From Limiting Beliefs to Limitless Success | Elite Performance Podcast #57

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:21:00
Itamar Marani
A prisoner cannot free himself from his own prisoner. Sometimes we create our own internal prisons without knowing it. If the things that were holding you back were 100% not true, the moment you recognize that, you just let them go. But the reality is like you're getting something out of holding on to them. All of the negative things that you do in your life.

00:00:21:02 - 00:00:39:22
Itamar Marani
There is a part of you that is very appreciative of that. It's giving you a sense of security, a sense of safety. It's a really weird concept, but all of a sudden it's kind of this like light that once you see it, it can't be unseen and dissipates. So much of the resistance. We have to like actually letting go of that.

00:00:39:25 - 00:00:58:12
Itamar Marani
So there's an old Talmudic story and so that a rabbi, a very famous one, got sick and another rabbi came to visit him and he asked them, Is your suffering due to you? And other rabbi looked confused and said, I welcome neither the suffering north rewards. So the rabbi said to him, Give me your hand. And he got up.

00:00:58:14 - 00:01:20:05
Itamar Marani
Then a couple of years later, the second rabbi, he fellow and another rabbi came to him and answered. Is your suffering, dear, to you? And he remembered what he said and said, You know what? I welcome neither the suffering nor its rewards. Okay, give me your hand. They got up and he was better. So a lot of ways people asked, why did that Rabbi wait for another one to restore them to health?

00:01:20:06 - 00:01:44:01
Itamar Marani
They already knew the trick, so to speak. And the answer is that a prisoner cannot free himself from his own prison. Now, basically, sometimes we create our own internal prisons without knowing it. And what we're going to talk about today is how you can free yourself from whatever possible mental blocks or emotional blocks are holding you back, whether they be big or small. Sounds good?

00:01:44:03 - 00:01:44:22
Alex De Fina
Let's go for it.

00:01:44:25 - 00:02:05:21
Itamar Marani
Of course, this is going to be a bit of a weird one, whenever I bring this subject up, it messes with people's heads sometimes. They're like, "I don't do that. Nobody does." But we all do. And it's going to be a big part of the book as well. So basically, I put it this way. There's a part of you that whatever you say, this belief or this thought pattern is holding me back.

00:02:05:27 - 00:02:24:09
Itamar Marani
You're getting something out of it. It's giving you a sense of security, a sense of safety, whatever it may be, by you keeping yourself small and whether you want to admit it or not. There's a part of you all of the negative things that you do in your life. There's a part of you that is very appreciative of that.

00:02:24:11 - 00:02:29:06
Itamar Marani
It appeases that part of you. So before we get into it. First off, welcome to the pod, Ben.

00:02:29:07 - 00:02:29:21
Alex De Fina
Thank you very.

00:02:29:21 - 00:02:32:05
Itamar Marani
Much. Any questions ask about this before we get going?

00:02:32:07 - 00:02:33:25
Alex De Fina
I think I'm Kodak number one.

00:02:33:25 - 00:02:36:01
Itamar Marani
So what do you got? Let's start with that.

00:02:36:01 - 00:03:11:20
Alex De Fina
But I'll just. It's just been. It's been, uh, something which I'm working on is trying to get it more accurate understanding of my capabilities rather than defaulting to sort of low level sort of emotional sort of constraints as to, you know, I'm not good enough, you know, I couldn't do that. Um, and trying to dig into where does that come from and is it is it true?

00:03:11:22 - 00:03:13:25
Alex De Fina
Has been a interesting process.

00:03:13:27 - 00:03:30:14
Itamar Marani
Okay. So we're going to go this in a bit of a deeper level today because I think the common approach is like, okay, I have these it's called like a limiting belief, something that doesn't help you or whatever it may be. Okay. Like, where is it coming from? Is it true? Great. That's part one. For some people, that's enough.

00:03:30:17 - 00:03:50:29
Itamar Marani
What's really the mind bender here is that even if it's not true, you're getting something out of this. Like even you're telling yourself, like, I'm not enough. It's giving you something. And that's really what I want to dig into today. And it's a really weird concept, but all of a sudden it's kind of this like light that once you see it, it can't be unseen and dissipates.

00:03:50:29 - 00:04:13:14
Itamar Marani
So much of the resistance. We have to like actually letting go of that or whatever it may be. Because let's put it this way, if, if the things that were holding you back were 100% not true, the moment you recognize that, you just let them go. But the reality is like you're getting something out of holding onto them.

00:04:13:17 - 00:04:35:29
Itamar Marani
Mm hmm. So let me share that kind of a story about a former client. I think this will bring it home. So there was one client, and they had everything in place to make a lot more money. Literally forex the business. Like, literally, they had everything in place. Somebody who was an expert in the field was like, If you just do this, literally, this will solve this one bottleneck and your forex your business like the profits as well, not just the top line.

00:04:36:01 - 00:04:58:19
Itamar Marani
And there was this thing doing it and we broke down what was going on, what was going on. We got to their beliefs and the other's belief that if I make a lot of money, I'm greedy or people won't like me or whatever it may be. And then we figure out, okay, like what's true, Like you said, that actually that's not true, because I recognize that if I make a lot of money, I can help a lot of people in my community.

00:04:58:19 - 00:05:19:29
Itamar Marani
I can be a very, you know, philanthropic individual, philanthropic individual. I can do a lot of positive things. And what was interesting is that that solved it for them. The Forex, the business, so to speak. Everything was going well, but then they dipped and I had to understand, like, what are they getting out of holding onto this belief?

00:05:19:29 - 00:05:42:10
Itamar Marani
Because that truth was enough to rattle free for a little bit. But then it came back. And the reality is a lot of these beliefs that keep us small also keep us safe, at least perceived safety. And that's the thing we have to understand. Like for them, if they're not going to go really financially big. Life is easier, it's simpler, it's what they know to their current community.

00:05:42:10 - 00:05:56:09
Itamar Marani
No one's going to like, even if it's completely in their head and no one's going to possibly judge them. No one's going to think they got too big or whatever. And maybe it makes things simpler. And a lot of the times we think we have all these negative beliefs about keep out of that. It's just a negative thing.

00:05:56:09 - 00:06:16:11
Itamar Marani
But the reality is we actually think it's a positive. We think this will make us feel safe in some way. It'll give us a sense of security, of stability, whatever it may be. It's like even the most negative things, for example, like drug addiction. There's whole saying like that addiction isn't the problem. It's actually the cure. Like, you actually really like the addiction.

00:06:16:14 - 00:06:28:19
Itamar Marani
You think it's bad, but you actually really get a lot out of it. It gives you an escape from the emotional issues that you're feeling or whatever it may be. It's making sense so far because if you're going to cool any questions out of it So far, no.

00:06:28:20 - 00:06:54:02
Alex De Fina
I think addiction is a great example to look at. And I couldn't offend anybody. That's perfect. It is the cure when you see it as that, like the root causes, obviously, you know, trauma, you know. Yeah, there's some emotional sort of reason as to why it leads to addiction, that that addiction as a cure could be replaced. We realize that health and fitness can be replaced with a mindset work.

00:06:54:04 - 00:06:55:05
Alex De Fina
Yeah. Yeah.

00:06:55:08 - 00:07:12:03
Itamar Marani
But I think to kind of go back to that topic, like if you're you to tell yourself addiction is just negative, it's negative for me. I get it. I shouldn't be doing it. I shouldn't do drugs, you know, whatever. It's probably not going to work that way. But if you recognize, you know what, I'm actually getting something out of it.

00:07:12:05 - 00:07:26:27
Itamar Marani
So what am I getting out of it? I'm getting an escape. Okay, interesting. So it does benefit me. Now, why do I need that escape? Then you can figure out, like how you said the trauma or whatever it may be, but if somebody were to say, you know what? Addiction is just negative. It's a limiting thing for me.

00:07:26:27 - 00:07:42:25
Itamar Marani
I'm going to let go of it. It's not the truth. It's actually a positive thing for you in some ways. And that's what I think a lot of us aren't willing to acknowledge all of the stuff that holds us back, the beliefs that hold us back. They also give us something positive and that creates the prison in our mind because we don't recognize, you know what?

00:07:42:25 - 00:08:01:19
Itamar Marani
I'm actually getting something out of this. I need to be honest with myself. Is this something that I'm getting out of? It's something I'm willing to let go of. And in that story about the rabbis, that was interesting part when I read it the first time, because he's saying like, do you like your suffering and remember the exact words you enjoy your suffering and the rewards you see from it.

00:08:01:21 - 00:08:21:03
Itamar Marani
Like, what are those rewards? Maybe if you're sick, you get pity, you get somebody to take care of you. All of a sudden people say nice things to you, whatever it may be. And if you recognize I'm actually getting something out of this, you know, shit, I wanted this thing, and that's why I'm keeping myself stuck. That's a real mind bender for a lot of people.

00:08:21:06 - 00:08:49:09
Alex De Fina
Do you see this playing out specifically saying in business, I'm not capable of doing fill in the blank? Or do you see it more as an overall comprehensive assessment of our character, like, I'm a bad person or I'm a failure? Or is it more so like domain specific, like business relationship health, or is it sort of more of a comprehensive summary of our identity?

00:08:49:11 - 00:08:59:23
Itamar Marani
I think our identity leaks into business. You know, I mean, that's the thing is like we're human beings in the house, we're human beings in business. And sometimes we are able to adjust ourselves a little bit, but it still comes out in various ways.

00:08:59:29 - 00:09:00:24
Alex De Fina
Mm hmm.

00:09:00:27 - 00:09:19:29
Itamar Marani
The biggest, again, the place that I experienced, was because I'm and this could be all contextual, because I work with people that are like in a very strong growth trajectory that been trying to evolve into the next phase or the next level of themselves or whatever it may be. And they're usually something that keeps them stuck at the old level that they know keeps them stuck.

00:09:20:02 - 00:09:22:25
Itamar Marani
So they're like, Oh, this is just a bad thing, and you just get over this.

00:09:23:02 - 00:09:23:17
Alex De Fina
Mm hmm.

00:09:23:20 - 00:09:40:06
Itamar Marani
But because they don't recognize, there's also something that's very good for you inside of this. You can't let that go because without recognizing it's also consider what can I say? Oh, there's something really good here that I don't want to let go of. And until they actually bring that to light. Okay. Interesting. First off, do I really want that?

00:09:40:09 - 00:09:43:14
Itamar Marani
If you're not going to get it somewhere else? Like I got to figure out a way to overcome this thing.

00:09:43:21 - 00:09:44:06
Alex De Fina
Mm hmm.

00:09:44:08 - 00:09:45:16
Itamar Marani
That answer your question.

00:09:45:16 - 00:10:21:00
Alex De Fina
It does. Using the term limiting beliefs. One of the many things which you've taught me is a better definition of that. And so I almost never use the words limiting beliefs anymore. You give me a better lexicon, which is false or true, because I feel that if I have to take a first principles approach to understanding this and it's false, then limiting was just as convenient and sort of buzzwords formally sort of plagued myself with, Oh, it's just a false belief.

00:10:21:02 - 00:10:24:03
Alex De Fina
It's much easier to discard and move, move past.

00:10:24:06 - 00:10:45:25
Itamar Marani
So here's the interesting thing, even if it's false, but you're getting something out of it will hold onto it. And that's that's what I want to talk about today. So let's say you gone through a process. We recognize this is a belief that I hold. It's actually it's it's negatively impacting my ability to succeed. So to get not succeed, let's say very specifically, it's negatively impacting my ability to achieve an outcome.

00:10:45:28 - 00:11:02:14
Itamar Marani
I said that I want an external one. Okay. Now let's say I've gone through the process and recognizing this belief actually isn't true, so I don't need to quote unquote worry about it. I can just proceed. Go ahead. There's no need to scare me. However, what is also a part of me that I but I really like what I'm getting out of it.

00:11:02:16 - 00:11:20:24
Itamar Marani
And I'm like, this is interesting. Like me just like complaining all the time about why this is hard and all that. Even though it's not hard, people will tell me they're there. It's okay. Like, Oh, good for you. And I really like that. Oh, am I willing to let go of it? And that's a lot of times what people don't recognize.

00:11:20:24 - 00:11:41:12
Itamar Marani
We all don't recognize. And this is like an old story that tells that that the way we hold ourselves back, we're doing it for a reason. A lot of times we get something out of it. We don't get that external thing, the result, but we get an internal thing, an internal feeling, internal reward of some sort, like that person that held themselves back and their business.

00:11:41:14 - 00:12:02:19
Itamar Marani
They felt a lot more comfortable keeping themselves small. You really didn't get the external result, but they got something out of it. They got a feeling of stability, a feeling of security, a feeling of like, I'm competent at dealing with the level of this, with a business of this level. This is okay. And I think a lot of times we don't recognize it that the like we're getting something out of holding on to these like the people.

00:12:02:21 - 00:12:19:16
Itamar Marani
Again, it just it's a stage like you said, it's like if you can just recognize, you know what this is a belief that I hold it is false. It is not serving me. And you go amazing. If however, because this is what I know, some people, they kind of regress back or they just they struggle to let go of it.

00:12:19:18 - 00:12:36:19
Itamar Marani
And that's the question. What are you getting out of holding on to this? And usually people be like, What the fuck? I'm not getting anything. I know. It's like, No, you are. And if you can have that honest introspection, that's when you can really start to get over it. Mm hmm. Does that make sense?

00:12:36:21 - 00:12:52:28
Alex De Fina
It does. How much do you think sort of the social conditioning or cultural conditioning plays a role in this? Do people from some parts of the world seem to struggle with these false limiting beliefs more than others.

00:12:53:01 - 00:13:18:03
Itamar Marani
Specifically around the beliefs that have to do with the people's ability to evolve or grow? It's all the Commonwealth, like the guys I work with from like the UK, Australia, New Zealand, all that jazz, that whole like tall poppy syndrome thing. Yeah, that's a very common one. Yeah. Where like, you logically know you want this thing, you want to grow, but emotionally it's like, you know, people are not going to like that.

00:13:18:09 - 00:13:40:26
Itamar Marani
Yes. So by me keeping myself small, at least I get to keep this that people aren't going to say negative things about me. And also from my my perspective on this, it's challenging because it's very passive aggressive. The things people say in those countries. It's not that I think it's easier if somebody were to tell you, like, Listen, Alex, like, who do you think you are trying to grow?

00:13:40:26 - 00:13:59:21
Itamar Marani
It's like F-you. You'd be like, You know what? I don't need that in my life. F-you And you just like, walk out of it and it be easier for you. But it's it's very little kind of passive aggressive comments that people make towards each other, that it makes people feel very uncomfortable and like bad but not bad enough to say, I need to bounce out of this environment.

00:13:59:21 - 00:14:14:11
Itamar Marani
This is not okay. And it's that weird kind of in-between that keeps people stuck there if they're like, I don't have to deal with those kind of little comments with the guys at the bar or whatever it may be. Like, You probably know this better than I do, though.

00:14:14:13 - 00:14:47:03
Alex De Fina
I think that it's the social conditioning. So yeah, in Commonwealth countries, I think there is a bit more of that sort of talk poppy syndrome, downplay your capabilities or attributes and where I could understand this more and sort of do a full circle is I believe that that works as like a negative set of affirmations. So if you're in a habit of downplaying capabilities, you know, if you're constantly telling yourself you're less than despite evidence to to the contrary, eventually start to believe it as a truth.

00:14:47:05 - 00:15:08:24
Alex De Fina
And then when you believe it as a truth, it it acts in a way where. Yeah, so obviously the Commonwealth countries versus the American sort of culture of, you know, I can do anything like yes, you can the way I've tried to understand that better is previously I thought that was noble. I thought there was something I convinced myself up until very recently that there's something noble about being humble.

00:15:08:24 - 00:15:14:25
Alex De Fina
There's something noble about sort of downplaying yourself. And I think the social conditioning led to that. But what you were.

00:15:14:25 - 00:15:15:10
Itamar Marani
Getting something.

00:15:15:10 - 00:15:37:00
Alex De Fina
Out of it was getting something out of it. And so actually I thought it was the most noble thing to do is to always sort of be humble. And then what I didn't realize is that I was actually protecting myself because if you start to aim higher, the whole sort of tall poppy syndrome exists that we build people up to a certain point and we don't have to tear them back down.

00:15:37:02 - 00:15:58:23
Alex De Fina
And I think that what happens is, especially for people from those cultures, is that we we place very constrained as we limit our aspirations because we've been brought up in a culture that loves to see people go from the peak to the valley. And so maybe it sort of subconsciously feels like, well, I don't really want to commit to this things.

00:15:58:23 - 00:16:15:14
Alex De Fina
If I actually make it for sure, I'm going to be torn down and that's going to be really painful. So the easiest way to avoid the pain of going from the penthouse to the gutter, which is inevitably going to happen because that's what happens, right? We're conditioned that way. The easiest way is not to actually summit them out in the first place.

00:16:15:18 - 00:16:16:06
Itamar Marani
Yeah.

00:16:16:08 - 00:16:36:10
Alex De Fina
So it actually becomes it does a sort of full circle from going from a false belief to actually sort of affecting the way we see reality and then we actually start to manifest actually never actually move beyond our comfort zone for fear of actually having to go back to our comfort zone at some point in time.

00:16:36:12 - 00:16:50:15
Itamar Marani
So let me ask you this. How do you think that relates to it? Because I see that connection about like people are getting something out of it and holding themselves back. They don't get that that belief that I shouldn't do this or that. I think it's not okay, they're getting something out of it. How do you see that?

00:16:50:18 - 00:17:02:06
Alex De Fina
I can only speak from my experience that what's helped me is the reason why I. I think I suffered from this for a longer period of time is because I convinced myself this is a noble thing to do.

00:17:02:09 - 00:17:18:22
Itamar Marani
And I said, okay, let's talk about that word Noble. You talked about the previous podcast. Like you optimize for an external goal, you figure out the target. Noble What's that trying to optimize for nobility? HM Yeah, I'm leaving that as a question for you. What is nobility?

00:17:18:23 - 00:17:26:09
Alex De Fina
Optimizing for my own subjective internal assessment of myself. I'm the hero of my own movie.

00:17:26:12 - 00:17:46:18
Itamar Marani
Do you think that's plausible that do you think it's possible that was very heavily influenced by the environment around you? This is what noble people do. They keep themselves small. They don't do that, does whatever, 100%. And that's how that bleeds into that social acceptance. And that's what we get out of it. It's like there was a part in your younger self that was said, You know what?

00:17:46:21 - 00:18:08:23
Itamar Marani
If I keep myself small or even if I see a lot of success, I don't enjoy it, or I think I'm whatever, maybe then by default people will really like me. So therefore, even though this belief I have of like how I look at nobility about how much I should succeed, aim for whatever it may be, logically doesn't get me towards my external target.

00:18:08:25 - 00:18:15:10
Itamar Marani
I get something out of holding on to this belief, out of this suffering. There's a reward for it. And that reward is social acceptance does that.

00:18:15:12 - 00:18:40:08
Alex De Fina
Yeah. So the way I've tried to recalibrate that with myself because I, you know, you've probably ingrained this way of thinking for so long, it's not as if you sort of have a realization once you are great, I'm healed, it's going to be something which you default to. And now I'm better at catching myself when I default to those limitations and I've shifted it and said rather than saying I'm doing the noble, honorable thing to do, which was false and was what helped me back is saying, Oh, I'm being a pussy.

00:18:40:10 - 00:19:04:28
Alex De Fina
I don't want to set a higher aspiration for myself and subjecting myself to the risk of failure or the risk of, you know, ridicule or anything else. So when I can shift that for me personally, that's that's what works. I typically do well when I'm sort of in a reactive. Yeah. So when I've been able to shift that and say, okay, I'm actually being a pussy here, it's not noble at all, then I can move beyond that limitation very quickly.

00:19:05:00 - 00:19:20:07
Itamar Marani
Can offer, I think, what would be a more effective way for you to think about this. So how you saying I am being a pussy? That's like my entirety, I'm being a pussy. However, if you were to say there's a part of me that's trying to hold this back, there's a part of me that's getting something out of this.

00:19:20:10 - 00:19:36:20
Itamar Marani
Mm hmm. What is that part? What is it getting out of this? Okay, Because this is not what I want. Like, there's two parts of what we talk about. There's the higher level you're. The more evolved. Part of that is the emotional you. So can say, okay, that lower part of me is getting something out of this. What's going on here is is valid or not?

00:19:36:25 - 00:19:59:06
Itamar Marani
Is there like, okay, like this lower part of me is just being scared as being pussy or whatever you want to call it, or like, what is it getting out of it? And so, you know, this is not about it. And I think what I've experienced for myself, it's easier for me to to function and take action when I don't think about myself as an absolute is an absolute like Itamar is.

00:19:59:09 - 00:20:14:08
Itamar Marani
But the more I recognize there's different parts of me that have different wants and I get to choose who I'm going to put in the driver's seat. It's easier to be effective and just do the right thing. Because even if I'm telling myself, let's say I like, I talk to myself and this could be just me, but like yourself.

00:20:14:08 - 00:20:32:14
Itamar Marani
And I was like, oh, you know, are just being a pussy. What will probably happen is I'll try to counterbalance that with like over aggression. And that'll still be, you know, an emotional reaction that won't be calm and logical and doing that. But if I can say to myself, you know, let's just split up. There's a part of me that just being fearful here, okay, What would the more evolved part of me do?

00:20:32:14 - 00:20:48:21
Itamar Marani
What would they do? Okay, You would just tell this part. Okay. I gather you're feeling this way. Good for you. Go sit in the back. You just do what you're supposed to be doing. And for me, that's helped me be much more effective. And I just go through like, an up and down, like I'm being a pussy. No, no, I got to go.

00:20:48:23 - 00:21:03:15
Itamar Marani
And I used to do that a lot, and I said, probably default a lot of times. But instead of just saying, I am saying there's a part of me that has been an incredible tool for me, something it's so much easier to be effective. Have you played with that yet?

00:21:03:18 - 00:21:34:02
Alex De Fina
I have. It's it's very difficult to fully escape it, like the death clutch of that low level thinking because I think it's colored so much of, you know, other my life and I'm sure other people suffer from in their own ways that, you know, it's just reps of of thinking like, how do I create new neural pathways and the way I tried.

00:21:34:02 - 00:21:55:10
Alex De Fina
I just always try to bring it back down to an analogy that I can understand, the one that I use for it to be all this in this podcast is the hundred meter sprint analogy. If you and I are on the starting blocks and there's ten of the runners and we know the distances 100 meters and there's a time we can understand the basic physics here.

00:21:55:13 - 00:22:18:18
Alex De Fina
Now if you come first place and you run, you know, 11 seconds and I'm dead last 20 seconds, if I'm sitting here going, I'm a great runner, it flies completely in the face of the evidence that was just presented. So it's unlikely that I'm going to have an inflated sense of my capabilities. But more to the point of this topic, if you're if you want, you know, I'm not very fast.

00:22:18:18 - 00:22:40:09
Alex De Fina
I'm like, you're the fastest runner here. Like you cross the finish line. I don't know how well you be able to hang on to that belief because there's just overwhelming amounts of evidence in front of you. So I couldn't imagine someone who runs a hundred meters and wins says that I might be saying I'm not as fast as state level at national level, Olympic level, but by the people who are here, I run this race.

00:22:40:09 - 00:23:18:06
Alex De Fina
You came first. So what I try to do is how do I understand whatever the topic is in the same way that I can understand time and distance, and if I can break it down to those parts, then I can get better at actually self assessing capabilities. So, you know, my business trauma that happened about five or six years ago, long, convoluted story like betrayal and fraud and corruption with business partners, long, messy and a lot of public ridicule and a very, very messy situation.

00:23:18:09 - 00:23:48:28
Alex De Fina
And I think it really plagued my perception of myself for a long period of time because it was just this chronic triage of financial and legal and going stuff for a long, long period of time so I could deal with it for a short period time. But when it's every day for years, it just becomes exhausting. And then I found myself very low, just very low confidence in my in my capabilities overall.

00:23:49:00 - 00:24:28:06
Alex De Fina
And I've tried to build the table legs of the belief that I'm, you know, capable of doing stuff by seeking evidence and people, you know, confiding in people and having people play devil's advocate, your thinking has really helped. So the tabletop analogy, you know, my good in business and so for me to table legs that support that belief is, you know, did I move to the part of a world where I didn't know anybody and be more successful than anyone in that saying yes was did I have all the right attributes to sort of like have an easy sort of win that No, I could sort of keep going, but I could build this evidence

00:24:28:06 - 00:24:47:12
Alex De Fina
say, okay, it turns out I am pretty good at that thing. So the more I've been able to actually provide evidence to the belief, the more I'm able to actually understand it. And I believe at a, you know, internal level moved beyond it. So, no, actually I did come first in the hundred meter race.

00:24:47:20 - 00:25:11:06
Itamar Marani
Kind of challenge you here. Yeah. So I think this is exactly what we're talking about today. So logically, you know, it's not true that I'm out of business. Logically, you know that you are very you're very, like, talented, you're very skilled, whatever you want to call it. However, there's probably a part in you that says, like by me, not like you listen versus by me not going big and really big, right now.

00:25:11:09 - 00:25:29:23
Itamar Marani
I can beat you. I mean, I can not have all those legal issues. I cannot have this. Like, I can have a sense of stability, a sense of safety. And that's the biggest thing. You're getting something out of holding on to this man. And this is something, you know, we've talked about as friends for a long time. But like I see you as someone who's so much better than what he's currently doing.

00:25:29:25 - 00:25:47:04
Itamar Marani
So there's a part of you that actually has like, there's something good here in this space. We want to stay in this place. That's the thing. It's like it's it's either that, you know, the spaces is bad for you and you're like, Let's go. There's a part in you. And again, it's not you entirely. There's a part in you that's getting something out of saying here.

00:25:47:06 - 00:26:05:27
Itamar Marani
And but you recognize that, oh, there is a part in me here. What is it that's and you can say, okay, once understand what it is, am I willing to let go of it? Because when we don't do that, then we keep getting dragged into it. Our subconscious keeps pulling us here. There's some kind of rewards from you staying here, whether it's a sense of stability, like, Man, I got a good life right now.

00:26:05:27 - 00:26:23:28
Itamar Marani
Like, things are relatively like good. They're stable. Like we have three dogs. We have like, you know, perhaps have like, expanding family, whatever it may be. And you know what? This could be really nice if you just stay stable like this and there's a part of us that gets a rewards from doing things that we know logically we don't want to do.

00:26:24:00 - 00:26:38:27
Itamar Marani
It's a yin and the yang. It's like viewing it in that absolute form. This is just a bad thing. It's like, if it was just that you would let go of it, it would be easy. But the reason we don't like go these things because we are there is a positive in it that we sometimes don't recognize. That's why we're holding on it.

00:26:39:00 - 00:26:58:17
Itamar Marani
Like a common example is, you know, when people interchange social circles because, you know, like I want to expand, I want to go with like higher level people, higher level entrepreneurs, whatever it may be, and they don't accept That's it. Like the lot that while I transition to this new group, I'm going to leave the old group because this is going to be a bit of a lull.

00:26:58:19 - 00:27:16:10
Itamar Marani
So they recognize this old group as that's called, a quote unquote negative for what they want out of life, but at least they don't feel lonely. So I'm getting something positive out of here. And because they don't recognize that, like, oh, this is something that I actually do want and not feel lonely, They can decide if they're willing to accept that lack of it or not.

00:27:16:13 - 00:27:34:05
Itamar Marani
Like when we grow, are we willing to accept, like the positive things that we got from that old stage? We're going to like go with a sense of stability, a sense of safety, a sense of competency, Like from you and I, we're growing the business. We're doing a lot of new things. I feel less competent everyday at work than I did probably six months ago.

00:27:34:07 - 00:27:51:28
Itamar Marani
I feel awkward a lot of times, like. But am I willing to give up that sense of competency that like, I feel good about myself because like, yeah, me, yeah. Or not. And I think that's the thing that we get something out of holding onto the things that keep us small. We get something out of them and unless we know that, it's probably going to keep that hold over us.

00:27:52:03 - 00:27:53:21
Itamar Marani
Mm hmm.

00:27:53:23 - 00:28:15:00
Alex De Fina
So, you know, do you want to be the champion swimming in the kiddy pool, or do you want to be competing at a at the lowest level and feel like you're winning? Or are you willing to actually step into bigger and bigger arenas and go from being you know, peak performance to the new guy again? Because I feel that that's a a threshold a lot of people dip their toes into.

00:28:15:02 - 00:28:32:14
Alex De Fina
It feels bad, so they regress back to, Well, I'm just going to stay put here. I'm going to own this domain, whether it's in business or relationships like the stats on, you know, battered women who sort of go back to the abusive partner, because the idea of being single.

00:28:32:16 - 00:28:52:08
Itamar Marani
It's a sense of familiarity. They hold onto it and it's like is again, what do you want more like your future success or what you're currently holding on to? And the thing is, most people I as well, I, I didn't realize I tend to hold on to things. They don't service, they don't really serve. They're nice. And that's why they can be very alluring if you don't recognize it.

00:28:52:10 - 00:29:11:13
Itamar Marani
But the moment we can recognize, you know, this is like the upside of this overall negative thing. And because of that, I keep holding onto it because I like this upside. I haven't been willing to give it up yet. I haven't been willing to be a bit lonely, like when I'm either single or when I'm moving to a new peer group or whatever it may be.

00:29:11:15 - 00:29:25:13
Itamar Marani
I haven't been willing to give up that feeling of like, Oh, I'm really smart. Like I'm a really great coach. I can coach a lot of people. I can do that very well. Am I willing to give that up to say like, let's go to the business of the whole next level? And I feel a bit incompetent as a CEO as I grow this was a lot of learning curves.

00:29:25:13 - 00:29:40:29
Itamar Marani
Here I am. I want to give up that because I know like do I want to keep the businesses level, I want to grow, but I'm willing to give that up. The rewards I get from keeping it small, I feel really good about myself or whatever it may be. So I think it's a big part of it. Like just because something's negative, it doesn't mean it's 100%.

00:29:40:29 - 00:29:56:11
Itamar Marani
It's not black and white. You get something out of holding on to the beliefs that hold you back. And if you don't recognize what that is, you can't get to a place where you can just say, okay, you know what? I'm willing to give this up if you're not willing to give this up, you're probably going to hold on to it.

00:29:56:11 - 00:30:00:21
Itamar Marani
Even if you can make that little step forward, you'll end up taking a step back at some point.

00:30:00:23 - 00:30:19:11
Alex De Fina
Do you have a simple process for yourself personally that if you are aware that you might be in a place where you're holding yourself back, do you have a series of prompts, you know, some kind of a formula or model that you work through to tell, recognize it?

00:30:19:14 - 00:30:45:08
Itamar Marani
So I put it this way. I think the thing that oftentimes holds us back is from graduating. It's a it's a primal it's a tribal thing. Sorry. A lot of times I recognize I'm afraid to go to the next level or do the next thing because of how that might affect my relationship with the people that I really care about, which are not super common.

00:30:45:10 - 00:31:00:06
Itamar Marani
It's not that I don't like, you know, me, I'm pretty in I have my little small tribe. And for me just to say, recognize, okay, I'm afraid that if I was going to the next level, I'm going have to leave down like we're going to let go of a lot of stability. It's going to be a little bit more chaos.

00:31:00:06 - 00:31:19:26
Itamar Marani
There's going to be a bit more uncertainty and saying, I'm afraid this is how it's going to influence our relationship or damage possibly our relationship. And I want to know if you feel the same way or if there's something you're up to supporting me through. Like I have to talk with my wife. And for me, I felt there's nothing more relieving of all that pressure and that just makes it so much easier.

00:31:19:26 - 00:31:52:26
Itamar Marani
Like go that stuff when the people who actually care about I get are in line with me wanting to grow. And I've seen this this especially in the Asian cultures. I coach quite a few guys from Singapore, Hong Kong and I actually also from Europe as well as having with a couple of the guys. But when I tell them, can you please go have that conversation that you need to have with your father and you just want to hear that what you're doing is okay because you didn't go to school, you didn't go this, but you have a massively successful business because he's never actually told you that he's proud of you.

00:31:52:28 - 00:32:14:24
Itamar Marani
And it's wild because they always go, they have that conversation. Their fathers. I was like, I didn't know that you wanted to hear that. But actually it's amazing what you've done. You've got this big company or whatever it may be, and all of a sudden these are like who they shoot for the moon, because all that emotional weight of like this thing that was holding me back, but I was getting out of it a sense like, I don't want him not to love me or not approve of me.

00:32:14:26 - 00:32:34:00
Itamar Marani
They were getting out of it. They were able to let go of him. So for me, that's been the biggest thing, is recognizing that usually with this stuff there's a sense of approval that is stopping me. That's like that's for me, like holding me back, that I get to keep things how they are. So I know I'm going to keep the certain like level of approval I have or love or whatever it may be.

00:32:34:03 - 00:33:00:03
Itamar Marani
And maybe there's another way for me to get that. Maybe it's actually not something I need to fear letting go of. I can still have it the next level and you don't let me go verify that. I can verify that. It's very uncomfortable a lot of times to do that, that conversation. And it feels very vulnerable to say like, hey, if I do these things and I might have more like days where I'm a bit frustrated or a bit disturbed that will you still support me in this?

00:33:00:06 - 00:33:13:26
Itamar Marani
And to ask that it feels very uncomfortable. But when you get the answer of like, of course, and I want you to do this and I want you to grow, then it's like, All right, let's go. For me, that's been and also what I've seen with most of the guys when they have the conversation, especially with their fathers or the loved ones or whatever it may be.

00:33:14:03 - 00:33:15:15
Itamar Marani
Yeah. Does that kind of.

00:33:15:22 - 00:33:36:08
Alex De Fina
It does. I think that there's a lot of media where someone takes a big risk and it works out. So I think that a lot of people have this kind of idea that sometimes, you know, taking that leap and, you know, knocking on the door of novelty and, you know, the universe provides and sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it like it is worst case scenario.

00:33:36:08 - 00:33:52:09
Alex De Fina
So sometimes you take that big leap and it's not a, you know, success stories to be written around will be written about for eons. It's like it was a disaster. But then that starts to then condition the person that, okay, I took the leap. It ended really badly. So I will never ever, you know, take that leap again.

00:33:52:12 - 00:34:02:13
Alex De Fina
And what I've tried to do is try to ask myself what the painful because that really obvious once you ask the contrarian question.

00:34:02:15 - 00:34:03:09
Itamar Marani
To just.

00:34:03:11 - 00:34:27:01
Alex De Fina
Such as, let's say someone has a limiting or false belief around their business, I want to do X, but you know, I don't want to do that or this is a complexity and you just go, Yeah, but what if you didn't have to? We've didn't have to have that complexity. Yeah. So someone said, yeah, I wanted more just thing, but I don't wanna be working 16 nowadays, seven days a week, you know.

00:34:27:01 - 00:34:46:15
Alex De Fina
Okay. What if you just did the same without working 16 hours a day? Like, how would that be possible? You got to rethink this. But it's that which I pick up from Naval Ravikant because he's got a very contrarian way of looking at business and he's like, you know, the metaphor of business is you really get paid crossing the finishing line.

00:34:46:15 - 00:35:14:24
Alex De Fina
The finishing line could be I've got a relatively in terms of entrepreneurship, earning this thing, not buying yourself the job either. It's spitting out cash and I don't have to do anything or I exit sell. So and sort of walk off into the sunset. So if that's a metaphor for finish line, you could get there in the most complex spot and race y and sort of drag yourself with two broken legs across the finishing line of missing teeth.

00:35:14:27 - 00:35:45:00
Alex De Fina
Or you could just like hop on a Segway and just kind of like zoom across and sort of like do it really comfortably. The reward is the same. The the pain you feel to get there is optional. And one constraint that I definitely have been challenging with recently is the operational requirements. I think because I've had a series of events over my business career where I've spent longer periods and I'd like to admit trapped in a business.

00:35:45:02 - 00:35:48:21
Alex De Fina
And so my concern is if I launch a thing.

00:35:48:26 - 00:35:49:03
Itamar Marani
Yeah.

00:35:49:10 - 00:36:11:07
Alex De Fina
Then I'm going to be trapped and I have all these obligations going be sort of pain, suffering, misery. And I don't want to have to all those obligations because right now I've managed to reduce a lot of my obligations down. But that's a false belief. And so I have to sort of ask myself the contract questions like, well, if I want to do the thing, how could I do the thing and just not have those obligations which forces you to get more creative?

00:36:11:10 - 00:36:27:15
Itamar Marani
Can I think the next level? Yeah. What if you're also asked that possible to have a lot of obligations but not feel trapped? Sure. Yeah. I think that's the bigger thing for you that you equate commitment to like an obligation to being trapped, to being negative and all that kind of stuff.

00:36:27:15 - 00:36:28:15
Alex De Fina
Sure, sure.

00:36:28:17 - 00:36:38:01
Itamar Marani
And it's because, again, that's how that's the power in that your brain recognizing in the past I committed to these things. I went all in. Then I was trapped in it and it was really, really bad.

00:36:38:08 - 00:36:38:27
Alex De Fina
Yeah.

00:36:39:00 - 00:36:56:15
Itamar Marani
But that doesn't have to be the case. And I think but again, like having that belief in your head that your brain basically said to itself, you know what? If we just recognize that we don't, we shouldn't commit to something because that's going to be really bad. We get to keep ourselves safe. We don't we don't need to go through that suffering.

00:36:56:17 - 00:37:03:00
Itamar Marani
And by you just like keeping yourself out of that, like scaling or committing or whatever, maybe that's what you get out of it. You keep yourself safe.

00:37:03:03 - 00:37:03:19
Alex De Fina
And.

00:37:03:21 - 00:37:24:22
Itamar Marani
Like, that's the big thing. Like we get something out of this. And I if, you know, again, like, for example, like if you recognize I keep this is what actually tricks me anything. I keep myself safe, but it causes all this internal frustration because I do want to do bigger things. And then you can says, okay, am I willing to give up this feeling that I thought I learned about what keeps me safe or not?

00:37:24:25 - 00:37:39:09
Itamar Marani
And am I willing to feel like this might not be comfortable? Like I don't really know. Because for the past five years of basically told myself a story of like this keeps me safe. So if I do this, I get something positive out of it. Even if I don't like how small it is or whatever it may be.

00:37:39:11 - 00:37:44:24
Itamar Marani
Can you give that up? Because if you're saying I want to give that up, then all of sudden releases a lot of it.

00:37:44:26 - 00:38:07:00
Alex De Fina
I think once any time I've been able to move beyond that, you can look back and I'll say I'll say a politically correct words were don't get canceled here. You feel dumb. I think that's a safe word. Is dumb. A safe word. Okay. You feel less intellectually capable when you can look back at the way you used to view things.

00:38:07:00 - 00:38:24:03
Alex De Fina
And so I to be aversion to financial wealth for the longest period of time, I was willing to scrap and take risk and do all the hard work when it came time to get paid. And we've discussed this before, until I had someone challenge me. And just a really simple way of like how you, you know, helping the world by keeping yourself poor.

00:38:24:04 - 00:38:44:03
Alex De Fina
I was like, So in business, I think a lot of people limit themselves by saying, Oh, I want to watch this business, but I don't want to make a lot of money. It's all about making money, you know? Cool. Why not go? Because I want deliver great value to people.

00:38:44:11 - 00:38:44:27
Itamar Marani
Okay.

00:38:45:00 - 00:38:45:18
Alex De Fina
Yeah, I was.

00:38:45:18 - 00:39:04:19
Itamar Marani
Just looking at, say, what are you getting out of saying that? Yes, there is no bullshit. Like if I look you in the eye, you're telling me that, like, deposit money is helpful? What are you getting out of saying that? What are you getting out of telling yourself this story? That I don't actually want to make a lot of money, whether that's you keeping yourself safe because you're saying I'm there's no way I'm going to fail because I'm actually trying to go for something or like, you know what?

00:39:04:22 - 00:39:21:03
Itamar Marani
I just don't want people to judge me like, you're getting something out of this, but you keeping yourself small, you are getting something out of this. And I think it's a question that I do like to ask people. A lot of times it's like I'm saying, What are you getting out of saying that? Because I think that's I smell bullshit.

00:39:21:06 - 00:39:22:04
Alex De Fina
But of course.

00:39:22:04 - 00:39:36:06
Itamar Marani
Yeah, but instead of saying I smell bullshit, that gets them very defensive. You say like, what are you getting out of holding onto this? Why? Why do you say that? What's the positive in this? Like, why do you want that? Because imagine like if, for example, you said like, oh, I don't want to make a lot of money back then when you were saying, like, you just work really hard.

00:39:36:06 - 00:39:41:13
Itamar Marani
Like, what are you getting out of this? Alex Out of you? Like not making a lot of money.

00:39:41:15 - 00:39:58:22
Alex De Fina
I recognize that and I think would be very powerful maybe where I'm trying to anger. Maybe there's a third way here. Yeah. Calling bullshit on someone is highly likely to make them defensive and not listen to what you want to say. Put out the move. The second option, which which is suggesting is, you know, ask them what they're getting out of it.

00:39:58:24 - 00:40:16:08
Alex De Fina
But that might be unless they're in presence of someone who is at a very high level coaching them, help guide them, They might not have the right prompts and frameworks to think that through, to sort of move beyond it. And so I was trying to just be very, very pragmatic and say, okay, you don't make much money. Why?

00:40:16:10 - 00:40:32:05
Alex De Fina
Without asking necessarily about the emotion? Because I feel like the emotions, whether maybe that's like a big void that I can sort of get lost in. I said, Well, because if I charge a lot of money, people won't be able to engage in my service. Okay, so you won't make it free.

00:40:32:07 - 00:41:01:09
Itamar Marani
Can I challenge you here? I think that by asking people why it gives them a lot of room to be ask themselves, but like this is where you kind of put someone into a hopefully not aggressive intellectual corner and say like, what do you think you're getting out of that? Do think there's a part of you give me a say, it's not you entirely that's protector or it's not you, but there's a part of you that's probably like getting something out of holding on to that.

00:41:01:12 - 00:41:16:05
Itamar Marani
Because you just told me 5 minutes ago you actually do want to make a lot of money because you want to buy the house. Do you want to, like, be able to support your family, whatever it may be? And now you're saying that, but you don't really care about how much money this business makes. So lack of congruency here.

00:41:16:06 - 00:41:32:11
Itamar Marani
So there's probably part of you that's getting something out of saying that. What are you getting? What do you think that part of me is getting out of it and all of a sudden by me dropping and I think you are the problem, but there's a part of you that's me and you together work against that part like me and your conscious mind.

00:41:32:11 - 00:41:57:05
Itamar Marani
Let's work against your subconscious mind together. What is your subconscious mind getting out of it? And that it doesn't give a lot of room for nonsense, you know? I mean, it might create a little bit of confusion, a little bit of head scratching, a little pause of silence, but it doesn't give a lot of room for nonsense. So, for example, if I had asked, like the audience here is like, what's the one belief that you think is challenging for you to let go of that you know, it's holding you back.

00:41:57:05 - 00:42:18:05
Itamar Marani
It is challenging for you. Let go of what are you getting out of it? Is there part of you that's getting something out of holding on to it? Sense of security, a sense of safety, a sense of stability, whatever it may be. And you can figure out what that is. Then you can ask yourself, and we're willing to let go of it if you are willing to let go of it, that's when you can move past it.

00:42:18:08 - 00:42:34:23
Itamar Marani
If you're not, then you're going to stay there and that's fine. It's everyone's decision to recognize these beliefs. You're not just hundred percent negative, 1% positive, but you're getting something positive out of it, so to speak. Whether you think it's a negative one, sort of what is that? Are you willing to give that up in order to get to the whole next level?

00:42:34:25 - 00:42:39:04
Alex De Fina
So how would you help coach someone who's response is, I don't know.

00:42:39:07 - 00:42:40:12
Itamar Marani
I don't know what I'm getting out of it?

00:42:40:12 - 00:42:41:24
Alex De Fina
Yeah.

00:42:41:27 - 00:43:02:22
Itamar Marani
Let's walk through an example. This would be hard on a conceptual level, but if it was an example, trying to think of a recent example of how with a client about this, can we do you? Sure. Okay, so let's say what are you getting out of holding on to the fact that like you don't want to build the next level of the business like we spoke about earlier?

00:43:02:22 - 00:43:05:19
Itamar Marani
What do you think? There's a party that's getting out of it.

00:43:05:21 - 00:43:09:25
Alex De Fina
Uh, safety. Come through. Okay. Yeah.

00:43:09:27 - 00:43:22:16
Itamar Marani
Great. Is that safety or comfort more important for you in the long term than the feeling of, like, letting go? The frustration that you're holding yourself back?

00:43:22:18 - 00:43:24:03
Alex De Fina
So I can ask, is it more important?

00:43:24:03 - 00:43:39:08
Itamar Marani
So here's the deal. Like it gives you a sense of safety and comfort with that. I know you also feel very frustrated because you know you're better than what you're currently doing. Like, you know, you're an elite performer as far as entrepreneurship, and now you're playing like a good game on a league game and that gap creates a frustration inside you.

00:43:39:13 - 00:43:46:28
Itamar Marani
MM Like which feeling do you prefer to hold that safety or that frustration?

00:43:47:01 - 00:43:57:14
Alex De Fina
Well, which feeling of the safety of the frustration. Um, what do you think I hold on to?

00:43:57:17 - 00:44:13:19
Itamar Marani
I think you hold on to the safety and it causes you to be frustrated that you're not actually holding on to, like, consciously the frustration. But the fact is, like, if you're willing to let go of the safety, it'll feel like a bumpy ride. Be like, Oh, crap. Like we're doing this again. Oh my God, I have all this association that if I do that, that's going to happen.

00:44:13:19 - 00:44:23:03
Itamar Marani
If I do this, that's going to happen. This feels scary, sure. But you'll like the person that you look at in the mirror every day. So much more. You'll be so much more at peace with them.

00:44:23:06 - 00:44:23:26
Alex De Fina
Yeah.

00:44:23:29 - 00:44:53:01
Itamar Marani
I think the reason that you sometimes aren't as, let's say, or as methodical as you can be is because there's an internal agitation that you know that you're better than what you're currently doing. However, that part of you that wants to keep you safe, you're saying, But this keeps us safe, so we're going to hold on to it and recognizing like this is something I have to let go of and it's going to feel very scary.

00:44:53:01 - 00:45:07:24
Itamar Marani
It's going to feel very uncomfortable. That's the real key. Yeah. Accurate. Yeah. I hope hopefully that it goes too deep.

00:45:07:25 - 00:45:34:19
Alex De Fina
No, no, no, no. Yeah, I've just I've because I think a lot of people would have a hard time when they get to that point. You know, if, if I've got, you know, average level intelligence and a desire to improve and I'm working with, you know, an expert in a field like you, this is obviously still something that like the the the reps of and the amount of times which you need to sort of probably challenge me.

00:45:34:22 - 00:45:52:09
Alex De Fina
So without that level of domain expert and and feedback loop I don't know how well the average person would just be able to recognize what do I get out of this better identify that and move on to it.

00:45:52:12 - 00:46:11:14
Itamar Marani
I'm not sure. Truthfully, I think people are more they're more capable than they give themselves credit for in this domain because it's just a domain they haven't spent much time in. It's like really, I think if somebody spent 10 minutes after this podcast, this instead of going on to the next thing, driving to the next place, whatever it may be.

00:46:11:16 - 00:46:35:23
Itamar Marani
But ASYMPTOTE sometimes, like, what's the one thing that I think that I know really blocks my success a way that I think a belief, whatever you want to call it, you're like, okay, there's something that I know I'm aware of already that I've wanted to shed. What's the upside if somebody like me could, That's difficult. But what if somebody like me held onto this kind of belief?

00:46:35:25 - 00:46:54:00
Itamar Marani
What upside would they get from it? What feeling will they get from an external thing? Because we know externally it's holding them back. But internally, what does it give them? What's the reward they get from it? And usually is going to be safety, stability, security, something that's like not dramatically positive, but it keeps the negative, so to speak.

00:46:54:02 - 00:47:15:05
Itamar Marani
I think people can figure that out. And then the next step is once they figure that out, they've got to decide, am I willing to accept that in between? Because, for example, with you, why you give up the safety and the stability and before you see the external result, there's going to be a lull there. So you haven't yet experienced like the high of the new success and you're just like without that sense of stability, that feels really uncomfortable.

00:47:15:05 - 00:47:32:26
Itamar Marani
It's like going between the old social circle and the new one. There's a lull. And if they're willing to also accept that lull preemptively, that's when they can win. And I think that's the biggest common mistake. Even after people figure this out. If I want to accept that lull, you're not going to proceed with this.

00:47:32:26 - 00:47:59:17
Alex De Fina
Be one of those areas where proximity to two people that are achieving more in the area that you want to be achieving in would be highly beneficial to people where they can gain a perspective of seeing how other people think through, you know, similar belief patterns and move beyond it. Because I think as a sort of social creature, the ability to sort of witness that through somebody else and say, okay, this person was doing X, but actually they needed to do Y or they believed this.

00:47:59:20 - 00:48:08:23
Alex De Fina
The truth was actually that that then they can start to turn that internally and start to go, okay, where's my blind spots? Where am I holding myself back? And if they can do it, so can I.

00:48:08:25 - 00:48:24:00
Itamar Marani
Yeah, absolutely. I think it just exposes us to different ways of thinking, different possibilities, because a lot of times they're like, we're not aware that this is our bias. We just think this is how it is. We're going to say this person doesn't operate that way. Maybe this is not just the way this is. Maybe this is the way I'm thinking about it.

00:48:24:02 - 00:48:37:11
Itamar Marani
If I'm just thinking about this and this doesn't actually serve me, then why am I doing it? Maybe I'm getting something out of it. Maybe I need to let that go. Okay? I'm willing to let that go. And I'm willing to face kind of uncertainty between when to let that go and actually see the success.

00:48:37:12 - 00:48:39:26
Alex De Fina
External one that I want. Yes.

00:48:39:28 - 00:48:40:19
Itamar Marani
So what it is.

00:48:40:20 - 00:48:41:25
Alex De Fina
Yeah.

00:48:41:28 - 00:48:44:02
Itamar Marani
Cool. Any last questions about this one.

00:48:44:04 - 00:48:44:18
Alex De Fina
I think is.

00:48:44:19 - 00:49:03:14
Itamar Marani
An amorphous one. Yeah. All right. So there's one I want to leave the audience with. So if you're feeling that there's something that's holding you back and you know it's holding you back, you're aware of this and you're aware of and this is not true, This is nonsense. Why do I keep letting this thing hold me back? Then ask yourself, what could I possibly be getting out of it?

00:49:03:17 - 00:49:26:23
Itamar Marani
Is there some kind of negative blocker worth keeping my down so it makes me feel a bit more safe? Just to stay this way makes me feel a bit more secure. More stable. A bit more like people will approve of this because this is okay right now. What am I getting out of keeping myself small? Because more often than not, there's something there might be hidden, but there's something alluring that's keeping you small and you hold these kind of beliefs.

00:49:26:23 - 00:49:45:27
Itamar Marani
You got to ask yourself, What are you getting out of keeping yourself small? And just by answering that, you can all of a sudden let a lot of it release. Because once you bring it from the darkness into the light like Godzilla is in a scary once you see. And it's just that sometimes. So I hope today's podcast was helpful and obviously I got excited.

00:49:45:27 - 00:49:54:04
Itamar Marani
If you want to get help and have me actually see what's going on, you're welcome to the plight of the arena. And aside from that, I lost you guys in the next episode. They were on Man.

00:49:54:06 - 00:49:54:19
Alex De Fina
Thanks, mate.