New Years Review 2021 – Lessons, Implementations & My Mindset Struggles
“We adapt to the weight that’s on our shoulders”
The start of 2021 was pure chaos.
Our first child was just a couple weeks old. Due to Covid we were stuck in Vietnam away from our families and the street outside our house was flooded for weeks on end due to the hardest winter the region had seen in over 30 years.
Around that time I read a thread about entrepreneurship and fatherhood and one post stopped me in my tracks.
“It’s ok if your business doesn’t grow or even shrinks in the first two years of fatherhood.”
I simply was not willing to accept that as my reality.
And that’s what 2021 was. It was an immensely challenging year of me not being willing to lower my standards despite immense challenges.
- Having to move 8 houses with a baby and a dog due to floods and one break in
- Procuring a passport for a baby born overseas in a foreign country during lockdown COVID so that we could enter a country closed to travel with our Vietnamese puppy
- The fear of losing my father due to a cardiac arrest while we were stuck in another country
- Being a first time father
- Navigating the immense complexity of getting my family out of a martial law COVID lockdown to get on a unconfirmed flight while waiting for the approval to travel to a country that, at the time of our flight, we did not have the permission to enter
Were there times where that weight was too much and I broke a bit? Absolutely.
Did it take me too long to accept that I needed to change things to not keep getting overwhelmed? Of course.
But no one said adaptation was painless.
In hindsight I adapted to the weight that I purposefully placed on my shoulders, both in business and in my family life… And it was a big learning process
Here are my main reflections in 3 categories:
- 5 Lessons learned
- 3 Ways I’ll be implementing those lessons in 2022
- 2 Mindset issues I still struggle with
I also share my 11 biggest wins
Thank you to everyone who was a part of it.
5 Lessons Learned
1. We adapt to the weight on our shoulders… If we’re willing to pay a price
As of December 2021 my wife and I have never felt more strongly connected as a team and my business has almost 3x last year’s profit.
I’m immensely proud of what I’ve accomplished and built this year.
However it didn’t come without a price. I felt burnt out several times this year and am nowhere near my physical peak.
It’s been a tough year…
When I was preparing for the special forces my older brother offered me a piece of advice that I still carry with me: “Pain is temporary, pride is forever.”
Have I felt pain this year? Yes
Am I still a little tired and worse for wear? 100%. But I’m also immensely proud and have no doubt I’ll be back better than ever after a well-earned month-long break.
The lesson here is to expect and accept that if you’re trying to accomplish big things you’ll crash at times.
It’s a part of life, but when you recover from the crashes and keep going you know what will still be there? Growth, results and immense personal pride and satisfaction.
2. Being second place is tough… Even when it’s expected and is for all the right reasons
Before my wife gave birth, we made an effort to educate ourselves on what to expect from the first year of parenthood.
I knew that one of the most common issues new fathers deal with is that they go from being one of their partners top priorities to being one of their last after the birth.
The mother needs to take care of the baby and recover from the birth itself. This process usually takes at least 8 months for the mother to feel like she’s getting back to her old self and until that happens the father will need to adjust to being less of a priority to her.
I fully understood and accepted this going in. It made sense to me and we even got our little pup Bo, to help provide me some companionship and mitigate the effects of new fatherhood.
However intellectually understanding something and experiencing it are two completely different things.
I had prepared for it to be hard, but I failed to prepare and anticipate how I would feel from not having the kind of support and love I was accustomed to having from my wife.
A lot of emotions that I should’ve anticipated caught me by surprise and caused a lot of confusion. As a result, I acted in ways that ran counter to the kind of man I wanted to be..
The lesson here is to not just accept the price of certain things, but to look deeper. To anticipate and breakdown the toll they might take and then have concrete actions on what you can do when things catch you off guard and you feel overwhelmed.
3. We can’t expect people to see us for who we are today…
When we meet people from our past we tend to have a certain expectation of them because of who we remember them as. We expect them to behave in certain ways, have certain opinions and so on.
The challenge is that we all subconsciously do this, but get frustrated when it happens to us.
Especially if we’re constantly trying to grow and evolve.
Coming home this year was a confusing and frustrating experience for me.
I knew how much I had grown as a man and as a businessman. What I initially felt was a frustration at not being treated with the respect I thought I deserved… but what was actually going on was that I was frustrated at the lack of approval I subconsciously desired from my parents.
I wanted to be seen for who I am today and the positive impact business I’ve built, but I wasn’t able to understand how that was too big of an ask.
My parents had gone through their own challenges with my fathers cardiac arrest and coma on top of covid. They had their own experiences they were dealing with.. Expecting them to immediately drop everything and recognize the more mature and evolved man that their middle son had grown into after a decade away from home was unrealistic.
What helped me finally have some peace was a tough decision my wife urged me to make.
It was deciding to let go of the expectation I’ve held for the past 34 years of seeing my parents as just my parents and to start seeing them as individuals. To accept that they’re not flawless figures, but individuals who’ve also been through their own challenging experiences and are more than deserving of compassion and leeway.
Once I started seeing them as humans almost all of my frustration went away and so did the friction that came with it.
4. Who Dares Wins
Who Dares Wins” is the motto of the elite special forces and one that I re enforced with my clients and myself this year
The sooner we accept that we are fear driven creatures, the sooner we can course-correct and choose to act with courage.
Constantly reminding myself “If this motto has held up through almost 100 years within the elite special forces, who deal with actual life and death, why aren’t I being more bold in the face of mere judgement or meaningless failure?”
This year was a constant process of acknowledging the presence of fear, not surrendering to it and daring instead. I dared constantly and as a result, had some big wins.
I launched and sold a group training program before it was ready… It’s now evolved into The Arena Mindset Accelerator and helped me both understand the future of what I’m building and attract some A players who are so enthusiastic about the program, they want to be a part of it and help it grow.
I spoke at conferences about my personal failures not knowing how the response would be, but believing it would be the right thing to do… And had my first 6 figure profit month.
I continuously raised my prices to what I thought was fair in spite of my fear of how my clients might react… and in the process created time and financial security for my family while also working with some amazing individuals.
But most of all, I went for it this year. I didn’t just accept the whole “it’s ok” mindset and dared to demand greatness of myself… and I couldn’t be more grateful that I chose courage.
Who dares wins.
5. Addition By Subtraction
Often removing certain things can create infinitely faster and more impactful results than trying to add more on top of what’s currently there.
I’ve experienced this both on a personal level and have also seen it in my clients.
Removing harmful external things, like negative people around you is infinitely more effective than learning some new way to deal with how they make us feel.
Resolving the internal fears, doubts and mental blocks we all hold is also infinitely more effective than trying to override them with motivation.
And you know what else? The change actually lasts.
It’s like removing the issues with a building’s foundations instead of trying to add more scaffolding.
As a truth-seeker I just can’t deny the results that this approach is creating. I feel a responsibility to share it with the world.
Yes, subtracting is emotionally harder than just adding more. It doesn’t allow us to deny or turn a blind eye to the real issue.
It requires us to honestly assess what’s going on and to take tough action in spite of the short-term discomfort.
It requires courage.
The flagship module of The Arena Mindset Accelerator is built on “Internal Addition by Subtraction,” i.e. removing mental blocks. The results people have gotten from just this specific module has blown me away.
I feel compelled to put this into a format that can be accessible for everyone. I’m not sure if writing a book fits into my business model but at the very least, expect an E-book this year about what really creates sustainable elite performance.
3 ways I’ll Be Implementing My Lessons in 2022
1. Hiring and creating a team
This Might frustrate me. Cause short-term issues, but I’ll adapt to that weight and be happier for it once 2023 rolls in.
2. Podcast and Youtube Channel
It will create a bigger workload, but it will pay dividends.
3. Book
At least an Ebook. At best a proper book.
2 Mindset Issues I Still Struggle With
Perfectionism
I struggle with perfectionism. In 2021 I took the extra step even when it didn’t make an impactful difference.
I used to tell myself that it’s because I have high standards, but the truth is that I don’t always feel confident that doing just the 80/20 will be good enough.
Going for good enough instead of perfect is something that I’m getting better at thanks to technical workarounds like the Minimum Effective Dose Concept I shared, but more so because starting the Elite Foundations Podcast forced me to. It put me on the hook.
Were there episodes where I’ve felt like I wasn’t as coherent or provided as much value as I would’ve liked? Of course.
But we committed to recording an episode every week. So I couldn’t ask my co-host, Dr. Emil, to waste his time just to indulge my insecurities if something wasn’t perfect.
And it turned out to be more than good enough.
We got really positive feedback from both friends and listeners and it proved to me that even when something doesn’t feel perfect, it can be more than good enough.
It’s something I plan to force myself even more into with both a YouTube channel and at the very least an E-book in 2022… and to accept that they won’t be perfect, but more importantly will provide value to others and help me grow.
Fear of Not Being Tough Enough
When I recapped this year with my wife she told me:
“You did an amazing job honey”
I replied
“Yeah I agree. There were parts though which I wish I could’ve been better. Where I could have acted more aligned with the kind of man I want to be… That I try to be.”
Before I could expand she gave me a half grin and that look that I only half jokingly despise. It’s the look that she gives me when she’s about to point out something that is dead obvious to her yet I’m completely unaware of.
She told me that I need to accept that I’m a human being. To stop judging myself against an ideal as if I’m a robot. To accept that if I get upset every once in a while or lose my desire to keep growing it doesn’t mean I’m soft… It just says that I’m a human being.
Logically I know how much allowing myself leeway and some slack here and there will actually allow me to achieve more and be much happier, but I still struggle to accept it.
My insecurities try to trick me into believing that it can be a slippery slope.
It’s something I’m looking forward to applying pressure to and cracking in 2022 by giving myself more time off and most importantly more permission to not have to do hard things for the sake of proving to myself that I can do hard things.
Notable Wins/Accomplishments
Celebrating my wins is something I’ve learned to be better about this year. In no particular order here are several notable wins or accomplishments I’m proud of this year
- Being able to enjoy the first year of fatherhood and intentionally and actively building an even more amazing and intimate relationship with my wife after a few challenging months.
- Creating a structured system around my IP that gets results and is scalable
- Graduating from 1:1 coaching to a 1:Many Mindset Accelerator and launching an ongoing support program.
- Making my first hire in the business
- The business making more profit in Q4 than all of last year.
- Having A players go through the Mindset Accelerator and then asking “How can I be a part of this?”
- Earning the ability to say no to lucrative 5 figure opportunities just because they didn’t align with my future vision
- Reconnecting with my parents and brothers after a long time apart due to covid.
- Not succumbing to dad-bod.
- Leading my family through some extremely tumultuous times, including 8 moves and finishing the year as a whole, happy and healthy unit.
- Launched The Elite Foundations Podcast with my good friend Dr. Emil
Final Thoughts
We adapt to the weight that’s on our shoulders. Yes, there might be pain, frustration and setbacks, but we’ll adapt.
Life in general and this year specifically have shown me that sooner or later the pain and frustrations subside and something else takes its place. More often than not it’s external achievements and more importantly immense internal pride and satisfaction.
So if this is the case, why not go for greatness? We can always adapt to the price it demands.
Who dares wins,
Itamar
P.S. I’d love to hear your biggest lesson from this year!
Feel free to share them in the comments below or shoot me an email if you’d rather do it more privately.
