause you to be ineffective. And again, I think go hard. Is that how you said like, oh, it's effective, I'm doing something. And that's the thing that can really trick them. And again, I'm one of these as well that like, Oh, something feels wrong, let me just do more.

00:11:01:04 - 00:11:23:00
Itamar Marani
Instead of often they say, I need to take a step back, not have that emotional reaction and my emotional reactions to do instead of saying like, okay, I can I step back and think strategically about this so it's not necessary compared to this person or that person or my past. It's so like, what would be the strategic thing to do here is to actually just go harder and do more or just take a step back and a very clear example.

00:11:23:00 - 00:11:45:16
Itamar Marani
This is, for example, with there are a lot of these guys, they burn out their C-suite because they just drive them at a certain pace. Now, obviously, they know that having to rotate through a new CEO every year isn't a very effective thing. There's a lot of drag that comes with a lot of challenges, but they sit there, they can't help themselves emotionally and that's the thing.

00:11:45:16 - 00:11:59:18
Itamar Marani
They're like, Oh, we just got to drive, drive, drive, drive, drive. And that's what I'm saying. It's just not effective. Seriously. Okay. Like, I do want people that are not street driven, Like, I want to see how well that can take on a lot. But I also have to taper that a little bit to make sure that I'm not driving them at a pace that's unsustainable and then it's in a crash.

00:11:59:18 - 00:12:05:14
Itamar Marani
And again, we're just not performing at our best as a company. Does that make sense?

00:12:05:16 - 00:12:32:14
Alex De Fina
Absolutely. I think that that personality type, especially from the scrappy entrepreneur of Avatar way of managing things and scrappy, is that the formula for success is probably a trend of entrepreneurs who go from scrappy entrepreneur as the business now has traction. The old structure is starting to the balloon, carrying on the same habits that the chaos and the need for speed.

00:12:32:16 - 00:12:56:17
Alex De Fina
Yeah, maybe they're saying, you know what got you here? What good is it as they start to move into a a real CEO capacity where you have a seat to go under or beside you? I think that sometimes that hangover of scrappy entrepreneur in the early days starts to present itself a little bit in a more formal. I see I guess it is business growth.

00:12:56:19 - 00:13:16:08
Itamar Marani
Yeah. The way I agree with you and I think the way I would say it in a bit of a different way, is that going harder when you have no leverage behind you is all you have. You just doing a lot. However, when things change and the business grows, you have to figure out you have people, you have cash, whatever it may be, all these assets you have all sudden leverage.

00:13:16:10 - 00:13:36:18
Itamar Marani
And if you're just going harder and you're not actually thinking what you're doing and going harder, it's not as advantageous anymore. You're actually missing out on the biggest opportunities. And that's exactly what happened with that client. Like as soon as we got them to start going harder, we made a rule that he can't wake up before 5:30 a.m. He's not allowed to stay in bed.

00:13:36:21 - 00:13:54:18
Itamar Marani
So a couple of simple rules like that and all of a sudden he was able to actually think a lot more clearly. And because he thought more clearly when opportunities came along, he basically six x his whole portfolio of it and that would not been available to him if he was just going go and going and going, he wouldn't have been able to have that strategic insight.

00:13:54:20 - 00:14:17:13
Itamar Marani
And with the going harder guy, again, it's a superpower to be able to go that hard. But when it comes to a point where it compromises your ability to think strategically because you're so busy doing instead of thinking about the big play and one of the assets I hold with this chessboard, that's what actually is ineffective. As far as your performance, that kind of makes sense.

00:14:17:15 - 00:14:51:10
Alex De Fina
Yeah, definitely does. And so like, I'm assuming that part of the process of working with the clients is helping them actually identify what is almost like how we define performance. Do a lot of action to generate an outcome is a practical example of this. Just recently is of a business partner here. I'm seasoned of teaching how to shoot two pistols and I've had the fortunate experience of running with high level competition shooters, special operations guys, and as a student myself and also in other areas of law.

00:14:51:10 - 00:15:18:04
Alex De Fina
As a teacher, I was trying to piece together our own re-engineer this process based on what I've done. So the number one thing is accuracy. But if the bullets are going everywhere, then what's the point? And so I've got a different approach to to in writing that and then some questions from the world. Teaching was how far shall be going and as fast as you can while staying within the.

00:15:18:04 - 00:15:19:13
Itamar Marani
Cluster.

00:15:19:15 - 00:15:58:15
Alex De Fina
Really really accurate. So is trying to play with these these variables of speed accuracy and the speed is probably applicable in the business to as fast as possible whilst the context being whilst inside. But whilst maintaining this team and it is really interesting to the concept to be playing with in a practical setting because a second we lose accuracy, speed is irrelevant going really fast at the wrong direction is not helpful to the business but to and.

00:15:58:15 - 00:16:18:10
Itamar Marani
It feels exciting and that's what's exciting and that's the whole dangerous thing. It's like, yeah, it naturally feels exciting because a lot is going on, there's a lot of adrenaline. And also what's what adds on to that is that a lot of times we've learned that going fast gets us results. And so that's the thing to. On why that it does get you results so you can have such better results.

00:16:18:10 - 00:16:35:21
Itamar Marani
And when you're asking when you're saying what does this all come down to performance. Performance, it's just about results. People can, you know, put all this like, how are you performing it? Just what are the results of your achieving other the maximum results that you should be able to achieve. And that's the whole deal with. They go are harder.

00:16:35:21 - 00:16:56:21
Itamar Marani
People think they can achieve really good results, but they can achieve even better ones if they're able to calm down just enough, not entirely, but just enough to think strategically as well, to channel that energy not into just going, going and doing and then getting so tired from it that that take a week off or that they're burnt out or they're not even thinking clearly anymore and they're making bad decisions.

00:16:56:21 - 00:17:14:02
Itamar Marani
But say, how can I keep myself at a certain pace where even though it feels like I could be doing more, I purposely just pull back a little bit so my mind is fresh and I'm making really smart strategic decisions. That's where the power is for them.

00:17:14:04 - 00:17:31:09
Alex De Fina
Just show a visual analogy. I was just thinking, please, please your opinion on and if I was looking at this, look at look at my house and I had three reps in in most three different cities and I'm looking at it from a bird's eye view at the start of the maze. It's very straight. There's a long straight right.

00:17:31:09 - 00:17:57:15
Alex De Fina
So the go had two guys essentially that go hard going. They're out in front. And so their reinforcement at this point the maze has been no deviation available to them, but they're leading. So they're reinforcing speed is good for some, engine is good, action is good. And then you start having some forks in the road as a path to go down rather than actually analyze the fork in the road.

00:17:57:17 - 00:18:25:02
Alex De Fina
They're just making a gut feel and going as fast as possible in the gut. Right? Because the reinforcement up until that point was built as hard and fast as possible. So they don't stop to pause when it's a critical decision to be made, to just make a hard decision and follow the decision as fast as possible. And when they get to a wall, even though climbing over that wall metaphorically might be the unlock to their business, the wall feels like resistance.

00:18:25:04 - 00:18:31:12
Alex De Fina
So it's easy to just to turn right or left or go backward to just keep running as hard and fast as possible.

00:18:31:14 - 00:18:59:11
Itamar Marani
So interestingly enough, with these guys, what I've seen a lot of times is that when they hit a wall, their reaction is, how can I just burst my head through it? How can I break through it? Because again, it's like I just need to go. I need more force. That's always answer, more power, more force when a lot of times it can be the strategic to them stopping and asking, you actually have to go through this wall or is there a path, lesser resistance somewhere where there's a bigger opportunity.

00:18:59:13 - 00:19:17:14
Itamar Marani
That's the challenge for them is to get out of that mindset of I just need to go, go, go. They a lot of times in inherently view stopping or taking. So they would view if I tell them, listen, you need to stop and relax because hey, I'm absolutely not willing to do that. That does not work for them.

00:19:17:16 - 00:19:30:13
Itamar Marani
That goes against every fiber of their nature. But if I tell them, Hey, what if we just take a strategic perspective on this? So we're just going to like we're you're not going to stop, you're not going to relax. And I know you don't want to do that, but you're just going to go into recovery mode a little bit.

00:19:30:15 - 00:19:44:16
Itamar Marani
Like, I know you're a bit burnt out from this project. So we're going to take our focus right now. You're going to get really aggressive about recovery. You're like, Oh, I can get aggressive about recovery if you phrase it like that. They buy into that and then, okay, now the goal is you're not just going to like stop and wait for opportunities to come to you.

00:19:44:21 - 00:20:10:05
Itamar Marani
You're going to go into a very focused season of exploration. That's your focus right now. What possible opportunities are ahead of you? Can I go? Okay, I can go hard at that. So you've got to give them a frame to look at things that they can keep. They're doing the like. They're going harder than being that dude, but it's really about just helping them avoid chronically burning out and just performing at less than their full capacity because they're just always on the edge, always redlining it, so to speak.

00:20:10:07 - 00:20:33:00
Itamar Marani
And when we're redlining it again, most of the time, especially if you have leverage behind you and your decisions are really impactful, that's not a great solution as a default. I think it's great that you still have that in you when things happen, chaos, whatever crises happen, you can have that and you have that go. But as a default, it's probably not the best solution.

00:20:33:02 - 00:20:59:15
Alex De Fina
That's that's really, really helpful. I've made that mistake countless times and I think for that part of personality, there's probably a sub personality without getting unnecessarily complex where you can become the the breakthrough rules guy. And the more innovative you are, the more difficult the industry business scene. If it's if it's not a snowball concept, just like this speech can be a reinforcing attribute.

00:20:59:18 - 00:21:20:13
Alex De Fina
I think that the knocking through walls might have been successful in the past. There's many, many times where we look at what I was doing in business, as defining myself, as being a professional door knocker or worker, and, you know, the only form there is thank you all harder and faster. Don't stop until it's going on. Not realizing, just open door right next door.

00:21:20:15 - 00:21:40:19
Alex De Fina
And I think that can also become a self reinforcing habit of even artificially creating friction because we've been historically good at getting through it in the past. So we see a lot of downstream unintended consequences popping that out again and again.

00:21:40:23 - 00:21:59:16
Itamar Marani
I want to kind of like bring this all home. The reason there's so much value in these archetypes is that if you're self aware of what your natural defaults are, you can then start correcting for it. So for example, if I know if I'm if someone's listening into this right now, they're like, you know what? I actually don't have that at all.

00:21:59:18 - 00:22:21:00
Itamar Marani
I don't I don't empathize with this at all. With this go horror personality. Reality is you probably need to learn how to push yourself a bit harder because you're actually missing out on some performance by not having enough of that go in you. However, if you're saying I see myself in this as like I sometimes go over the top, I burn myself out, I get physically injured in sports because I never take a day off.

00:22:21:02 - 00:22:39:06
Itamar Marani
And I have all these issues and do recognize, you know, this is kind of the example of if my car is always veering left, I need to correct it by, you know, tilting the steering wheel a little bit to the right. This is how I veer left. So I recognize this is where I need to go. So, for example, I am also like one of those go harder guys.

00:22:39:08 - 00:22:59:16
Itamar Marani
And for me, the question now that I have the that, you know, when you wake up and you're really, really, really sore and you ask yourself, should I do this workout today? So my what life has taught me through various injuries is that if I ever ask myself, should I do this? It is an absolute no, I should not worry about the I should take our recovery days.

00:22:59:18 - 00:23:16:13
Itamar Marani
And the same thing kind of with the business stuff with a lot of these guys, if they're saying, should we just push through with this, should I just push through? It's like if you're that guy again, unless it's an acute crisis where there's a very specific reason this is happening now and it's I just like how you're answering every question throughout the entire year.

00:23:16:15 - 00:23:41:21
Itamar Marani
Then you should probably back off a little bit, recover. So you're actually at your best and then you can think strategically and employ your intelligence, not just your drive. They're going to the whole bet. Is that you're more than just your work ethic. You're also intelligent individual, and if you can't see going harder, you're actually not allowing that part of yourself that's intelligent and clever and can think about creative solutions to come out because you're always just basically exhausted.

00:23:41:23 - 00:24:16:07
Alex De Fina
That's just one thing I've been trying to recalibrate my perspectives on, thankfully through external view, is looking at previously looked at work, working hard as being a superpower. For sure. Things I've been able over time to do that differently. I do that as a requirement that may or may not be necessary and that working really hard might just be the reflection of inadequate skills or inadequate, ineffective strategy.

00:24:16:09 - 00:24:28:22
Alex De Fina
So if it took me 6 hours to get to the same degree that took you 6 minutes, me defining myself as being a hard worker doesn't help. Of course, I'm still really effective.

00:24:29:00 - 00:24:45:10
Itamar Marani
And I know I'm not using the best of these analogies, but it's kind of like having one tool in your toolbar. If all you believe is that I can just do this through hard work. Yeah, it's like you're just not a very effective builder or creator or whatever, and that's all the tools that you have. And again, the problem with a lot of these go harder.

00:24:45:10 - 00:25:08:21
Itamar Marani
Guys, you're a great example. This you're extremely, extremely intelligent. Like you absolutely could figure out how to do this in 30 minutes instead of 6 hours. However, if all you're thinking to yourself, the only tool I have is to go really hard at this, then you're just not going to give yourself permission to access that intelligence. And that's what I've seen with most of these guys that guys that we've had on the podcast, people like Scott is a great example of this.

00:25:08:23 - 00:25:36:01
Itamar Marani
We've had him on the podcast previously, hyper intelligent individual, however, because he always goes so hard at things, he's only at 60, 70% of his intellectual capacity type because he's so tired. And again, my bet when I see him as his coach, I'm like, Well, you're going to be much more effective if we get you somewhere close to that 90% and you work at only a 70% capacity, but you like 90% of your intelligence rather than vice versa.

00:25:36:03 - 00:25:43:07
Itamar Marani
And again, just to recognizing you have more tools in your toolkit, that is not it. It's not the only thing.

00:25:43:09 - 00:26:18:07
Alex De Fina
Have you recognized a trend in a lot of guys that should they be presented with evidence that this is the different way of doing things, you know, the five hour job within 5 minutes that it might not necessarily be received with a overwhelming sense of enthusiasm and excitement, might be almost met with a disappointment or confusion because they're so reinforced into positive things require sacrifice, time, difficulty, complexity, etc..

00:26:18:09 - 00:26:36:18
Itamar Marani
I saw this in a bit of a different way. So a big part of once they experience it, they actually experience like, okay, this is actually more effective. They're usually on board with it. Sometimes they need to be reminded of it. Hey, remember when we did this and it actually really helped you go like, I am defaulting back into that again, right?

00:26:36:20 - 00:26:58:00
Itamar Marani
I guess. But in order to get them to actually experience it, there is a lot of psychological trickery that is so organic. What I said at the beginning, I, I will never expect. So I actually just gave a talk about a month ago and I met somebody who had an exit for nine figures like Big, big X and he asked me like, how can I go about this?

00:26:58:00 - 00:27:14:17
Itamar Marani
I want to figure out the next thing that I did up. And it was very clear that he was tired from what he just got out of and he was about to jump into whatever came next into his radar. So we can just do, you know, I mean, it was an emotion like I want to do. I'm a doer.

00:27:14:18 - 00:27:31:15
Itamar Marani
And I was like, Hey, man, what if we just what if you thought about this as a very active season of exploration where your job isn't to do something, but just explore opportunities? And then his eyes were like, Ooh, I can do that. That sounds like a really smart thing to do. And emotionally I feel comfortable with that.

00:27:31:17 - 00:27:49:17
Itamar Marani
So it's about kind of introducing these trains of thought and how they could buy into that, but still get the result of actually forcing them to slow down a little bit so they can recover their energy and think strategically and then once they do, then they experience like one cycle of this and we can always talk back to and be like, Hey, remember when you did this?

00:27:49:17 - 00:28:06:00
Itamar Marani
And it worked really, really well. Like, oh yeah, like what? What do you think? If we do it again? Like, okay, so I then get to reframe it as well. Like we also give it a little bit of trickery so they feel psychologically safe with it, that it's okay. I'm not just like being lazy, I'm just focusing very aggressively on my recovery.

00:28:06:02 - 00:28:09:13
Itamar Marani
And the kind of buying is these kind of cycles.

00:28:09:15 - 00:28:32:01
Alex De Fina
I think that's great. Focusing very intensely on recovery. It's like a very tense the season of curiosity, because I definitely feel that jewelry in my head that even if there's a more efficient path for myself during my actions, is being lazy. So now I'm just recalibrating.

00:28:32:06 - 00:28:32:13
Itamar Marani
It's a little.

00:28:32:13 - 00:28:34:17
Alex De Fina
Hack is really helpful. That's great.

00:28:34:19 - 00:28:40:20
Itamar Marani
Yeah, cool. So that is the go harder guy. Any last question before we move on to the Mr. Nice Guy, I.

00:28:40:22 - 00:28:42:16
Alex De Fina
Know that some of us get.

00:28:42:18 - 00:29:05:14
Itamar Marani
Cold, so the Mr. Nice Guy is the second archetype, but again, there is positives and negatives to this one as well with all of them. That's important to understand. The Mr. Nice Guy is all accommodations and no boundaries. Every time there's tension or discomfort, his default solution to that kind of pressure is to accommodate people might say about him, He's so generous or so nice and helpful, but the reality is that it often hurts his success.

00:29:05:16 - 00:29:28:15
Itamar Marani
He thinks he's just building relationships despite chronically charging or over delivering or just overextending himself. And as a result, he drains himself by trying to please everyone at an unsustainable pace. Always thinking like, once people see this value, once I can help them, whatever it may be, I can start asking for more and getting more. And he usually pays a price for this, both in his business and his personal life.

00:29:28:17 - 00:30:03:10
Itamar Marani
In business, profits stay low from keeping underperforming employees because, you know, they're like family run. You're charging clients and from seeking permission to do things that are executed in his personal life, all relationships he's often outgrown churn into these points of resentment or anchor that hold them back. But again, he doesn't feel comfortable breaking free from them. Now, again, with same thing with Mr. with the cold hearted guy, the Mr. Nice guy, there's benefits to him like building relationships and being able to be thoughtful of other people and caring and being empathetic.

00:30:03:12 - 00:30:25:07
Itamar Marani
It's a superpower. It can really, really help you. You know, again, going back to your question, the moment you can actually see that it's ineffective, that you're going at too much onto the end of it and it's actually coming at the cost of your success and what you want out of life. That's when it's actually detrimental. So you can ask yourself again, like, where am I in this Mr. Nice Guy?

00:30:25:07 - 00:30:51:08
Itamar Marani
Spectrum I'm at a place where I'm actually selfish, uncaring, unhelpful. I have a bad reputation for actually me being nicer to people and more helpful will boost my performance to give me better results. Or is that a place where I don't do this from a strategic perspective, but just from an emotional compulsion? Whenever I feel a bit of pressure, like I'll accommodate and I kind of like acquiesce to people, that means is probably not a helpful thing anymore.

00:30:51:08 - 00:31:04:12
Itamar Marani
And something you had to rein back and recognize that's an emotional response of yours that's not effective. It's not helping you. So before we dive a bit more into that, any question so far.

00:31:04:14 - 00:31:34:03
Alex De Fina
My initial question on the Mr. Nice Guy is person to constitute work with obviously pretty high level of success to be able to work with you. Have you found that certain industries or functions within certain companies attract more of the Mr. NASCAR? Like they tended to dot the group around other more creative industries?

00:31:34:05 - 00:32:08:21
Itamar Marani
It's a really good question. I can't say that it stands out as one kind of industry. What kind of what I can say, though, is about what I've seen the pattern from the other Mr. Nice Guy that's very interesting, is that they usually have the biggest relative shift as far as their income once they go through the coaching and kind of get that unlocked from them.

00:32:08:23 - 00:32:32:17
Itamar Marani
So they go harder. Guys like they'll take their company like from 3 million to 8 million, you know what I mean? Like they'll have a two point something X return because they already have a lot better than just have a lot of going in. The Mr. Nice guys will often take their company from mid six timid seven because the reality is they already had so much stuff in reserve.

00:32:32:19 - 00:32:50:21
Itamar Marani
There were they already had so many assets they were waiting to put out or they already had built so many relationships. They were just never comfortable actually trying to, you know, have a win win win, but always only just giving that they have so much stuff in the background that just ready to kind of get unleashed as soon as they give themselves permission.

00:32:50:23 - 00:33:13:18
Itamar Marani
So even though they might not have the biggest companies if they go harder guys, usually the nine figure guys that I talked to there go harder. But these guys relative, they have the biggest multiple once they unlock it, so to speak. So even if that overall isn't as big, it's the biggest multiple. Just because they've held back so much, they haven't given him the permission to really go for it or to do the right thing or to have that conversation, whatever it might be.

00:33:13:20 - 00:33:47:01
Alex De Fina
That that's actually a really interesting comparison for me to to think through is to go harder person and just to illustrate point is massive utilization, but they might have a slightly lower value proposition in the market that they've maximized through through brute force, whereas Mr. Nice Guy might have a good generalization, a larger acquisition in the market, which is has reached a level of success in spite of how they operate, not because of it.

00:33:47:03 - 00:34:01:02
Alex De Fina
And that uncoupling, some of those emotional needs that they're trying to take off throughout their business might be the cutting of the anchors, which lets them march towards.

00:34:01:04 - 00:34:24:00
Itamar Marani
The sentiment of a different way. I think the Mr. Nice guys, they oftentimes have, let's call it just for the simplicity of language. They have $1,000,000 business in their hands right now, but they only give themselves permission to have a 300 K business. And that's the thing, whether it's because of the pricing or whether it's because of certain employees that don't need to be there, but it is dragging it down, whatever it may be.

00:34:24:00 - 00:34:43:12
Itamar Marani
It's like they have everything in place. They've already built enough assets, enough reputation, whatever it may be, to have a much bigger business right now if they give themselves permission to do it. And like a classic example of it or someone has also been on the pod and just like a star is Ben and think you met him at one of their events.

00:34:43:12 - 00:35:06:20
Itamar Marani
But I did the star, like when he started out he was charging five. I think he was making about 5ka month from as CFO Services, and there were people that were getting lesser results than him charging 25 can't one in the same industries. And it was just a matter of like him recognizing that it's perfectly fine to charge a lot and deliver a lot at the same time.

00:35:06:22 - 00:35:29:12
Itamar Marani
Like having a win win is better than just being nice and helping others while helping yourself is the right way. And I he as soon as he started realizing that, recognize that he had a bunch of claims, a bunch of extra deductions as like first off, he started charging what he should be charging. And his income also grew to like clear income of a I don't want to put this out there, but his income grew a lot.

00:35:29:13 - 00:35:44:01
Itamar Marani
And then at the end of it, he also basically right now the recent thing he did, he acquired five businesses of his own. He gave himself over and said, I'm going to acquire five. Is that I mean, just in two lives in that you can if you want to live off that passive income just from those businesses. And he was a classic example.

00:35:44:01 - 00:35:53:18
Itamar Marani
Someone had a phenomenal, phenomenal skill set. It's just about the permission to say, okay, I don't have to be nice. I can actually get what I want as well and do it a way that serves right.

00:35:53:18 - 00:36:04:06
Alex De Fina
So he was unnecessarily bringing other personal needs or wants into his business. And his business was obviously up and yeah, yeah, it's great.

00:36:04:08 - 00:36:20:17
Itamar Marani
And it's a great way you said it and it's it's these emotional wants that there are across all the archetypes the Mr. Harder wants a sense of excitement and adrenaline so he brings that into the business that of being strategic The Mr. Nice guy who wants to feel appreciated wants to be told that they're good, wants to get approval, whatever it may be.

00:36:20:19 - 00:36:39:10
Itamar Marani
So instead of making the right strategic decisions, they make emotional decisions that give them that approval. So, for example, if I'm being over nice and I'm giving you like, let's say were a deal or a partnership and logically it should be 5050. But I'm like, you know what? You have 90%, I'll have 10%. That doesn't actually serve me.

00:36:39:10 - 00:37:01:01
Itamar Marani
However, you will absolutely tell me, you know, you're such a great guy. That is so generous of you. That's amazing. And that can make me feel so nice inside and I can end up prioritizing that instead of what's actually strategic and effective for what I truly want. Because the reality is most likely than not a year or two later that that wasn't a great deal for him.

00:37:01:03 - 00:37:05:09
Itamar Marani
But in the moment it made me feel good about myself.

00:37:05:11 - 00:37:36:18
Alex De Fina
Absolutely. Any time a business where and usually it's always with benefit of hindsight or new perspectives, new skills, but I can look back and say I was absolutely making an emotional decision there rather than a strategic decision. Any benefit I experience in the short term, I the feeling was a huge compounding tax that I had to pay at some point later because I was avoiding what was actually strategically correct to be doing at the time.

00:37:36:18 - 00:37:39:08
Alex De Fina
So yeah.

00:37:39:10 - 00:37:53:13
Itamar Marani
So and again, kind of cap it and that's all we're trying to do with these archetypes. That's the beauty of them. If we can understand, Oh, I associate with a harder guy, oh, I associate with the Mr. Nice Guy. I'm like, Oh, okay, I have these emotional needs, so I need to be aware of that because again, my car always tilts left.

00:37:53:13 - 00:38:11:06
Itamar Marani
And I just to correct it a little bit, the steering went to the right and recognize that whenever I'm about to enter any kind of negotiation, any kind of process, whatever, that's my emotional those are my emotional needs that I'm bringing to the table that aren't actually going to serve, not going to be effective. And that's going to ruin my performance and I'm being effective.

00:38:11:08 - 00:38:13:19
Itamar Marani
That's how it all ties back.

00:38:13:21 - 00:38:16:05
Alex De Fina
We'll go to. Right.

00:38:16:06 - 00:38:35:03
Itamar Marani
So let's move on to the final one. And like you said, this one has a bit of an overlap. The chip on the shoulder guy or the preview wrong guy, they end up having similar actions. So they go harder in a lot of ways, like it looks at that from the outside, but it comes from a different place and this is important to understand.

00:38:35:05 - 00:38:58:15
Itamar Marani
So the chip on the shoulder guy filters everything through the lens of proving his worth and his ability, often to people from his past who told him he wasn't enough. He's incredibly talented but makes choices based on what will demonstrate his capabilities rather than what actually works best. He builds these really elaborate systems. When simple ones would do, he takes the hardest path to every goal and prioritizes oftentimes even vanity metrics over results.

00:38:58:17 - 00:39:19:23
Itamar Marani
And he exhausts themselves, trying to prove points that don't need to be proved. He thinks himself the whole time. This will prove how capable I am, and his result is you pay the price to progress stalls from optimizing for things that will feed his ego instead of actually getting him results. And again, I be talking about the positive, the negative, the positive of the proven guys wrong.

00:39:19:23 - 00:39:35:01
Itamar Marani
And I can tell that the chip on the shoulder that a lot of guys are like, Man, that got me out of a really dark place. Like I was very lazy in high school or I wasn't great at college or whatever it may be. And having this thing I need to prove people wrong. It's what got me my success.

00:39:35:03 - 00:39:58:02
Itamar Marani
And I think this is really important that that whole proving someone wrong can be an amazing fuel to get you out of a bad situation. But it's not a great compass after that. And and that's where things can get challenging. It can take you in all of these kind of weird directions where instead of saying, what's the most direct path to success, you start saying, How can I prove people wrong?

00:39:58:04 - 00:40:18:00
Itamar Marani
How can I make them think, Oh, he's very talented. Oh, he's very clever, Oh, he's very smart. And that's when we start to just do things that aren't the path of least resistance or the simplest path to our success, the most direct path to success. And that's when I get tired. Back to performance and effectiveness is where, again, it was really great to get you out of a dark place.

00:40:18:02 - 00:40:33:16
Itamar Marani
It's not a great compass to get to your next level of success. You can start optimizing before be wrong instead of what will be the easiest way to achieve success. Yeah, I can see you're nodding along with this. Yeah. Yeah. Very passionate agreement.

00:40:33:18 - 00:41:09:19
Alex De Fina
I've I've tried this out in both ways. One would be innovation where innovation in the past might have been an unlock to your business success is innovating for the sake of innovation rather than using an existing tool that really got the job done or like the elastic weren't quite the greatest say the greatest in fiction that most smart engineers have is identifying, automating and optimizing something which shouldn't exist.

00:41:09:21 - 00:41:50:06
Alex De Fina
And I think that to do box of unnecessary complexity, unnecessary innovation cycles is trying to solve an emotional problem of I am smart, I am capable rather than yeah which which screwed guys to the rich right brought halt and to make this machine turn now so I've made I made both mistakes both on the innovation or the optimization unnecessarily to solve the internal emotional needs rather than external business strategic performance.

00:41:50:08 - 00:42:06:13
Itamar Marani
I think we've all done that, man. I think it's very rare that I've met someone that doesn't have some level of this. They got a little chip on their shoulder wanting to prove people wrong or whatever it may be. And this was something that I remember. I had a conversation with a friend when I was just starting out this business.

00:42:06:13 - 00:42:21:16
Itamar Marani
I don't remember exactly what the topic was, but he's like, Why do you want to do this? He's like, Oh, I think this will be like a really great way to prove that I a really strong mindset about I'm doing something that's very challenging and all that. And he's like, What if instead of you do something that's easier and then build it bigger?

00:42:21:18 - 00:42:39:13
Itamar Marani
And I was like, I do not like the truth and simplicity of what you just said. And it was very clearly that that's what I was trying to do. I was just trying to prove something instead of saying, What's the most effective thing? And he, as an outsider, didn't have any attachment to my emotional needs. He was saying to me, That's not effective.

00:42:39:13 - 00:42:54:11
Itamar Marani
Why don't you just do this? Building a big business is going to be hard no matter what. So just to try to make it as easy as possible. And it's interesting when you brought that word up about innovation, because when I actually think about it, that's the pattern I see with all these guys and that's their dominant trait.

00:42:54:12 - 00:43:15:11
Itamar Marani
It's all about how can I innovate things that don't need to be innovated? Like instead of running this playbook that has worked for everybody, how can I just do this on my own and be a special snowflake? Or how can I just do something or not? Even a lot of times they don't give themselves permission to actually do the thing until they can put their own stamp of uniqueness on.

00:43:15:12 - 00:43:34:16
Itamar Marani
Like if this is, for example, these guys, they never run the if right now a great opportunities to run an agency, right? They're just going to build agents pretty simple out of the box. People will need it. They will see that opportunity and they will not do it unless they can put their own special little spin on it.

00:43:34:18 - 00:43:48:02
Itamar Marani
Even there seems like a gaping hole in the marketplace that they know they will get paid, they won't be able to get themselves to do anything for their own unique little spin on. And again, that's just not effective as far as performance and getting the results that you want.

00:43:48:04 - 00:43:57:22
Alex De Fina
Yeah, I think I still struggle with that at this point. A lot of opportunities which I've forced over because I couldn't put my special little student.

00:43:58:00 - 00:44:05:16
Itamar Marani
And so let me ask that like where do you feel that that's coming from? Why? What will that give you? If you can put your own special, unique spin on.

00:44:05:18 - 00:44:13:22
Alex De Fina
You would give me emotional recognition. I am that smart. I am capable.

00:44:14:00 - 00:44:42:12
Itamar Marani
Yeah. And it's like that's like we said with all this stuff, that's a challenge that when we bring our emotions into decision making, we're not performing at arrest. And the whole point, like I hope this is like also like something that something I use these archetypes to recognize about myself. Like, Oh, this guy and that guy now is it's recognize like if that's what's going on, that I probably shouldn't trust myself right now if I'm an initially defaulting saying and like, oh, I should just I shouldn't do this because I can't put my unique brand on it.

00:44:42:12 - 00:45:13:12
Itamar Marani
Like I don't know don't know that's that prove me wrong part about me. That's that chip on my shoulder that I recognize always steers me in the wrong direction. And it's interesting that you said those words because in the book and the bottom of the of the chapter or the section about to go the prove you wrong guy, the chip on the shoulder guy, it says when it comes to results, normal drive plus strategic direction is better than hyper driver your super motivated super understand super fascinated but with emotional direction.

00:45:13:14 - 00:45:39:09
Itamar Marani
And that's the thing we're saying a lot of times these chip on the shoulder guys are saying, I don't want to let this chip go because that's what gives me my drive. It's like it's what got me out of that really dark place and it's my fuel. And the reality is what I've seen from people that are able to let go of this, you've even if they do lose a little bit of their drive, which honestly doesn't happen much because it's already it's almost become a habit at this point where they just go, go, go, go, go.

00:45:39:11 - 00:45:58:11
Itamar Marani
But even if they do lose some of their drive, but they're able to channel this that energy in a strategic place with the path of least resistance, they actually achieve better than somebody whose hyperdrive is going all over the place or avoiding the things that could be easy to get them results because it's not unique. It's not going to fulfill that emotional need, like you said.

00:45:58:13 - 00:46:02:11
Alex De Fina
And it's powerful.

00:46:02:13 - 00:46:11:00
Itamar Marani
Yeah. So any questions about the prove you wrong guy?

00:46:11:02 - 00:46:15:17
Alex De Fina
No further questions. I think you've explained it really well coached.

00:46:15:20 - 00:46:30:03
Itamar Marani
So I want to kind of bring up the last point, which is really interesting because before we we talked about the podcast, you kind of created this analysis and you created this ideal performer guy. You talk about kind of like what were your thoughts about how can we create this person?

00:46:30:05 - 00:47:19:16
Alex De Fina
Sure. So I think I understand the categorizations of the different sizes. I think I understand this across sections. And as a visual thinker, I feel it's a cross cross-section or whereas a convergence, whereas a divergence, Venn diagrams, what comes to mind. And what I was trying to do was to first of all clarify is my understanding of these designers from a SWOT analysis, just using a simple tool to understand the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats for each persona, and then is an ability to create the ultimate persona, the ultimate Swiss Army knife of those personas where I could maximize the positives.

00:47:19:18 - 00:47:44:23
Alex De Fina
I can go hard and make friends along the way and keep everyone happy and do things in creatively and prove over Hate is wrong. So is there potential to create a new persona which maximizes the upsides of those evolutionary optics and then minimizes the downsides?

00:47:45:01 - 00:48:04:18
Itamar Marani
Yeah. So it was interesting that you brought that up because I think that's how we all naturally kind of default saying like, how could I focus on the ideal version? And like, I saw that you even like I think you got Chad Jupiter to create the ten golden rules that you performance like from all these archetypes.

00:48:04:19 - 00:48:05:17
Alex De Fina
MM hmm.

00:48:05:19 - 00:48:34:07
Itamar Marani
Now, think about it this way. If you brought in a really, really smart consultant into your business and they were like, Okay, like, here is a ten laws of business, you should be doing this. You'd be like, Okay, that's kind of helpful. But if you brought someone else in and they're like, Okay, these are your exact issues. These are the exact issues that you guys have in your business, and this is how you need to make sure that they don't cause you to slip up in this how you need to fix them.

00:48:34:09 - 00:48:37:18
Itamar Marani
You'd probably think the second guy is more valuable, right?

00:48:37:20 - 00:48:38:23
Alex De Fina
Sure.

00:48:39:01 - 00:48:57:09
Itamar Marani
And that's why we try to create these archetypes, because instead of just saying, okay, here's the ideal, like just strive for this ideal. So notice these are your specific weak points. These are your vulnerable performance vulnerability points at the call. So you don't need to think about how does the ideal workshop is organized. This is who I am.

00:48:57:11 - 00:49:13:13
Itamar Marani
So if I just know that this is where I veer to the left, then I need to correct for it. I think it actually creates a better result for people as far as their ability to perform than saying this is the Ten Commandments, so to speak. If I recall, these are the three things I need to watch out for personally.

00:49:13:13 - 00:49:21:02
Itamar Marani
Me, personally, I think it's just more effective. But what do you think about that? Like not hearing with that perspective?

00:49:21:04 - 00:49:46:06
Alex De Fina
I think the to go back one step there. The reason why I prompted you to give me the golden rules is I know that otherwise it's just this aspirational idea with no instructions with it. Whereas if the golden rules can be adhered to, then it's more likely to act in groups. With that act up too.

00:49:46:06 - 00:49:49:20
Itamar Marani
It's like a checklist. Am I making sure that I'm not slipping into the architecture?

00:49:49:22 - 00:50:15:08
Alex De Fina
Yeah. Yeah, I recognize your point. Everyone probably goes, I would like to go hard. I would like to keep people happy along the way and know so I understand that people would naturally default to just like in the financial markets, people try to pick stocks in top of the market and that's why most people don't outperform the market because of our own biases or blind spots.

00:50:15:10 - 00:50:59:18
Alex De Fina
So the golden rules is almost me. Try to take the West out of Warren Buffett is okay if I just did these things and I viewed it as is to how would I avoid the pitfalls that most people make because they default into trying to talk about what they've got. A unique insight perspective that I take away from your point that the specific ability to identify the specific constraint, the specific way to overcome that constraint is largely a lot more practical to the individual to generate momentum forwards as opposed to a vague aspiration and a list of rules with no, no specific.

00:50:59:20 - 00:51:05:04
Alex De Fina
Yes, I guess this is a general was a specific equation. Yeah.

00:51:05:06 - 00:51:23:06
Itamar Marani
Yeah. This is thing perspective. And I also share that I think it's less about how to help people move forward. It's more about how to make sure people aren't holding themselves back. Yeah, because again, the the go harder guy, the way you hold himself back is by working to almost near exhaustion and then just not being as effective.

00:51:23:08 - 00:51:46:16
Itamar Marani
The Mr. Nice guy holds himself back by over accommodating, over pleasing and just keeping the wrong people around him. We're just not asking for what he should able to ask for and prove wrong Guy He holds himself back by just creating a lot of complexity because it gives him that emotional high, that emotional kick. Instead of saying the path of least resistance, even if it doesn't prove anything, just gets me the result.

00:51:46:18 - 00:51:49:00
Itamar Marani
So these architects.

00:51:49:02 - 00:52:11:11
Alex De Fina
Take advantage of I'm going to say this, it's absolutely your your superpower, and it's something which I wish I knew how to summarize, articulate better, because I feel there's infinite information out there about how to go, how to go faster. So if I was engineering a yacht right now, it's this is how designed this is. Engines, transmissions. That's the way you would finally do the breath.

00:52:11:11 - 00:52:39:18
Alex De Fina
What you do call plunge, do all the things. So there's plenty of information out there about how to go harder or whatever. But if the ship is moored and big chains all that stuff is completely irrelevant now because the ship can't go anywhere and a big part of your superpower, I really believe, is having an incredibly unique skill set to identify is this person board?

00:52:39:19 - 00:53:24:08
Alex De Fina
How are they more than how do I cut those ropes now so that they can move? It's really the best way to move forward isn't like an hour earlier or having this type of the market. It is likely undoing the shackles that are holding you back. And I wish I knew how to articulate that better as an analogy because it's so powerful seeing that in real time as a client, if you will, just to Irena in a way, is see how quickly those unlocks actually play out in the outcomes of of of notes once they can be correctly identified, understood and then solutions of how to wait.

00:53:24:10 - 00:53:51:00
Itamar Marani
For the library to the cameras. First off that it's something that again I the whole purpose of why we wrote this book is because I think the approach to to mindset is kind of flawed these days because there's there's enough of how to go harder. But what else are on the book, which is so fascinating to me, is that when I started working with Colonel Glenn, the Mossad's chief psychologist, I expected him to actually be like, okay, this is how you overcome these demons in your mind.

00:53:51:00 - 00:54:07:15
Itamar Marani
This is how you push through them, how you break through. And it was not it was just saying like, how can we remove this stuff from your head that causes the pressure, the emotional overwhelm, whatever it may be, so that you don't have to push harder, but you can achieve more with the same amount of effort or even more with less effort.

00:54:07:17 - 00:54:31:13
Itamar Marani
Like the analogy that I try to give. And again, I'm not as good as you as an analogy is that it's not about learning to press harder on the guest total. Like if you're listening to this podcast, if you're the kind of person listening to this podcast, it's going to pass, it's going to read the book you already have, you're pressing the guest you're going for, even if you're, let's say, the Mr. Nice Guy or sometimes doesn't feel comfortable pressing it, you still have that in you that you press gas to your challenge.

00:54:31:13 - 00:54:58:20
Itamar Marani
Is there some kind of emotional handbrake that you're keeping there, that emotional need that causes you to not actually go full on in the right direction? And again, we have different emotional responses to when we have when we feel a certain sense of pressure. The Mr.. The go harder when he feels pressure his answer just to go harder and you might go harder and to crash into a wall the Mr. Nice guy when he feels it's a pressure, he'll just back off big.

00:54:58:23 - 00:55:17:17
Itamar Marani
Okay? I just want to make sure that everyone's happy and again holds him back from success and the chip on the shoulder guy or the prove you wrong guy. His thing is that he feels under the pressure and he'll just go. Like he'll try to go twice as fast to prove that he can go twice as fast, even if it's in the wrong direction.

00:55:17:19 - 00:55:43:12
Itamar Marani
And if we can just understand where our emotional responses cause us to underperform and just focus on making sure that we correct for that, that's beautiful. Like, for example, Scott and I, we had a session the other week and asked him how it was and how things were going and the guy, you know, I did this because I'm that I'm being that Mr. Good like they go harder guy to get and it was such a beautiful moment because he was able to utilize the language to recognize I'm doing that so I need to back off of it.

00:55:43:14 - 00:56:00:01
Itamar Marani
It's like I'm saying what? Whenever I wake up and I think, should I go do a workout or not, I probably means I shouldn't because I'm that guy that injures himself. It's the same thing. If you can just say yourself, Oh, I know I'm about to head into a negotiation or about that entire conversation, and I know I'm usually the Mr. Nice guy.

00:56:00:03 - 00:56:23:04
Itamar Marani
That means that I need to overcompensate to the other and make sure that I stand up for what I need. If you're seeing an opportunity and you're saying, Oh, but I know that on that ship, on the shoulder, right, I'm going to try to over complicate things or try to put that unique. How what would I tell somebody else to do if I took my emotional needs out of it, but just wanted somebody achieve a result really simply, really effectively or what I tell them to do.

00:56:23:06 - 00:56:42:02
Itamar Marani
And if you can start having these kind of conversation with yourself and using these frames, it can really be beneficial. That's why you put so much effort into putting it together. So as a kind of final self-diagnosis exercise to really identify which archetype you lean towards, I want to offer you guys one question or one challenge for each type.

00:56:42:04 - 00:57:07:20
Itamar Marani
So if you recognize yourself as a go harder guy, ask yourself, or in my life, do I need to apply strategy instead of force? Where am I too close to burnout? And I allow myself to think strategically where we're not utilizing all the assets and leverage that I have. If you recognize yourself in that Mr. Nice guy, ask yourself right now, where am I avoiding necessary conflict to keep people happy?

00:57:07:22 - 00:57:29:06
Itamar Marani
This could be inside my business. It could be inside my personal life, whatever it may be. Why am I people pleasing? Or if you're on that chip on the shoulder guy that tries to prove people wrong, ask yourself, What's the simplest way to achieve my goal? Instead of proving a point or proving myself and how capable I am?

00:57:29:08 - 00:57:50:00
Itamar Marani
If you can just say, Oh, this guy and I need to always ask myself that question again. I was saying it could take you away from just underperforming, not by giving you more tricks or methods for removing the resistance for you. College just underperform. So with that said, Alex, any last things before we wrap up today?

00:57:50:02 - 00:58:17:18
Alex De Fina
I just want to offer a secondary question. I those props today is really, really helpful. So if the go to guy you went where my life, where would I benefit from being more strategic people place up where do I need to put my foot down and stand up rather than just from people? I'm happy people are all about where do I actually need to do what's required rather than trying to tick boxes emotionally?

00:58:17:20 - 00:58:19:04
Alex De Fina
I'm so.

00:58:19:06 - 00:58:37:07
Itamar Marani
Sorry. I'm just going to say that because doing what's required. Yeah, because doing what's right can be a tricky question. Because doing what's required could be what's required to give me emotional satisfaction or to give to feel that voice in my head. So it's really important to the question, what's the simplest way to achieve this goal, to achieve the outcome that I say that I want?

00:58:37:09 - 00:58:38:04
Alex De Fina
Yes.

00:58:38:06 - 00:58:40:15
Itamar Marani
It just puts a different lens on that.

00:58:40:15 - 00:59:03:04
Alex De Fina
Forget it. Thank you for doing that, because when I was listening to you, give those prompts to ourselves, always imagining myself having this conversation with myself or with peers and it's not obvious to me that the answer would immediately come up. So to go how to guide, you know, where do you need to be more strategic? You know, their answer might be nowhere really to go harder.

00:59:03:06 - 00:59:24:15
Alex De Fina
So maybe a follow up question could be Where are you life? Are you experiencing friction? And they might say, Yeah, my marriage or this business deals that, okay, that might be the area we need to be more strategic. You're experiencing friction right now to go harder approach or default is not working for you. Did you see any merit in that in that's the follow up question.

00:59:24:15 - 00:59:28:18
Alex De Fina
If they ask enough initial prompt and still not come up with any.

00:59:28:20 - 00:59:44:06
Itamar Marani
I think is great and all of time they also challenges putting a constraint on it again in kind of your way, saying this is the area that's challenging and I wasn't able to go hard on it. Why would I do? And all of a sudden that takes away that default is going on because you're not allowed to do that.

00:59:44:08 - 01:00:02:21
Itamar Marani
It's a better composition for ours. Instead of just hammering away at a 16, what would you do for the Mr. Nice Guy if you weren't able to accommodate people or if you weren't able just make this person happy, what would you want for yourself for for the. Mr.. So I just want to add this last one to that.

01:00:03:02 - 01:00:18:03
Itamar Marani
To the last guy chip on the shoulder. Got a big one that I ask a lot of the clients with. This is like, if no one could ever know about this, how you did it, you would never get any praise no one would like. You would never be able to announce it. How would you go about it in the most simple way?

01:00:18:05 - 01:00:43:02
Alex De Fina
Like that's yeah, that's great. I think those having a library to follow up prompts to challenge ourselves on a really, really helpful because we likely the gravity of that default can be quite strong, especially the longer and more successful we've been with that with that default actor. So just a follow up question of but if you had to.

01:00:43:02 - 01:01:07:20
Alex De Fina
So if I said you, if you had to do this in one hour and not one year, how would it be done? Also possible. It's just a little bit long hike, right? Yeah, but if it had to happen. Well, you believe this dot to this dot, right? Maybe we could follow that path. So I personally really benefit from some of these prompts because I recognize that the solutions are likely outside of my perspective.

01:01:07:22 - 01:01:14:12
Alex De Fina
And those prompts offer me an opportunity to think about it differently.

01:01:14:13 - 01:01:37:21
Itamar Marani
So although this, first of all, will add to here, because that's a big part of the the bonuses we have in the book is prompts for each specific archetype. So when we go through that, there's different parts of the book about how to get clarity, about how to figure out your most direct path to action, how to remove all these kind of things in your past is performance anchors, and we have very specific prompts and guides and tips for each archetype because this is how you need to be.

01:01:37:22 - 01:01:58:18
Itamar Marani
Think about is if you recognize yourself as a go harder guy. So with that said, if you want to preorder your book, you'll get access to those tips. To those guys, you can go to military grade mindset dot com after to the book. Also have the link in the show notes below. And aside from that, I would love to hear your opinion guys, if you would like to email me or the me and just like say to yourself which architect did resonate with the most of you?

01:01:58:18 - 01:02:16:12
Itamar Marani
And what about it? Hit home. I would love to hear your thoughts and your comment on this. Aside from that, and on that note, we'll end the podcast for today. I hope it was helpful for you guys. And again, it's about if you can recognize where you're veering off to the left and you guys recognize this is where I always veer off and you can just correct that.

01:02:16:14 - 01:02:20:07
Itamar Marani
You can save yourself so much, hassle you so much more with less effort.