How to Stop Drinking and Step Into A Stronger Identity w/ James Swanwick | Elite Performance Podcast #70

00:00:00:11 - 00:00:08:05
Itamar Marani
It's poisonous to say, you are just an addict and you can't do this. You have to keep yourself small in some way and keep yourself very humble and recognize you are an addict.

00:00:08:07 - 00:00:16:23
James Swanwick
I get frustrated when people are walking around mistakenly saying I'm an alcoholic and believing it. You're not an alcoholic. You just someone who temporarily drinks too much right now.

00:00:17:01 - 00:00:23:16
Itamar Marani
James is an entrepreneur, journalist, and coach who has helped thousands of high achievers break free from alcohol and unlock their full potential.

00:00:23:20 - 00:00:35:03
James Swanwick
We don't actually use phraseology like sober sobriety recovery. Powell was clean. No, we don't use any of that stuff because it keeps us small. It keeps us stuck in that labeling system.

00:00:35:06 - 00:00:39:07
Itamar Marani
What are your quick networking tips for people who saying like, I don't know how to network without alcohol?

00:00:39:11 - 00:00:51:19
James Swanwick
Walk into any events and beforehand. Just say to yourself... w
Willpower and white knuckling it to quit drinking alcohol. I call B.S. on that.

00:00:51:21 - 00:01:00:06
Itamar Marani
James, why do some very successful people who have managed to overcome a variety of other kinds of challenges in life struggle to give up alcohol?

00:01:00:08 - 00:01:31:06
James Swanwick
There's a lot of cultural conditioning going on. So when we're little boys and girls, the adults in our life were drinking in front of us and they said to us, Oh, no, no, little James, you can't drink. You can only drink when you're older. And in that moment, the idea that drinking is a rite of passage, that drinking is something that we get to do when we're older is implanted in our mind, and then later on, that shows up through smiling assassins and the smiling assassins as a waiter or a waitress, smiling as they offer you a drink, or it's your friends or your family saying, How can I get you a drink?

00:01:31:06 - 00:01:57:03
James Swanwick
Would you like a beer? Would you like a wine? And everyone's smiling as they are offering or consuming this attractively packaged poison. And so that cultural conditioning is very real, and it shows up with folks being apprehensive about the idea of actually stopping because they have this unconscious fear that they'll be ostracized from the group, that they're going against the norm.

00:01:57:05 - 00:02:27:08
James Swanwick
And and also a big fear of folks is who will I be if I'm a non drinker? What will my identity be? Will I be dull? Will I be boring? Will I be a completely different person? And even though you might be a completely better person, the fact that you'll be a completely different person is such a big overwhelming concept that the easier option in the moment is just to keep on drinking and experience the consequences of that.

00:02:27:10 - 00:02:43:19
Itamar Marani
That's why. Interesting. It's not where I was expecting you to go at all, which is so what you're saying basically is that one of the perhaps the biggest fears is the lack of who will I be without this? If there's a void all of a sudden, what will fill that void, so to speak?

00:02:43:21 - 00:03:21:20
James Swanwick
Yes. And there's a mistaken belief that not drinking equals pain and deprivation and a boring life and being dull and being considered a dull person. Or. Whereas I submit the opposite is true. When you choose to be alcohol free, you're actually more fun, more engaging, more energetic, more fun to be around. Life is just so much sweeter and the drinking causes us pain and negative consequences, even if we're convincing ourselves that our drinking isn't that bad.

00:03:21:22 - 00:03:45:20
James Swanwick
Now, to be clear, you don't have to be an alcoholic in order for consistent drinking over many months, years and decades to negatively affect your life. I usually call it death by a thousand cuts. It's like you drink a couple of drinks a night most nights of the week, and you do that for many years and decades, and all of a sudden you find yourself carrying £30 extra weights.

00:03:45:20 - 00:04:15:22
James Swanwick
You're tired, irritable, you're not sleeping great. You've got marital strain. You're not as present with your kids. They're the consequences. But the fear of stopping really is embedded in what society will think of me. And also who will I be without this thing? Who am I? What will my identity be? Because I've been in this identity my entire adult life, and now I'm contemplating a complete shift in identity.

00:04:16:00 - 00:04:19:05
James Swanwick
Wow. That's too scary. Let me just keep drinking.

00:04:19:06 - 00:04:29:10
Itamar Marani
So how do you help people overcome that? Because I can see that it's such a giant thing letting go of that identity. So destabilizing.

00:04:29:12 - 00:04:52:21
James Swanwick
I help high achievers to stop drinking alcohol, and the stop drinking part is helping folks understand that they are a better leader, a better husband, a better father. They experience life as sweeter when they are consistently alcohol free. They get to be the most engaging when they're alcohol free.

00:04:53:02 - 00:05:12:02
Itamar Marani
Yeah. So can I reflect back to what you're saying? This is from my perspective, is like the mindset. It's really interesting. So you're not just taking away an identity of I don't drink anymore and then it leaves a void. But immediately you're saying we're going to replace that with I am alcohol free and there's all these positive things about this new identity that you're going to adopt.

00:05:12:04 - 00:05:27:18
Itamar Marani
And that's what gets them excited about that. It's not that I'm just leaving this and then there's a void, and that void feels scary, but there's a sense of certainty of I'm going to leave this and immediately step into this new identity of being someone who is alcohol free, can really enjoy life and is in hangover performance better and so on.

00:05:27:20 - 00:05:30:03
Itamar Marani
Is that kind of accurate?

00:05:30:05 - 00:05:57:15
James Swanwick
Yes, that's exactly what it is. And here's why I feel that most traditional modalities to help people stop drinking are ineffective long term because those modalities, which include AA, rehab, willpower, white knuckling it, 30 day challenges like dry, January, sober October, it's all steeped in deprivation. It's all steeped in, oh, I can't drink, I need to stop. I've got to quit.

00:05:57:17 - 00:06:37:02
James Swanwick
I'm going to lament. The past are really messed up. I've just got three days left to go, this 30 day challenge, and then I can break free and drink again. And so we're stuck in this identity and this belief that not drinking is pain and deprivation. But when we choose an identity of I get to be alcohol free, I get to sleep well and choose to be a professional sleeper, and I get to have conscious communication with my wife and do therapy and couples counseling, and I get to be more present with my children and I get to make a big strategic choice in my business and fire that person and hire that person and

00:06:37:02 - 00:06:48:09
James Swanwick
pivot. And then it's easy. It's easy. It's not hard. We just think it's hard because cultural conditioning is how to believe this way for decades.

00:06:48:11 - 00:07:05:16
Itamar Marani
I love to jump into the X is actually going to bring that up because I was curious like what I've seen, I've worked with a couple clients that went through an A or AA and what it's actually done is regardless if it's kind of helped them or not curb that addiction, it's made them live a very small life.

00:07:05:21 - 00:07:25:09
Itamar Marani
It's been an interesting thing. It's almost kind of like poison and say you are just an addict and you can't go this. You have to keep yourself small in some way and keep yourself very humble and recognize you are an addict. And it limits their success so much as far as their whole sense of identity. Like if we go back to that is I am just an addict.

00:07:25:11 - 00:07:33:01
Itamar Marani
And if I try to do anything ambitious in life, it might overtake me and I'll sleep back into addiction. I'd love to hear your perspective on that.

00:07:33:03 - 00:07:56:19
James Swanwick
You could probably see my body language. Yeah, I'm I get frustrated when I hear this kind of nonsense because people, I would submit, are walking around mistakenly saying I'm an alcoholic and believing it. I've studied AA for ten years, and most of the studies that have come out about the long term success rate of AA puts it at best 10%.

00:07:56:21 - 00:08:14:13
James Swanwick
I've seen a study that shows it's as low as 7% when you judge success over someone being alcohol free for at least a year now. No question it's helped millions and millions of people. It was created in 1935. It's been around 90 years. So just by virtue of the fact it's been around for nine decades, it's helped millions, without question.

00:08:14:18 - 00:08:40:19
James Swanwick
And if AA works for you, then keep doing it. Who am I to stop you? I'm thrilled that you're alcohol free. If AA is working, keep doing it. But the reality is, is that nine out of ten people who attempt it, it doesn't work for it's ineffective, completely ineffective and useless, I would say, in part because there encouraging you to get up, stand in front of a room and say, my name is James and I'm an alcoholic and you're not an alcoholic.

00:08:40:19 - 00:08:44:09
James Swanwick
You're just someone who temporarily drinks too much right now.

00:08:44:11 - 00:09:04:22
Itamar Marani
So would it be accurate to say that you're saying that AA the feeling people associate with quitting through AA is I am a small person, I am a weak person, I am. This is just who I am, an alcoholic. And you're saying something very practical perspective, like if you give people the sensation of I am a winner, I'm living alcohol free and this is great that I'm getting to overcome this thing.

00:09:04:22 - 00:09:11:05
Itamar Marani
People naturally associate stopping this behavior with actually a positive trajectory in their life.

00:09:11:07 - 00:09:37:23
James Swanwick
Yes. What's that famous phrase? The man who says he can and the man who says he cannot are both right. Yeah. It's like the man who says he is something and a man who says he isn't is both. Right. So it's an identity shift. I would submit. Stop labeling yourself as broken as an alcoholic. Powerless. Is that helping you?

00:09:38:00 - 00:09:59:14
James Swanwick
I don't think it's helping you. It might help you to stop drinking alcohol, but it's not going to help. You have a great life. It might have help. You have a palatable life, a reasonable life, maybe feel like you're existing in the world. But do you want to exist and have a palatable and a good life? Or would you rather have an outstanding life and actually flourish in life?

00:09:59:16 - 00:10:21:09
Itamar Marani
So I hard doing it. If I may, I just I think the interesting point is that I could see people regressing from stopping drinking alcohol if they also associated not drinking alcohol with feeling like I have to constantly say I am small, I am only this. It just feels like an unpleasant existence to be in and they're going to equate that unpleasant existence with the act of not drinking.

00:10:21:11 - 00:10:36:15
Itamar Marani
I think that's a big problem with that's what I was saying with some of these clients. I could tell they were like, I'm tired of feeling like I have to live a small life in order to stay sober, because that's what they associated from those messages that in order for me to stay on point, I have to say I am just just an addict.

00:10:36:17 - 00:10:40:00
Itamar Marani
This is just who I am.

00:10:40:01 - 00:11:07:19
James Swanwick
I call B.S. on that. We don't actually use phraseology like sober sobriety, recovery, powerless, clean. No, we don't use any of that stuff because it keeps us small. It keeps us stuck in that labeling system. And there's that connotation is like I'm sober. Sober to me implies, well, under normal circumstances you would drink, but you can't because I'm in it because you're an addict, because you're an alcoholic.

00:11:07:21 - 00:11:34:09
James Swanwick
We don't use that verbiage. We use we're alcohol free. We're choosing this great lifestyle, choosing great sleep and nutrition and exercise and mobility. And we're going to have a great life. We're going to flourish. And a lot of people, when they go through our process, they actually start tackling their bucket list items. They start having breakthroughs, they start going to the Himalayas and climbing the Himalayas with the sail across the ocean, or they switch careers, or they lose the £20, or they learn an instrument.

00:11:34:09 - 00:11:53:06
James Swanwick
They learn a language. Because what it does is that the clarity from being alcohol free consistently opens up new ways of being, which is what's possible, not what is not possible, which is what I submit. You get over here at those traditional modalities.

00:11:53:08 - 00:12:10:15
Itamar Marani
Is it accurate that what I'm hearing from you is that one of the major tools that you guys use is just changing people's language from a more This is just who I am. This is my these are the definitions of how I operate, what I do to I am always in a position where I can make a choice.

00:12:10:17 - 00:12:25:22
Itamar Marani
I can choose to be alcohol free. I can choose to do this. I can choose to get better sleep, like you said. And do you feel like first I'm seeing from your nodding that that's accurate. So what I'd like to ask is why do you think that causes such a shift in people, that sensation that they have a choice?

00:12:25:22 - 00:12:30:18
Itamar Marani
And it sounds just fighting against these definitions.

00:12:30:20 - 00:13:00:18
James Swanwick
A choice is empowering. It's like people who walk around saying, I just can't find the time. I'm like, find the time you make the time for that which you value. But we walking around saying, I don't have the time, I can't find the time. And what happens? Well, we don't make the time and we never find it. But if we just change it to I make the time for that which I value, isn't it amazing how suddenly you can quote unquote find the time?

00:13:00:20 - 00:13:14:03
James Swanwick
So they seem like semantics. They seem like very minor changes in language, which they are. But the consequences of the change in language can be astronomically profound.

00:13:14:05 - 00:13:42:17
Itamar Marani
First off, I really appreciate you said that. I very much agree. I want to kind of go back a little bit. There is a term to what we value. Now, what I'm curious is that some people that are ready to recognize, okay, this drinking is a real problem for me, but I'm sure, like we've both been in conferences or we see people having just the occasional quote unquote drink and they're not ready to acknowledge to just how much that takes away from their life.

00:13:42:19 - 00:14:03:03
Itamar Marani
So if someone already is a top performer but they drink occasionally because they can feel like they can quote unquote, get away with it, what do you think is the biggest argument to go alcohol free If, again, they're they're telling themselves a story of I can get away with it because it's kind of all right.

00:14:03:05 - 00:14:24:16
James Swanwick
I'd want to know what they what they value in life. And some business owners really value money and business success. In that case, I would do a mathematical equation with them, which I'm happy to walk you through in a second here. Other people value their families if they've got them being present with their kids, being the best role model, other people just want to stop feeling stressed and anxious the whole time.

00:14:24:18 - 00:14:41:03
James Swanwick
I'll feel social anxiety, so let me just break that down into the financial component. Most business owners who join my Project 90 Stop Drinking program. When they come in, I ask them, How effective are you in your business with your drinking habits the way they are? And most of them will say a five or six out of ten.

00:14:41:05 - 00:14:56:23
James Swanwick
And even the folks who say that there are seven or eight out of ten with their drinking, I say, okay, if you were consistently alcohol free, therefore you slept better, had more clarity, focus, energy, you made better strategic choices in your business and you felt like an eight or nine out of ten. Would you make more revenue? And they say yes.

00:14:56:23 - 00:15:19:11
James Swanwick
And I say, How much more revenue would you make? And most of the time they say at least half a million dollars in annual revenue. I go, okay, that's interesting. So let's do the math on that and I'm just going to pull out my my calculator here to do it for you listeners. Let's do $500,000 of lost revenue because you are drinking divided by 365 days of the year.

00:15:19:13 - 00:15:55:00
James Swanwick
Every single day that you choose to drink, you're not generating 1360 $9 in your business, a 1360 $9 drink per day is how much it's costing you by just saying, I just have one drink a night, a big deal. I'm like, okay, so there's the financial impact now, the marital and family impact can be severe. Let's just say it's easier to just have a drink or two at night and not connect with your wife or your husband.

00:15:55:02 - 00:16:15:16
James Swanwick
It's just easier. Let me just go on, pour self a drink or I'll go over here and you know, you know, whatever. It's fine. Well, now you're not as connected in your marriage. And now the drift gets you. Napoleon Hill wrote about that in his book, Outwitting the Devil about the Drift. We tend to drift in life. We let the mediocrity creep in and we stop playing big.

00:16:15:18 - 00:16:38:04
James Swanwick
And we start playing good. A well, good enough, man. When you let good enough creep into your life that will lead to marital strain, plus possibly a divorce. And a divorce becomes very costly. Then, of course, you're not the best role model for your kids because you're not as present with them, because you're tired, because you drank the night before.

00:16:38:06 - 00:16:54:15
James Swanwick
So now you know they might be young children or they could be adult children who just plain don't want to spend time with you because you didn't you weren't present with them when they were kids. And so they don't have that association of like mom and dad are cool. I want to be around them and let me proactively call them and see how they're doing.

00:16:54:17 - 00:17:11:14
James Swanwick
And now you're an adult and you having to constantly call your adult children and maybe you reach them, maybe you don't. So don't convince yourself this one drink a day is not causing any problems. I would submit in most cases it truly is.

00:17:11:16 - 00:17:30:11
Itamar Marani
Jim's question around that. So I first off, I very much agree with everything you're saying. And at the same time, like what about the people that don't have that belief in themselves that they're saying, I don't know if I'm good enough, if I can have a better life, And this is just a way for me to run from my current existence.

00:17:30:13 - 00:17:47:19
Itamar Marani
It's a way for me to hide from that just kind of numbs everything. When someone again, when someone has that belief that, like they're saying, I know I could do better, I know I can earn half a million dollars more. Those people I can see very easily being convinced about not very easily, but being convinced of why they should do that.

00:17:47:21 - 00:18:05:05
Itamar Marani
How do you deal with the people that don't necessarily believe in themselves, that there's a greener pasture if they just stop doing this thing because they can be better? They don't believe inherently that I can be better when people like that use drinking or drugs or whatever. It is kind of as a way to escape that feeling about themselves.

00:18:05:07 - 00:18:08:14
Itamar Marani
What's your approach to that? Can you see that being a lot more challenging?

00:18:08:16 - 00:18:35:01
James Swanwick
I invite people to pray for a worthy opponent because when you have a worthy opponent, then you get to level up and you're called to a higher standard. It's the hero's journey. What I would say to those people is I invite you to embark upon that journey, and I know it's going to be challenging at times, most likely because personal development is and growth in mindset is.

00:18:35:03 - 00:18:52:11
James Swanwick
But if you don't, if you stay in the status quo in one year from now, five years from now, ten years from now, where are you going to be In the same place or worse? And most importantly, it's important to embark on that journey with others, because otherwise, if you're doing it on your own, it can feel very isolating and lonely.

00:18:52:13 - 00:19:16:04
James Swanwick
And so I think part of the reason why we are effective at helping people to first embark upon that journey is that we put together a like minded group of entrepreneurs, executives, attorneys, physicians, investors, realtors, well-educated, articulate people who are successful in almost all areas of their life, except this one thing of alcohol or this second thing of a limiting mindset.

00:19:16:06 - 00:19:49:23
James Swanwick
But when you there's a book called The Power of Habit by Chelsea Do Hagen in that book he wrote Change becomes probable when you put people in a like minded group with a common goal. So that person who doesn't believe in themself or is fearful, I get it. I absolutely get it. But if we can get you into a like minded group of people with the common goal and you can stand on the top of that cliff and seek rocks down below and step off and trust that the safety net will appear, I'm telling you, it's beautiful on the other side and.

00:19:50:01 - 00:20:13:00
Itamar Marani
On that other side. In the book, you mentioned that you're one year mark of not drinking. You went to a bar, you ordered a Budweiser and kind of put it to your lips as a test to see what's going on. And I want to ask you about that. What was going through your head in that moment? Because kind of going back to what we talked about, the whole AA stuff, that's the exact opposite of what they would recommend anyone to do.

00:20:13:02 - 00:20:20:17
Itamar Marani
So I want to ask you, why did you choose to do that? Was it a test to confirm something? What was going on there?

00:20:20:18 - 00:20:42:05
James Swanwick
Well, first, let me just explain why I stopped drinking in the first place, and that will give more context into the year anniversary. And what I did in 2010, I was in Austin, Texas, at that year's South by Southwest festival. I had two Bombay Sapphire gin and tonics from an industry party. On a Friday night, I went back to my hotel about 15 minutes outside of downtown Austin.

00:20:42:05 - 00:21:04:15
James Swanwick
I went to sleep and when I woke up in the morning, I looked in the mirror and I just felt and looked average. Was it rock bottom? Wasn't a DUI, wasn't anything like that. I just average the drift that Napoleon Hill talks about in outwitting the devil had got me. I'd been drinking since I was six years old, so almost 20 years of two three drinks a night, not getting drunk, but just consistent drinking.

00:21:04:17 - 00:21:23:10
James Swanwick
I'd put on 25 £30. I was envious of other people, wasn't sleeping well. I was irritable, stressed. I went next door to an IHOP, which is an international House of Pancakes. It's an American fast food restaurant. And I sat there and it just dawned on me, What am I doing in an IHOP? This really is rock bottom for me.

00:21:23:10 - 00:21:44:10
James Swanwick
Comparative. And I said to myself, James, just stop drinking for 30 days just to, you know, clear up and feel better, see if you can do it. And somehow I did. I did it. I got through the social awkwardness. I did use willpower at the time, which now is completely ineffective. I know, but I somehow was able to use it to get through.

00:21:44:12 - 00:22:05:04
James Swanwick
I got my dream job hosting a television show Sports Center on ESPN, and I credit the clarity and focus and energy that I had to helping me get that job. I attracted a great romantic relationship. My body returned to the way I think nature intended it to be. I looked good naked. Just a warning. You do get better looking when you stop drinking alcohol.

00:22:05:06 - 00:22:20:13
James Swanwick
And I felt good and I just kept going and going and going. And over the course of a year it was like compound interest. I lost more weight, got more energy, slept better, looked better, attracted the higher caliber people into my life, had more success. And I was like, This is pretty good. So then I got to a year anniversary.

00:22:20:13 - 00:22:44:15
James Swanwick
I was back in Austin at the 2011 South by Southwest Festival and I went to the Luster Pearl Bar on Rainy Street in downtown Austin, and I ordered a Budweiser for what was going to be a one year celebratory beer. And as I put the beer to my lips at the very last moment, I put it down and I thought about it and I thought, Wow, in one year I've got my dream job and career.

00:22:44:17 - 00:23:05:18
James Swanwick
I've got the body that nature intended me to have. I have this great romantic relationship. I'm less irritable, less stressed. I enjoy speaking to my parents. Whereas when I was drinking, I was irritated by that and more pleasant to be around a run. A half marathon of raised about $10,000 for a charity, so much more charitable and open life's pretty good.

00:23:05:20 - 00:23:23:20
James Swanwick
Why am I going to compromise that? I'll just keep on going. So I called the bartender over and I gave him the back and I said, Actually, I'm not going to drink it. And I tipped him and I walked out and I haven't so much as picked up an alcoholic drink since. And since then it's just been like compound interest every single year, life gets better.

00:23:23:20 - 00:23:49:04
James Swanwick
I started to businesses asleep company. I now have this organization called Alcohol Free Lifestyle, which helps high achievers to stop drinking alcohol like CEOs, executives, business owners, entrepreneurs. It's had explosive growth. Just written a book called Clear, which is a neuroscience based method for high achievers to finally break free from alcohol without AA, rehab or willpower. I'm really excited by that.

00:23:49:06 - 00:24:03:00
James Swanwick
I've got a great wife, daughter. Life feels good. I'm like, This is damn good. I'm why am I going to go back to drinking attractively packaged poison even if most of society does? So I'm like, this is too good. It's an unfair advantage.

00:24:03:02 - 00:24:21:14
Itamar Marani
Yeah. So I love to wrap up by just a couple quick fire firearm questions because a lot of times people I can do them. What really helps them is having a very clear this is what I can do. An example. So what are your quick networking tips for people who are saying like, I don't know how to network without alcohol?

00:24:21:16 - 00:24:25:18
Itamar Marani
What would be the quick 1 to 2 tips you would give them about that?

00:24:25:19 - 00:24:41:23
James Swanwick
Walk into any events, party, social occasion, networking event and beforehand. Just say to yourself, I'm going to be the most engaged, have the most fun, I'm going to introduce people, I'm going to get to know people, I'm going to ask masterful questions and I'm going to do it all while drinking soda, water, ice and a piece of lawn.

00:24:42:01 - 00:24:56:08
James Swanwick
And I'm going to do it with a big smile on my face. And if anyone asks me why I'm not drinking, I'm going to put a big smile on my face. And I go, Oh, yeah, I've just been alcohol free for a while. I'm actually enjoying it, sleeping better and yeah, feels pretty good. I'm just going to confidently share about it.

00:24:56:10 - 00:25:18:21
James Swanwick
I invite people to step into that identity and it's very easy to step into an identity. In fact, Kobe Bryant, the great basketball player with the Lakers Lakers had a an alter ego called the Black Mamba. And every time he set foot on the court, he embodied this black mamba identity, which is, I'm a killer. I get things done.

00:25:18:21 - 00:25:26:00
James Swanwick
I'm just like top of my game. Beyoncé has an alter ego. I think it's called Lady Marmalade or something like that.

00:25:26:00 - 00:25:27:00
Itamar Marani
Yeah, Fierce.

00:25:27:02 - 00:25:27:16
James Swanwick
Is that what it is?

00:25:27:16 - 00:25:29:11
Itamar Marani
Sasha Fierce. Yes, a fierce.

00:25:29:13 - 00:25:50:17
James Swanwick
Okay. She embodies that when she goes on stage and offstage, you know, she's confident, but she's not as confident as she is as she appears on stage. There's a lot of people who are comedians who go out on stage and have people in hysterics. But offstage, they're introverted, the shy. But when they go on that stage, they embody that persona.

00:25:50:17 - 00:26:08:01
James Swanwick
So I would invite people who feel nervous about it. I get it because you're used to holding this prop of alcohol, but just experiment. Go in there, assume your identity. I'm the most powerful person in this room being alcohol free and I'm going to do it all with a smile on my face and watch how people respond to you.

00:26:08:03 - 00:26:25:08
James Swanwick
So that would be the first tip. The second tip would be walk straight up to the bar and say, How you doing? Can I grab a soda, water, ice and a piece of lime, please? And that's all you're going to say and say it with a smile on your face and keep saying it throughout the night. No, don't even think about ordering a drink.

00:26:25:08 - 00:26:32:03
James Swanwick
Just go in there and go. Only think about what you're going to do. Just give me a soda, water, ice, a piece of lime.

00:26:32:05 - 00:26:44:17
Itamar Marani
So it's interesting, though. It's not about you saying, how can I be myself without the alcohol? You're saying, how can I turn on this very upper version of myself that's actually more engaged, more vibrant, enjoys it more without it?

00:26:44:19 - 00:26:50:23
James Swanwick
Even in the striving to do that, you will now come back into the natural state.

00:26:51:01 - 00:26:55:20
Itamar Marani
How to say no when someone says, Hey, we're all ordering drinks, do you want one as well?

00:26:55:22 - 00:27:03:12
James Swanwick
Oh, I'd love one. Can you grab me a soda, water, ice and a piece of lime, please? I didn't even have to say no. Look at that.

00:27:03:14 - 00:27:11:12
Itamar Marani
And when dating, when someone feels I need that courage shot to approach someone.

00:27:11:14 - 00:27:35:07
James Swanwick
You don't need the courage to approach someone. You just get to approach someone. Also, you don't need alcohol to create romance. I see a lot of men lazily inviting women out for a date for drinks. Hey, you want to meet up for some drinks? Let's go out for dinner and then I'll order some drinks. How about inviting her out for a morning walk instead for a smoothie for a daytime stroll?

00:27:35:12 - 00:28:03:21
James Swanwick
That's what sets you apart from all of the chumps who are saying, Oh, it's made up for drinks. I was single for the first part of my alcohol free life, and I got to tell you, I had more success with women as an alcohol free man than I did with an alcohol fueled man. Women admire you more. Women look at you and go, Wow, finally, a real man who's in control of himself and knows what he wants is confident got the fact that he's not drinking.

00:28:03:23 - 00:28:25:17
James Swanwick
Well, gee, I better step up my game now. The woman's working for you because she feels like she's not worthy because he's a real man. Finally, who's so confident in the fact that he's alcohol free, he doesn't mind if she drinks. It doesn't matter. She goes, Come on, just have one. He's too strong to, like, fall for that.

00:28:25:19 - 00:28:35:22
James Swanwick
He's like, No, I'm good. I'm going to drink this soda water. I'm going to drink this. These alcohol free alternatives and have a great time with you. Now, the woman's like, Wow, a real man.

00:28:36:00 - 00:28:56:10
Itamar Marani
And I want to see that also goes with networking. People respect when you don't go along with the mold, when everyone's drinking and you're like, I don't drink as well. And I notice that at events when all of a sudden everyone's drinking and you're not people like her, that's odd. Why does he feel comfortable? What is it about him that makes him feel comfortable enough in his own skin to not need to drink?

00:28:56:12 - 00:29:03:01
Itamar Marani
There's something that's almost attractive about that, even to other guys who.

00:29:03:03 - 00:29:07:09
James Swanwick
I'm telling you, it's like the new flex.

00:29:07:11 - 00:29:25:10
Itamar Marani
Wheel. So to wrap up, what is the one takeaway you would like for readers to have from this book that you're putting out? What would that be? That one big takeaway that if people just got this, that would make me incredibly happy.

00:29:25:12 - 00:30:04:05
James Swanwick
You don't have to use willpower and white knuckling it to quit drinking alcohol. There is a much simpler neuroscience based way of doing it where you get to choose what your lifestyle is rather than reject what you don't, what your lifestyle to be. So stop trying the traditional ways which you've probably tried. I'll just do moderation. I'll only drink on weekends, I'll only drink on special occasions, or I'll just do dry January, I'll do sober October.

00:30:04:07 - 00:30:29:12
James Swanwick
Reject all of that nonsense because it might work for a little while, but statistically speaking, it's not going to work long term and choose a long term lifestyle. Because make no mistake, this is a style of life and that's what I try to present in the book, which is how to keep choosing this lifestyle. And it's not just great sleep and nutrition and health, it's the people that you surround yourself with it.

00:30:29:18 - 00:30:56:14
James Swanwick
You're a great guy. I've been around, you have hung out with you. You're a like minded person, right? We have deep conversations. I can tell by the by the questions that you've asked me, that you're a deep thinker and I value that. I love that I find interest in that. There are new ways to live your life that don't require going and drinking beer in a bar, watching the NFL playoffs, go watch the NFL playoffs and do it alcohol free.

00:30:56:16 - 00:31:27:12
James Swanwick
So I just invite people to to maybe look at the book as a way of helping them reexamine their relationship with alcohol and increasingly feel confident about choosing an alcohol free lifestyle, not with deprivation, not with pain, but in actual fact, with joy and pleasure and financial success, and saving a marriage or improving a marriage or having children, or being more present with your children, or reversing health challenges and then flourishing in your health.

00:31:27:12 - 00:31:30:02
James Swanwick
That's what I want people to get out of the book.

00:31:30:04 - 00:31:46:20
Itamar Marani
Yeah, and I want to say this. I want to add this. So to all the listeners, I know some guys might not be ready. Say I want to read a book about how to stop alcohol, but the reality is for you, listen from this episode, these are mindset tactics that are just effective. They are applied in this case to alcohol and much more specific.

00:31:46:22 - 00:32:11:03
Itamar Marani
But even if you're not really sure about if alcohol is a thing, I need to stop, you will get a lot of gems that you can apply in various other areas in life through this book, and I think that's why you should read it. Like if it's something that's semi interesting, recognize you're going to get a lot more second order benefits and you think it's not just about drinking alcohol, it's about becoming the kind of person learning certain structure that enable you to do this challenging thing to be accurate.

00:32:11:03 - 00:32:33:05
James Swanwick
James Yes, 100%. Because people ask me, can the same thing work for giving up like porn or marijuana or speed or whatever, same concepts, and it's the same concepts for just improving your life in general. You know how to have a conscious communication with your wife or husband or children. You know how to be open minded to new belief systems.

00:32:33:05 - 00:32:42:07
James Swanwick
Because make no mistake, we're all stuck in belief systems and this is a way of challenging those beliefs and opening yourself up to new possibilities.

00:32:42:09 - 00:32:56:12
Itamar Marani
Yeah, great. So, James, first off, thank you for coming on today. I appreciate it. Can you quickly tell people where to find the book? We'll obviously have all the links below in the show notes so I can tell people where to find the book, how to get hold of it, and how they can get in contact with you.

00:32:56:13 - 00:33:23:23
James Swanwick
Thank you. The book you can find at alcohol free lifestyle dot com slash clear or you can find it anywhere from April 8th onwards where all books are sold online. The book is called Clear A neuroscience based approach to help high achievers finally break free from alcohol without AA, rehab or willpower. If you'd like to learn more about our Project 90 Stop Drinking Process, you can go to Alcohol Free Lifestyle Scheme slash Project 90 the website's alcohol free lifestyle dot com.

00:33:23:23 - 00:33:38:18
James Swanwick
And you can also follow me on Instagram. We've got a few hundred thousand followers there almost where I share a lot of things about how people can have a better relationship with alcohol or quit entirely. And that's just at James Swanwick, which is my name on Instagram magazine.

00:33:38:19 - 00:33:42:18
Itamar Marani
I will have all these links in the show below. Thanks again, James. Appreciate having you.

00:33:42:18 - 00:33:44:03
James Swanwick
Thank you so much. Appreciate you having me.