“Limiting Beliefs” Is Nonsense | Elite Performance Podcast #38

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:20:14
Itamar Marani
People enable each other to be victims. And I don't mean that in a harsh way. I mean that in a compassionate way. And it's why sometimes changing your environment and changing the people you're around is the easiest way to change your belief structures, because the reality is, victimhood isn't this all-or-nothing thing? It's on a spectrum we can all exhibit it at times.

00:00:20:14 - 00:00:43:19
Itamar Marani
Today we're going to be talking about why focusing on limiting beliefs is an amateur approach to mindset, emotional fortitude, psychological safety, and this whole field of inner work that actually is geared towards results. So here's the deal. This whole term of limiting beliefs, it's a great marketing angle because people get it, but it's actually not the most impactful thing to focus on, even though it gets the most amount of attention.

00:00:44:12 - 00:01:00:07
Itamar Marani
Now, where I really recognized this was one of my former client who was actually on the podcast himself at one point when we started working together, he told me, Listen, man, I have these limiting beliefs and I try to work with them on a coach. And he tried to help me create more positive beliefs around these beliefs, but it didn't really work for me.

00:01:01:09 - 00:01:17:03
Itamar Marani
Every time when things got stressful and these negative, limiting beliefs came up, I tried to reframe them and say, okay, this is a more positive belief. This is what I should do, but I would never really buy into it. I was stressed and I would just go with my default what I thought was actually true and this whole concept of limiting beliefs, it didn't matter.

00:01:17:03 - 00:01:35:18
Itamar Marani
It didn't help me. And he was surprised when I told him, like, of course, that makes sense. It's not going to help you. Now, the reality is that most entrepreneurs who are able to be successful are realist, so they're not going to simply change their perspective of what's true about reality. If you just tell them all this is negative, what if you believe something positive instead and wish for that?

00:01:36:12 - 00:01:57:11
Itamar Marani
And because of that, this whole way the negative beliefs and limiting beliefs doesn't work. So today what we're going to dive into is talk about limiting beliefs versus false beliefs and truths and how to actually reset the way that you think in a way that's most beneficial to you and and rooted in reality. You can actually buy into it and get it to work for you.

00:01:57:23 - 00:02:14:13
Itamar Marani
So we're going to talk about these concepts and then an actual framework. Before we dive in, though, I want to introduce my co-host for today. We have Alex Safina here with us. Alex is an Arena alumni himself. He's an entrepreneur since school. Basically, he's a founder. Anything from marketing companies to real estate projects to an actual comedy club.

00:02:14:23 - 00:02:22:09
Itamar Marani
He founded the two biggest female only fitness brands in Asia, and he's also a business coach for the last two years himself. So first off, Alex, welcome and thank you for coming on board.

00:02:23:00 - 00:02:24:03
Alexander De Fina
Thank you. Thanks for having me.

00:02:24:19 - 00:02:28:10
Itamar Marani
Well, so first off, any thoughts of yours on the subject of the whole limiting beliefs?

00:02:29:18 - 00:02:46:14
Alexander De Fina
Yeah, it's it's interesting the play on words. So from what I understood in your preface there, limiting beliefs versus false beliefs and how do you separate based on that criteria of language?

00:02:46:14 - 00:03:06:18
Itamar Marani
Great. So it's a really good question, and I want to get into that in a second. So that kind of expensing is going to I'll build up to there in a very elegant way. So here's the deal. I think the reason some people think that mindset or emotional work or inner work is nonsense and it takes forever is because their approach lacks a kind of focus.

00:03:06:18 - 00:03:34:08
Itamar Marani
Okay. So they try to approach you saying, okay, what are my general limiting beliefs? Let's talk about that. And instead of that was much more impactful if you're actually trying to get results and move very quick is to approach things from an issue of basically a constraint issue to first figure out what you want, what you need to do, and then only look back to figure out, okay, if this is what I want and just wanting to know how to do that, what are the possible mental blocks that are holding me back that are actually limiting my success?

00:03:34:08 - 00:03:52:06
Itamar Marani
I'm just general things because unless you do that, that's the first thing you might be looking at things that don't actually make an impact. No one actually hold you back from achieving the life that you want to, having the business that you want. And first off, that's why I think a lot of people think this mindset stuff doesn't work because it is going to general like, let's find all your limiting beliefs in life.

00:03:53:11 - 00:03:59:14
Itamar Marani
And this is a very scattered approach. So first off, does that make sense before really dive into it?

00:04:00:06 - 00:04:01:02
Alexander De Fina
Does does.

00:04:01:20 - 00:04:18:12
Itamar Marani
Great. Now with on top of that, here's a problem with asking yourself what are my limiting beliefs? So let's say like you're really clear on what you want to get to. You're very clear on how to do that and know to say, okay, but I'm still not doing it. For some reason I can get myself to action the things that I should be actioning.

00:04:19:04 - 00:04:29:00
Itamar Marani
Now, if you ask myself, what are my limiting beliefs, that's nice, but the reality is it's not as impactful as figuring out what are my mental blindspots.

00:04:31:06 - 00:04:44:17
Itamar Marani
And that's why you saw in the arena what we did is we didn't ask you like, Hey, man, what are you what are your limiting beliefs? What do you think your limiting beliefs are on the subject? Because like the hits in life that really hurt us are never the ones that we expect are usually the ones that we don't expect.

00:04:44:17 - 00:05:03:11
Itamar Marani
Those hits are much, much harder. And I think that's the biggest issue with this whole limiting beliefs stuff in general is that people look for to say, What am I limiting beliefs? And they're trying to figure out what are my mental blindspots like, the limiting beliefs that, you know, whether you actually have solved them or not, they're kind of an Achilles heel.

00:05:05:03 - 00:05:27:02
Itamar Marani
But I would rather have an Achilles heel than a complete blind spot. That's when I can really get hurt. And I think by even just looking out for what am I limiting beliefs? Do you deny yourself the opportunity to figure out something new about yourself by, again, searching for something that you already know? These limiting beliefs? The first of those that makes sense so far it does.

00:05:27:12 - 00:05:48:22
Alexander De Fina
If elected. Not to double click on the language thing because it's something which helps me understand it better. So if I take the words limiting beliefs and replace that with false beliefs, that to me seems quite black and white. You can sort of argue it based on on evidence, whereas false belief, sorry, limiting beliefs sounds like it's more of a spectrum.

00:05:49:12 - 00:06:09:05
Alexander De Fina
And this whole like a spectrum of of, of how limiting or enabling or empowering it might be. So is that is that why you would otherwise say that the terminology limiting beliefs is B.S. because it's either true or false? And why am I sort of close to the money there in terms of like spectrum versus black or what.

00:06:10:14 - 00:06:28:23
Itamar Marani
I think about a bit differently. I think the limiting beliefs from what I've seen with a lot of entrepreneurs, even if they recognize this, is a belief that limits me that, well, this is still my belief. I still believe in it. And that's where I'm like, I'm just going to act on that because that's what I believe, regardless if it limits me or not, I'm not just going to go into something positive.

00:06:28:23 - 00:06:30:00
Itamar Marani
Just because it's something positive.

00:06:30:15 - 00:06:31:07
Alexander De Fina
Go to.

00:06:31:07 - 00:06:44:18
Itamar Marani
And what I've seen enable people to make the switch from being held, let's call it like captive in their actions by something that actually isn't true is not by calling it a limiting belief of actually recognizing, oh, this is a false belief. It's actually it's not true.

00:06:45:03 - 00:06:46:21
Alexander De Fina
Got it. Okay. That lands. Yeah.

00:06:47:07 - 00:06:47:22
Itamar Marani
That makes sense.

00:06:48:05 - 00:06:48:23
Alexander De Fina
That makes sense.

00:06:49:20 - 00:07:11:21
Itamar Marani
And again, I think that the biggest thing is with a lot of these things, we don't really know. We have blind spots, we have biases in decision making and this guys have we also have blind spots and people already trying to say, okay, I know these are my limiting beliefs when they approach, for example, let's say I'm in an impasse, get I'm clear on what I want, I'm clear what I need to do in order to make it happen.

00:07:12:23 - 00:07:32:10
Itamar Marani
But I'm not doing it. The first question, a lot of mindset people, it's hard to try to ask like, Oh, what are your limiting beliefs around the subject? And I think that's a mistake because then you're only you're only enabling them to to answer. What do I already know is an issue that's in my way instead of helping them identify certain blind spots that are really the things that are holding them back.

00:07:34:06 - 00:07:49:11
Alexander De Fina
Got it. Could you give a practical example of an avatar explaining something as a limiting belief and then how you would repackage that as a true or false belief?

00:07:49:11 - 00:08:03:00
Itamar Marani
I want to get into that in a little bit, but before I go, I want to first I want to make sure I'm clear on the and why. Searching for your limiting beliefs isn't the first thing you should do. Why constrains you is that clearly from from your perspective.

00:08:03:11 - 00:08:03:18
Alexander De Fina
Yeah.

00:08:04:12 - 00:08:23:08
Itamar Marani
Okay, great. So the way I would say it before to claiming it positive, limited, limiting, negative, whatever it may be, is just to do a complete flush of your belief structures to say, okay, now I've got to clear that if I want to get I want to get the business to X, in order to do that, we have to do these certain things.

00:08:23:08 - 00:08:38:03
Itamar Marani
We have to hire people. We have to progress. Some people go whatever it may be. So instead of asking my subject like, what am I limiting beliefs around this, just let me flesh out my entire belief structure around this stuff. And if you remember within the arena, we give a lot of prompts and how you view the world.

00:08:38:03 - 00:09:15:00
Itamar Marani
Certain consequences, certain like formulas. If I do this, it means X and I'm sure you see also that the guys around you that when we did that all of a sudden you see these faces, they're like, Oh wow, I never realized I thought about that. And that's the whole point. If we would have just asked people, What are your limiting beliefs, it'd be like, Oh, okay, I know I have this thing that I think that if I fire people, I'm not a nice guy, but all of a sudden when we give them the ability and basically the opportunity to flush things out, they discover new things and the moment of discovery, these new things, just

00:09:15:00 - 00:09:36:06
Itamar Marani
by them discovering them, they lose so much of their impact. It's like in a scary movie where you don't actually see the monster until more than halfway through. It's because of that. Because the moment something becomes known from unknown and loses a lot of his grip on us, it's not as scary anymore.

00:09:36:06 - 00:09:44:00
Alexander De Fina
So what does that flushing out process look like? It's like it's like a blank slate. And I'm just going to do a brain dump of my place.

00:09:44:21 - 00:10:05:11
Itamar Marani
Like, very well said. I would say a more guided brain. Them instead of just outgoing, like what a general believes that if you remember, we gave you guys a lot of prompts in the arena. That was the big deal of it. So like there's certain things that are general like worldviews, like people are this is I am all these kind of structures that I just want and this is how the world works in general.

00:10:07:05 - 00:10:16:06
Itamar Marani
And then the other consequence of beliefs that are very specific to something that unless I do this, then X will happen. Or if X then Y.

00:10:18:00 - 00:10:38:22
Alexander De Fina
And that that prompting process in. In your experience, is that beneficial to help someone articulate things or as you said before, discover things that they just like sitting in subconscious and they and a legitimate they don't know how to respond until they are sort of prompted or given the tools to do so.

00:10:39:11 - 00:11:00:18
Itamar Marani
I think it's both. They can work together. It's both. It's one in the same, almost gives them an opportunity for something from their subconscious all the way to conscious level where they also can like articulate. Oh wow, that's interesting. I think exactly this way. That's so interesting. I have a belief around hiring that I picked up because of an experience I had 20 years ago, so that's completely unrelated.

00:11:01:16 - 00:11:21:00
Itamar Marani
I never understood that. That's why I get this angst whenever I'm supposed to do this big thing. So it's both thing. I think that's the biggest part to get it from a subconscious place, a place where it is conscious. And it's also clear that, Oh, wow, that's interesting. I think this way. Mm hmm. Wow. No wonder I'm not doing the thing that I know I should be doing.

00:11:22:23 - 00:11:33:00
Alexander De Fina
That was definitely a key takeaway from the arena for me. As someone I believe I've done an average amount of self work over the years.

00:11:33:00 - 00:11:35:08
Itamar Marani
Is an above average. You've done a definite above average.

00:11:35:17 - 00:12:02:08
Alexander De Fina
But the processes that you help us with, just help help clarify and sort of like shine a light onto those and to uncover things that it had otherwise been sort of like in a in a malaise, you sort of like you sort of don't quite know how to think about it. And that process of of articulating it really helps because, look, I can look I can look at the belief and go, wow, that's that's not helpful at all.

00:12:03:12 - 00:12:09:22
Itamar Marani
Great. So let's ask is beyond unhelpful, were you able to look at them and recognize some of them? You know, that's also not true in the same way.

00:12:10:09 - 00:12:10:21
Alexander De Fina
Totally.

00:12:11:06 - 00:12:26:05
Itamar Marani
And that's the big thing and that's the real beauty of it. Then you were like, Oh, wow, this is just not helpful. It's limiting me. But you're like, Oh, wow. Because it's so clear and I flush this out around this subject like, Well, that's not relevant at all. That's not true at all.

00:12:26:05 - 00:12:47:00
Alexander De Fina
And what I've also noticed in I've been an evangelical trying to prompt a few friends to do the next arena in Arena program. And I've shared with them my discovery. I won't use the word limiting of my false beliefs, and just me sharing those soundbites has helped them go, Oh, I think that that kind of relates to me as well.

00:12:47:00 - 00:12:58:17
Alexander De Fina
I think I think I'm clinging on to something like that. It's really profound how how powerful those soundbites are or statements are. Yeah, once you can once you can put in words.

00:12:59:13 - 00:13:25:06
Itamar Marani
Yeah, it's like that whole that line that I keep iterating from quite young about until you make that unconscious conscious, it will direct your life in. You will call it fate. And I think it's like what you said about first thinking from unconscious to conscious. And then also on top of that, when you can articulate in a very, very clear and very precise manner that's trying to say, Oh, wow, this is like this exact thing is the exact issue that's holding me back.

00:13:27:00 - 00:13:42:23
Itamar Marani
Now, let me see if this belief that I hold that is very strong in there, let's stress that's it for I'm not going to say it's limiting or it's negative and try to come out with a counter positive belief. Let me actually falsify this. Let's see if it's valid for me to let go of it or not.

00:13:44:06 - 00:14:02:00
Alexander De Fina
Got it. And if I was to write down my sort of big false beliefs, looking at them on a piece of paper now, I can absolutely see how they are completely factually false, not limiting. Yeah, yeah.

00:14:02:16 - 00:14:21:10
Itamar Marani
They're both limiting and false. But the important thing is, I think for most people is to recognize that they are false. Now, if you also remember when we did in the arena, I think this is really for people to understand again, like why I'm saying don't just lean into limiting beliefs is that we didn't ask, what do you think are negative beliefs that you hold around the subject or what do you think are the beliefs that are limiting?

00:14:21:10 - 00:14:45:05
Itamar Marani
We didn't ask that at all. We simply ask, What are your thoughts around this topic? What are your thoughts about this in general? Let's flush out your entire belief system. Let's just do a flush of this. And then only after we do that, we recognize, you know what some of these things. What do you think are the ones that are really holding you back that would hold somebody else back from accomplishing what you need to accomplish, what you need to do?

00:14:45:12 - 00:15:02:18
Itamar Marani
If they also have these beliefs, what would be in in contrast to what you're supposed to do? I'm going to go, Oh, it's these three beliefs. Go right now. We're not saying it's limiting. We're not saying it's negative. Let's just address and see if they're actually true or not, if they're valid truth or if they're just false beliefs.

00:15:04:09 - 00:15:05:06
Itamar Marani
Do you remember that part?

00:15:05:16 - 00:15:06:18
Alexander De Fina
I do.

00:15:06:18 - 00:15:11:04
Itamar Marani
Right. So that's what I want to share on the page. So do you have any question before we go with this?

00:15:12:03 - 00:15:22:22
Alexander De Fina
Not really questions, but just to to stamp that. When you said both limiting and false, maybe another way to articulate it would be they are limiting because they're false.

00:15:24:01 - 00:15:44:12
Itamar Marani
Yes. Yeah. It's a really good way to say it. If it's limiting because it's true, like I have a belief that I shouldn't jump off the building. Like, that's a good belief to hope that's going to help me. And it's true. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. All right. So I want to jump into how, like, again, we didn't just look for limiting beliefs, We didn't just dive on that.

00:15:45:00 - 00:15:58:13
Itamar Marani
We just flushed out our subconscious. We recognize, okay, if I'm trying to accomplish something, I need to do these things. What am I believe structures around this now? What are the main things that I see could hold somebody back? Now, let's falsify them. Let's see the truth or not, because that is going to enable me to let them go.

00:15:58:14 - 00:16:21:05
Itamar Marani
Not just try to say, okay, I'm going to say something positive instead, try to falsify them. So three step process, we use for that. First off, again, we establish what's the belief for rule? How do I think and again, like you said, the clearer it is, the better. So about example would be hiring is bad or firing people is bad.

00:16:21:05 - 00:16:37:12
Itamar Marani
But saying that if I let people go, that means that I'm a bad leader and it proves that I was never cut out for entrepreneurship and people are not going to like me and my wife is also going to disapprove of me because you think I'm not an empathetic individual. That's a very clear thing. For example, I think we've had people in that.

00:16:37:12 - 00:17:06:22
Itamar Marani
I really say things like that. Okay, So then you figure out, okay, that's the belief. The rule is very clear. Now where did it come from and what was the context it was formed under or basically, why do you believe this to be true, getting to the root of it? Because usually a lot of these beliefs are not a logical conclusion that we've come after assessing the data and thinking about things thoroughly, we just usually had a certain emotional reaction at a certain point and we formed these beliefs because of them.

00:17:07:16 - 00:17:34:06
Itamar Marani
So we ask What situation? Cause you think this way, or When did you learn this? Or who did you learn this from? So I learned this in fifth grade. I learned this in my first business ever because I had a really an understanding partner and a very negative business partnership. Who did you learn this from? Whatever it may be.

00:17:34:09 - 00:17:35:18
Itamar Marani
Sorry. Go ahead.

00:17:35:18 - 00:17:47:00
Alexander De Fina
Do you find that your students have a hard time identifying where that's come from, what the genesis of that of that business?

00:17:47:11 - 00:18:07:21
Itamar Marani
Yeah. First off, it's interesting. The I wouldn't call them my students are people I enjoy helping, but usually not. It's surprising how clear it is for most people. I have this thing that, okay, this is when you ask them these three questions. What situation? Cause you think like this? When did you learn this or who did you learn this from?

00:18:07:21 - 00:18:16:16
Itamar Marani
What example did you see to tell you that this is how the world works? Usually something pops to mind. From your experience, was it a bit more challenging to come up with it?

00:18:17:00 - 00:18:42:17
Alexander De Fina
You know, But, you know, I'm obviously I can only understand it from my own experience. Okay. So did they seem surprised because I had a I had a stack of sort of brain explosion sort of moments. Okay. So they can see the correlation or the causation of causation of the belief like where it came from and the belief.

00:18:42:17 - 00:18:56:02
Alexander De Fina
But they they're also surprised when they when it's brought into conscious awareness. Yeah. So I was like sitting in the subconscious as these like two conjoined parts, but then it's brought to the awareness. It's like, Oh, that's the thing. And that's where it came from.

00:18:56:19 - 00:19:01:21
Itamar Marani
Yeah. Usually they're often just taking it back with absurdity.

00:19:01:21 - 00:19:02:05
Alexander De Fina
Yeah.

00:19:02:17 - 00:19:26:18
Itamar Marani
They're like, This is ridiculous. Why have I as an adult letting this thing that I have one experience when I was 11 affected so much or in my first business when I was 22. It's still a fact. I that's ridiculous. I never recognize it. That's how I think because of that one thing. Now that's 90% of the time, like that's what we said about all of a sudden you can see the monster and because you see it, it doesn't look scary anymore.

00:19:27:08 - 00:19:41:05
Itamar Marani
Like just that is more than half the battle. Usually doing that is causes a lot of these limitations. Let's call them the fault because you recognize they're false. You're like, Oh, get this. I'm not going to like believing this. This is nonsense. And it's almost laughable at times for some guys.

00:19:41:18 - 00:19:42:01
Alexander De Fina
Sure.

00:19:42:18 - 00:19:59:04
Itamar Marani
Now, for some people, they're like, you know what, this I recognize that. But I still have a hard time letting go. And I feel like, okay, I recognize where that come from, where that came from. But just because I recognize that's where it came from doesn't mean that it's not true. That's how they try to kind of like fight that resistance.

00:20:00:20 - 00:20:26:03
Itamar Marani
So what we ask and after that is what is actually true now in today's world around this subject and something we still have a hard time with that and say, okay, so what's your brand for who you are today? I recognize that you felt that when you were 22, if you took action, X would have outcome Y. But what's relevant for who you are today?

00:20:26:09 - 00:20:52:02
Itamar Marani
What if somebody like you today, you with your skills, your experience, your current abilities, and so on and so on. If you did X today with that still result in Y, that usually causes some people that would be like, No, that's not relevant actually anymore. I recognize that I need to rethink about how I view the world because my interactions, the me of today, the way they interact with the world, is very different than the me of ten years ago.

00:20:53:16 - 00:21:21:11
Itamar Marani
That's for most people, that breaks it, so to speak. Okay, then there are some people that are very stubborn that don't want to let go of this because they have a fear that if I let go of this, then I have to change something and I'm still getting something out of holding on to this belief. Whether that's a sense of sense of certainty, a sense of security or something that is an excuse of why I don't have to really go for something and sorry, go ahead.

00:21:21:11 - 00:21:22:12
Itamar Marani
If you want to jump in on that.

00:21:22:22 - 00:21:47:15
Alexander De Fina
Yeah, I was able to understand what you think is the common trend in the inability to move past that false belief. You know, do you think that people even need to become aware that it might be false, that they metaphorically feel like they're looking into the vacuum of belief? And it's like, well, it's kind of like the person that stays in the relationship because they don't want to be single.

00:21:48:19 - 00:21:51:15
Alexander De Fina
And it's like, Well, I'll let go of this. No, no, nothing.

00:21:51:20 - 00:22:17:13
Itamar Marani
And I think about it differently. It's not necessarily a vacuum. It just the general desire to feel safe. So the reason a lot of people stay in terrible relationships, it's kind of like they feel safer with the devil they know, sort of see that I feel safe on a instinctual level because I have companionship someone else around me than I do in the unknown in the wild when I'm alone.

00:22:17:13 - 00:22:34:03
Itamar Marani
And it's the same thing here. It's like sometimes we feel like this old belief somehow we're safe because we're staying in our own little cocoon. I got to go where you got to remember about the program. The whole point of it is to help people really go to the next level and excel. So, so aggressive push. They're pushing themselves now.

00:22:34:03 - 00:22:52:16
Itamar Marani
These are people that always naturally push themselves. And sometimes for some people, the pace of it is pretty intense and they still feel a bit safe. You know, I like this belief. I recognize the ones that I go of it. I'm going to have to change certain things because I can't bullshit myself. I'm not willing to bullshit myself.

00:22:53:14 - 00:23:20:07
Itamar Marani
And I recognize that, that and not consciously, but subconsciously I recognize that. So I try to hold back from in a certain way because that's a new thing and that's what happens. A lot of the guys are gone without any ill intent whatsoever. They're awesome guys, awesome humans, awesome entrepreneurs, but it just there's something inside of them that lower level of them, so to speak, that gets some benefit from holding on to this belief, that feeling of security or safety or whatever it may be.

00:23:20:14 - 00:23:22:06
Itamar Marani
And that's the part that's fighting against them.

00:23:23:10 - 00:23:47:03
Alexander De Fina
Do you think that's their is that their identity? You know, if someone has built their identity around a belief which is possibly false, that brings up much larger questions of what will if I let go of this belief, even though it's false, you know, who am I? What's my purpose? And that's a more challenging proposition than simply letting go of the false belief.

00:23:47:19 - 00:24:08:18
Itamar Marani
Yeah. And I think even to a lesser extent than the whole. Who am I? What is my purpose is like, how do I, how do I act on a day to day basis? One of the guys in your cohort, he had mentioned by name, but he had a lot of stress and part of him didn't want to let go of the fact that he doesn't have to like stressed out about life all the time, whether he's in a much better place.

00:24:09:20 - 00:24:25:16
Itamar Marani
Yeah, I think a big part of it wasn't that he was afraid of, okay, what's my purpose in life is just like, what am I going to do with myself? This is what got me here. Being constantly paranoid, I think everything's going to fall apart is what got me here. And I'm terrified. Like, if I let go that then what I do with myself, I don't know what to do yet.

00:24:26:06 - 00:24:40:08
Itamar Marani
It's like perhaps it is that vacuum that you spoke of. Like I don't know how to act like a mid-level mid seven figure. CEO Yeah, I don't know what to do. There. And that unknown is scary. Doesn't feel safe. It doesn't feel familiar.

00:24:40:08 - 00:24:41:05
Alexander De Fina
It makes a lot of sense.

00:24:43:12 - 00:25:06:13
Itamar Marani
And for those kind of people, what I found is the last question that they really can't the can't resist and fight against is that okay, forget about yourself, forget about you of today versus you of ten years ago and what's true for them. What would be true for someone else in this position? Is this an absolute truth in the world that you should not jump from a building?

00:25:06:13 - 00:25:23:22
Itamar Marani
That's true for everybody If you want to live, you should not do that. But all of a sudden when they externalize, they're like, I can't I can't deny the truth that this is just a false belief that I hold. It's not actually a universal truth. It's not science.

00:25:23:22 - 00:25:34:00
Alexander De Fina
So it's like that adage that we're great at giving life advice to people around us, solving other people's problems when it comes to us, that sort of bias. And yeah, interesting. Yeah.

00:25:34:14 - 00:25:50:17
Itamar Marani
And it's like it's, it's sometimes beyond the bias. It's just a recognition that if I give myself that advice, I know I should be giving someone else what crap, I should do something about it. And that's going to be challenging for me personally. It's either it's just the right thing to do, but it is going to come with my personal challenges.

00:25:50:19 - 00:26:09:05
Itamar Marani
That's why it's hard and without recognizing it, we put it through a certain filter before we even give ourselves that advice, because we recognize we try to avoid certain things that are difficult for us emotionally, technically, whatever it may be, and I find that's usually the missing piece that if you can tell someone, okay, well, we'll reach over someone else in this position that I can't deny.

00:26:10:08 - 00:26:29:19
Itamar Marani
And then it's a bit challenging. So you guys are taking this big kind of like how like inhale and exhale because now they're going, okay, Like, I just had a pretty aggressive intervention of how I view the world. And I recognize now that something needs to change because again, for people that actually want to believe that, like want to follow the truth, that I want to live in a fairytale way.

00:26:30:07 - 00:26:47:11
Itamar Marani
Did I recognize now that this is not true? Forget about the fact that it's limiting me, that it's negative, that it's not positive, whatever it may be, it's just not true, and that I'm not willing to go with that. That's what I found. The big separator.

00:26:49:04 - 00:27:19:22
Alexander De Fina
I've definitely noticed that since doing the arena, the false beliefs which I identified through during the program, have been something which I can feel that is like almost like a low gravity, like trying to pull my mindset back towards and even though if I verbalize them, they sound comical. Your point before absolutely lands it. It sounds comical repeating them.

00:27:19:22 - 00:27:39:11
Alexander De Fina
I know how false they are, but whether it's just, you know, time in the trenches, you you've thought that way for so long that a new way of thinking is obviously something which has to be, I guess, fortified. Yeah.

00:27:39:11 - 00:27:58:21
Itamar Marani
Yeah. And I think it's first off, I agree with you. Yes. I think it just you have certain pattern, certain habits. It's called mental habits. It's the same thing. It's like but like you said, the power there is that you recognize like actually this is a wrong have. It's a habit that doesn't serve me. And B, is just it's not it's not relevant.

00:27:59:01 - 00:28:28:04
Itamar Marani
There's no reason to be doing this. It's all based on a mirage. And that's the big thing to recognize. This is all based on something. It's not true. Someone recognize that, lets go of us. And also what you think is really what I think. You you didn't say but you kind of were in your was in your words is that that's also the key component is to not hope and pray that okay this is go 100% away and I'll be in this magical land of bliss where nothing holds me back and my mindset is so amazing.

00:28:28:04 - 00:28:51:04
Itamar Marani
I'm so confident, everything's positive and amazing, and now I can take action. But it's just getting people to the point where they can take action and they have that position of power where they can choose to say, You know what? I know this is what my mind is used to doing. This feels kind of familiar and safe in some old, familiar way, but it's not true.

00:28:52:15 - 00:29:08:07
Itamar Marani
And I recognize that because it's not true. It is actually doesn't have as big of a hold on me, so it's a bit more challenging, but I'm actually going to go with what actually is what I should be doing, how I should be act, the actions that I do need to take that will serve. Once you get yourself to that position of power, I think that's the ultimate thing.

00:29:08:07 - 00:29:20:18
Itamar Marani
It's not about waiting for it to feel 100% comfortable and percent confident all the time. That's why I see people get stuck in these loops and you see people try to end the stick, figure this stuff out, figure this stuff out, and they're saying, You know what? I figured it out. It's not true. I know it is true.

00:29:20:22 - 00:29:26:17
Itamar Marani
It's still going to be a challenge. I accept the challenge. I'm an adult. I don't have to wait for ideal conditions only. Let's go.

00:29:28:04 - 00:29:51:00
Alexander De Fina
That's interesting. Actually, I can see how it can become intoxicating to sort of move past a false belief and sort of go into this kind of never, never land of replace and then want to stay there because it it may be. Is that coming from a place of avoiding pain that it will if I establish a new belief and then I find out that's false.

00:29:51:00 - 00:29:56:03
Alexander De Fina
You know, I want to go through this again. So it's easy to just going to stay in this sort of twilight.

00:29:58:00 - 00:30:19:18
Itamar Marani
So this actually the next podcast we're going to do, I'm going to dive into that, but it's to kind of give a teaser. It's basically the difference is that you can hope for things for ideal conditions only and what excited people get caught in that kind of spin cycle and why it actually doesn't serve them to try to make those ideal conditions and how it holds people back.

00:30:20:06 - 00:30:21:08
Itamar Marani
So we'll get that into the next spot.

00:30:21:18 - 00:30:22:16
Alexander De Fina
I think that for this one.

00:30:23:07 - 00:30:33:02
Itamar Marani
Yeah, what I want to kind of recap this show and tell me if it all makes sense. So for love, you know what I love to hear from your perspective. What do you think the main points are here? What are your main takeaways?

00:30:33:12 - 00:30:56:00
Alexander De Fina
My main takeaways. I am a big fan of the language and replacing limiting with false. That to me seems more absolute. It seems more real because limiting to me seems like a spectrum. It's kind of like how limiting marginally limiting, extremely limiting. And I can see how people will say, well, okay, it's limiting, but it's not causing huge errors in my life.

00:30:56:00 - 00:30:57:23
Alexander De Fina
Well, if it's false, it shouldn't exist.

00:30:59:09 - 00:31:00:10
Itamar Marani
Very well said. Yeah.

00:31:00:19 - 00:31:29:11
Alexander De Fina
So, you know, if I was deciding to disguise Blue well I can I can use different I believe it's blue based on my understanding of colors. If I ask you what color do you think it is most of the time, blue. I can get multiple points of evidence to support that belief. And if I had a limiting belief, you know, I can see how it's harder to, you know, search for those close multiple, multiple points.

00:31:29:11 - 00:32:00:22
Alexander De Fina
I like that people have words. Just one big takeaway. My next big takeaway was avoiding or your analogy of thought being like like sort of ski ski tracks in the snow. I've long held onto that similar sort of sort of idea. It makes a lot of sense to me as an abstract. So if I'm going if I have a false belief and my ski tracks choppy, it's difficult.

00:32:00:22 - 00:32:24:19
Alexander De Fina
And there's like a lot of force being applied and not really moving anywhere. And then I realize that this is a false belief and I'm taken out of that and into some new tracks and things are going great. There could be an event, a circumstance, an external force, which then triggers me to go back to the way I used to think the belief I formerly had.

00:32:24:19 - 00:32:59:14
Alexander De Fina
I'm back in the shitty ski tracks. Metaphorically. Yeah. And I could see how that could become defeating to people. And so I understand, you know, I don't know whether you necessarily meant it this way, but one of my takeaways was like, I just recognize that thought it was, Oh, okay, I'm back in that loop or that back in that way that I used to think and it's been great not thinking that way, but I just argue with a business partner or this financial situation just kind of like triggered me and I'm sit back and it's like, but I have to recognize that there's a false belief and now just kind of helicoptered myself back to

00:32:59:23 - 00:33:09:03
Alexander De Fina
know the belief which is serving me rather to kind of rather than sort of staying there and sort of focusing on the fact that you're back in the same shitty belief system that used to be. Yeah.

00:33:09:21 - 00:33:28:04
Itamar Marani
Yeah, exactly. And to to expand a little bit. I think that's what separates being an adult from a child that I know what I should do. I know what's not serving me, even though it's more tempting just to be in that place that's not serving me because it's familiar with those ski grooves that are just lumpy but familiar.

00:33:28:04 - 00:33:31:15
Itamar Marani
Let me go to the better up, the new up. I recognize this is actually the truth.

00:33:34:13 - 00:33:35:05
Alexander De Fina
Makes a lot of sense.

00:33:36:01 - 00:33:37:05
Itamar Marani
And those are two main course.

00:33:38:05 - 00:34:17:16
Alexander De Fina
To my take was the questions. But go for you. Is there a a trend that you've observed in people that seems to be like the one thing which avoids them from moving past that false belief? So they've identified as a false belief. It's not true, but they seem unwilling or incapable of moving past it. Is there like a common trend that you feel that applies to most people most of the time?

00:34:17:16 - 00:34:21:13
Itamar Marani
Yes. So again, it's that desire for safety in somewhere.

00:34:22:09 - 00:34:22:17
Alexander De Fina
Got it.

00:34:23:02 - 00:34:45:19
Itamar Marani
So the the question that I ask people on this that gets people almost angry at me because it pokes really hard, what are you getting out of holding on to this? And when they're asked that, first off, it feels very judgy because like I'm saying, like you're holding on to something bullshit. What are you getting out of it?

00:34:46:09 - 00:35:02:19
Itamar Marani
But it comes from a place with care and asking Jelinek, What are you getting out of holding onto this? And again, I'm not asking that as a rhetorical question. I'm not asking, What are you getting out of this? And like, after all the you know what? Maybe I am getting a sense of security, a sense of like, well, this is just how it is, so I can keep doing my thing.

00:35:03:21 - 00:35:24:00
Itamar Marani
I don't have to change. I don't have to learn a new skill set. I don't have to evolve. I don't have to let go of perhaps some anger or resentment that I hope, whatever it may be. Mm hmm. I think that's the biggest trend that people it feels, again, like things that are familiar feel safe even if they're not helpful.

00:35:24:09 - 00:35:44:13
Itamar Marani
And like you said about the relationships, even if they're extremely toxic, it's why people stay in horrible relationships, because it's the devil they know. Yeah. And they're usually getting something out of it. Like in that relationship, they're getting a sense of safety in some weird and unhealthy way because that's familiar. And there was one other person in the world, so to speak.

00:35:44:13 - 00:36:07:11
Alexander De Fina
Yeah, I see that a lot in, in the fitness world because, you know, losing losing body fat or building muscle isn't terribly complicated. Right. You know, do the fittest things and eat a certain way and things will usually work out just fine. But there's there's so much gravity towards the person who's waking up and having ham and cheese costs for breakfast and eating, eating terribly and not working out.

00:36:07:17 - 00:36:29:09
Alexander De Fina
They know from an activity point of view, it's not serving them. They know from a nutritional point of view they're doing the wrong things. Yet it seems that their identity is so wrapped up in being that person that even though they know that their behaviors are not serving them, there's a disconnect between their beliefs and their behaviors. That's been really interesting.

00:36:30:00 - 00:36:36:09
Itamar Marani
So as you said, they know from a technical perspective that it's not the right thing. And what else you said, one of the thing.

00:36:38:00 - 00:36:51:00
Alexander De Fina
That their behaviors contradict so that they know that, hey, I should be you know, I eat this way. I know I should be eating this way. Yeah, I'm not active and I know I should be active. And that's but then the but is well, you know, the fitness industry kind of exists.

00:36:51:10 - 00:37:11:21
Itamar Marani
Yeah. Yeah. Right And I think that big but is like but emotionally I know I'll get something if I do the wrong thing and that's where this all is like they don't let go of this belief because emotionally I still get a certain hit that I want if I don't let go. That sense of comfort, does that answer that question?

00:37:11:21 - 00:37:57:15
Alexander De Fina
It does a lot of follow up to that question. Go for it. Question 2.1 would be have you observed people becoming I mean, I guess religion would be the extreme example of becoming tribal around beliefs, but that is a sort of a law of attraction between people who have a certain false belief. And even though the individual within that group might identify this is a false belief, that's that's also limiting because their environment is surrounded by other people who share that false belief that it adds an extra layer of of sort of obstacle for them to move forward and to stay.

00:37:58:16 - 00:38:22:14
Itamar Marani
And yeah, I'll say something here that just so here's a deal a lot of time that stuff that people enable each other to be victims and I don't mean that in a harsh way. I mean that in a compassionate way. And it's why sometimes changing your environment and changing the people you're around is the easiest way to change your belief structures, because the reality is victimhood isn't.

00:38:22:14 - 00:38:51:23
Itamar Marani
This all or nothing thing like it's on a spectrum we can all exhibit at times. I exhibited at times as well, when I'm extremely tired, when things are going crazy, I'm like, Why can't just this is be easier. I also have that thought in my head. Everybody does. And when you're around people that are also saying, Oh, this is just heart, oh, this is just this, oh, it's easier for them or whatever me to have these negative talk, it's naturally easier to gravitate towards that and we will justify, Oh, you're doing an okay, this is fine.

00:38:52:13 - 00:39:11:20
Itamar Marani
You don't really need to improve. I think that's the biggest thing, like a negative environment. Everybody thinks the same false beliefs and they're like, okay, we can just accept that we don't have to actually change about it. Like you said, changing these false beliefs, it's not an easy thing. It doesn't come natural. You have to put yourself in that position of power, go through this process and do something about it.

00:39:11:21 - 00:39:26:02
Itamar Marani
Like if you have even more resistance because your environment is filled with people that are basically don't want to do anything about it, and then they're not going to try to enable you to not do anything. You're going to try to encourage you to not do anything about it, because if you do something about it that's going to put something in their face, this can change you.

00:39:26:02 - 00:39:31:02
Itamar Marani
They're not doing anything about it. The life is just harder than it needs to be.

00:39:31:02 - 00:39:31:09
Alexander De Fina
Mm.

00:39:36:02 - 00:40:03:04
Alexander De Fina
Good question. Go for it. If a false belief is, I'll just pick a sensational example. Flat Earth. I believe the earth is flat, but I don't know whether that would be limiting unless the person literally doesn't do certain activities or something because you are just flat. But do you feel like it would be harder to challenge that false belief?

00:40:04:03 - 00:40:18:06
Alexander De Fina
Because maybe it's not the right question? Because I've heard people talk about Flat Earth. It seems to be a sort of word salad of different conspiracy theories and sort of like really far out the abstracts and just kind of put together in terms of essentially the government's lying.

00:40:18:18 - 00:40:37:19
Itamar Marani
I'll be honest. Like, I don't know. And I'm honestly like not interested in like those kind of things. I've never actually dealt with people who think that way because again, this whole the whole process that I've tried to develop is how do I help rational, pragmatic individuals level up? And the flat earthers usually are the most rational, pragmatic individuals.

00:40:38:06 - 00:40:40:07
Itamar Marani
So I've never actually looked into the truth.

00:40:40:07 - 00:40:59:08
Alexander De Fina
Of course, Of course, the reason why I bring up that one is a sensational example is I think anyone with a bit of common sense would argue the alternative. Yeah, I wonder why those people who believe that to be true, you know, potentially they're are challenging themselves with the right question.

00:40:59:16 - 00:41:07:01
Itamar Marani
They get certainties. I think again, everybody get something out of it. Even just the fact that they feel contrarian, they get something out of it.

00:41:07:12 - 00:41:07:22
Alexander De Fina
Yeah, that's.

00:41:08:03 - 00:41:18:22
Itamar Marani
That sense of I'm smarter than people. Like, I'm not one of the sheeple, whatever it may be. It's like people get something out of these beliefs. And I think that's where that question is. What are you getting from holding onto this? It's such a poky one.

00:41:19:12 - 00:41:39:05
Alexander De Fina
Yes. Yeah, that that's why I brought that example, because I was wondering if you ask people what you know, what do you get from this book? What do you get out of this belief? Maybe it is sort of contrarian, you know? Yeah, I know better. I've got the inside information. So really the question is it really about identity and sort of why do I need to to feel that way?

00:41:39:05 - 00:41:40:23
Alexander De Fina
Not necessarily what shape is this?

00:41:41:11 - 00:42:01:22
Itamar Marani
Yeah. So it's interesting. I want to wrap it up a bit. So here's what I do, guys. First off, kind of Robin, top to bottom. Stop trying to think about what am I my limiting beliefs? By doing so, you deny yourself the opportunity to discover the actual blind spots that can really get you hurt. That's the main thing, is like imagine like you're on a football field.

00:42:02:11 - 00:42:17:01
Itamar Marani
If you know a hit is coming, you can brace for it. If you're completely unaware, it's going to knock you off. So instead of just asking myself, what am my beliefs, you got to figure out what are the all the beliefs that I hold here, and then what are the ones that are holding me back? A step one.

00:42:17:13 - 00:42:35:04
Itamar Marani
And the way to do that is by first going about this in a very systematic fashion to figure out what I want to get out of life or what do you want to get out of business? What are the actions that somebody who would want this need to take? And then what are my beliefs around this? From there you can figure out, okay, you know what?

00:42:35:04 - 00:43:03:05
Itamar Marani
I think these beliefs here, these three ones, they're the a20 what would hold somebody back from taking these actions now that are recognizing these are the main factors that are the constraints. Let's falsify them. Let's first ask where did I learn these to be true, whose example that I see, what situation or what interaction in life did they take a lesson from that I have a certain emotional reaction that taught me that this is how I should think.

00:43:04:08 - 00:43:24:15
Itamar Marani
Or when did this happen in my life? When did I start believing this? Usually that I had an epiphany. I was like, wow, that's wow, wow. That's where I believe that. That's irrelevant. That's not true at all. That was just because of that one instance. Now that still doesn't chip away at it. You still hold onto which again, is not a judgment thing, just natural, because we have that lower part of ourselves.

00:43:25:06 - 00:43:44:06
Itamar Marani
And you can ask, okay, what's actually true for me today, who I am today? Because yes, I can recognize that. Itamar, for ten years ago, maybe that was true for him. You know, maybe the beginning of the business. It was true that Itamar had to do everything and everything all the time and not delegate, because he was the only one.

00:43:44:06 - 00:44:00:09
Itamar Marani
But that's not relevant for who Itamar is today. That's the first thing, is it's still relevant for who I am today with my skill sets, my current abilities, where I am in life, and so on and so on. If that still doesn't change, then I can ask myself, okay, what would be true for somebody else in this exact situation?

00:44:02:05 - 00:44:20:18
Itamar Marani
And that usually really forces us to look at reality. Okay, you know what? This is not a truth. This is not science. This is not gravity. This is not a fact. This is just a belief that I have. And it sounds like it's a false belief. It's not a truth. So therefore, I need to let go. And if I still find resistance that I go of it, I can ask myself that.

00:44:21:12 - 00:44:38:18
Itamar Marani
A challenging question that maybe I'm fortunate enough to have an intervention with truth. What am I getting from holding onto this? And the moment I can pinpoint that is the moment I can say, you know what I get? That's what I'm going to have to give up or to get where I want to go. And that's why I get to have that position of power, like you said.

00:44:39:10 - 00:44:59:20
Itamar Marani
And I'm going to make the right choice, do the mature thing and I can start winning. So the question I want to leave you guys with today is where in your life do you feel stuck? Because you've been looking to turn a limiting belief perhaps into a more positive one? If you're doing that, perhaps you're going about this the wrong way.

00:45:00:21 - 00:45:20:14
Itamar Marani
Now, if you have clarity on what you want and how to do it but can't take action, there's probably some mental blindspots. So that's the first thing you should address. If I know what to do and how to do it. But I'm not doing it. First, I'll try to flush out your mental blindspots, just figuring those things out and again turn them from a blind spot into an Achilles heel could solve all your problems.

00:45:21:10 - 00:45:43:02
Itamar Marani
And for that we also have the micro course on the website. We'll link it in the show notes below. But it's exactly about that how to uncover all your mental blindspots so you can win. Now, if you find yourself, you're not even sure where to look. Then you first get clarity on what you want to accomplish and what are the specific actions that somebody who wants to accomplish that would need to take and then figure out, okay, what are my beliefs around this?

00:45:43:02 - 00:46:00:05
Itamar Marani
Not positive, negative, limiting, but just what are my beliefs? And from there the process will be itself. So I hope this was helpful for you guys. Alex, thank you again for joining us. And again, guys, we do have this micro course, of course, on the website, we're going to link it down here as well. The exact way to uncover all your blind spots, it's completely free for now.

00:46:00:13 - 00:46:04:22
Itamar Marani
So please go ahead and check it out. So from that, we'll see you in the next episode. Thank you so much for listening.