Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and How to Work Less and Earn 4x More – Ben McAdam | Elite Performance Podcast #6

Itamar Marani 0:00
Hey guys, welcome to today's episode today, we have Ben macadam with us, Ben, please say hello to the people,

Ben McAdam 0:07
the people, how are you?

Itamar Marani 0:09
So Ben was one of the members of the very first ever arena cohort. He did the accelerated when it was just very new and raw. And he has a pretty impressive transformation even just during the six weeks. And I wanted to bring him in here to talk a little bit about that and the lessons that he's shared and kind of his perspective on how it felt during the process and what helped him more than anything else. So I'm good. That's great. If you please introduce yourself a little bit, who you are what your business does.

Ben McAdam 0:42
Okay. Hi, everybody. I'm Ben macadam. My business is called profits collective. And what I do is I help business owners understand their numbers and grow their businesses where they want to grow their profits grow their businesses, or both. Usually, there's some unknown for them around what the numbers mean, and what to do about it. But it can kind of branch out for there. The numbers are good canary in the coal mine for all sorts of issues. I generally coach one on one and occasionally to groups. And I've been doing this for quite a while now. Where am I? Somewhere? 1415 years.

Itamar Marani 1:23
Okay, so that's a good piece of context for 15 years. So you did arena want to say about a year ago now? Right? Yeah, that pretty much. Yeah. So yeah. So give us a framework of where you were at year 14? And where you are right now? Like, where are you right now? Yeah. So

Ben McAdam 1:42
quick, quick headlines is that I was earning anywhere between five and $10,000 a month. And I wanted to earn a lot more I wanted to support my family wanted to travel, couldn't see how it would happen. I was getting fantastic results for people and 10s of 1000s of dollars, hundreds of 1000s of dollars kind of results and charging on like $500 a month, or 750 a month. And fearful and reluctant of charging higher, fearful and reluctant of doing podcasts and presentation opportunities. Fearful and reluctant of going after bigger clients where I could actually have a bigger impact with the knowledge that I have, which would be better for the client. And they were more able to pay me more when I was worth and I'd be able to earn more be great for the family, all this kind of stuff. And I had been wrestling with that fear and reluctance for years. And I help other people with relatives, sometimes as part of what I do. Just couldn't crack it for myself. And I've tried a lot of stuff to try and do it like you know, I wasn't just accepting the situation. None of it really seemed to work. And then the Now picture

Itamar Marani 3:00
is well, if you're curious where you try,

Ben McAdam 3:03
I tried a couple of different therapists. I tried masterminds with other business owners. I tried journaling and meditation and going on walks in nature and the kitchen sink, basically, the the kitchen sink and the events and conferences and YouTube and blog posts and you know, quite a lot of things.

Itamar Marani 3:29
And where are you right now?

Ben McAdam 3:32
Well, right now, I'm actually in Rome, and traveling constantly with my large family, which is expensive. I'm earning quite a bit. So I went from five to 10k a month to like anywhere from 20 to 40k a month. And fast Yeah, and I charge more. And I am also a better coach, like I get even better results for my clients now. And they're enjoying the calls even more as well. So like it's not just a benefit to me, it's a benefit for my family, you get to experience this lifestyle, and and have a happier bent. And it's also been beneficial for my clients as well, because they are getting better results and enjoying the process more too.

Itamar Marani 4:24
Yeah, that's awesome. So how many how much were you working before? And how much are you working now?

Ben McAdam 4:32
Yes, I'm glad you brought that up. It's been such a transformative change for me that I kind of forget all the things that used to suck. They're just like, not part of my reality anymore. So I used to work well over 60 hours. And most of that was really ineffective. It was busy work and it was lots of things that I felt I had to do. I had this big strong drive I was like, oh, no, I have to work. Otherwise. You know, I, what happens if one of my clients leave? It's like, I have no leads, or I'll have no leads, or what if I go through a drive, or like there was so much fear. And that was driving a lot of work that I didn't actually need really be doing. I tried all the marketing things, as well as all the all the like the therapies and the conferences and masterminds and things. Like I tried all the marketing things, and I spent a lot of my time jumping from different marketing team to different marketing thing. Totally unnecessarily.

Itamar Marani 5:37
How is the word work these days? Walter? Well, try. Remember, you said you're going to try to set up yourself Jackson.

Ben McAdam 5:45
Yeah. So I only do calls on Tuesdays or Thursdays. I don't do calls on Mondays or Fridays. And I generally don't actually work. I just might look at some emails, make sure there's nothing urgent from clients. For maybe 15 minutes, half an hour. I think it's like 1010 hours a week. Maybe? There's Yeah. It's amazing. Default. days.

Itamar Marani 6:11
Yeah. But that's what you can get, like when you have a skill set that you've accumulated for 15 years, and you finally kind of have luck. So but let's talk about this. Let's get into the meat of kind of what your transformation was, for me, was a lot around imposters.

Ben McAdam 6:29
Yeah. Would you agree? Oh, absolutely. And in fact, like you and I first met because we were matched up in a mastermind. And I quit that mastermind. Yeah. And I quit that mastermind because I would be so anxious every time that like this guy. This Itamar guy like he sees straight to the core of things. He's going to find me out. Yeah, so like my imposter syndrome drove me away from the guy that was actually needed to help me, unfortunately. So yeah, it was it was enormous. Like, every time I did anything, there was so much stalling and procrastination and thinking and fear and anxiety and everything around it. And then you know, I would do the thing in a small, lower level way, because of the fear. And then, you know, after I did do it, I was like, anxiety and like when it didn't actually work, because my imposter syndrome. Like I've reduced it to an ineffective dose, this thing that I've done, and then nothing came of it, they would like just reinforce the things like I'm no good at this. You know, I can teach other people and get them results. But I can't do it for myself. Actually, no, I didn't even think that at the time. I was like, Oh, I'm no good. I just like, I'm making it up on the fly every coaching call. Oh, my God, I hope they don't ask me hard question or that there's something just today's the day that they realized, oh, and doesn't actually know what he's talking about. Like it was just everywhere, this imposter syndrome.

Itamar Marani 8:00
So what was your process and getting over it and getting to this other side?

Ben McAdam 8:04
That really happened for you? There were two things that happened. Sorry,

Itamar Marani 8:07
but so if I may, I want to retract that, I think there is. One ask a better question for the audience. Okay, how can how would you say this is a way for you to tell to notice, if you're suffering from this, if it actually is impostor syndrome, and you do have skills, but you're just not seeing it? Or whatever it may be? How would you advise somebody to first off, like, be aware that this is probably what's ailing them?

Ben McAdam 8:32
Yep. So I think if you have some of those feelings I described, where you don't think you're worthy to do something or you think you're gonna get found out that one in particular, the you know, if you think you're a fraud, and it's just a matter of time before other people find out that kind of thing is a big clue. But I think coupling, or comparing how you see yourself versus how other people see you. And trying to get some objective evidence into the mix. helps a little, I mean, it's fear. So it's very hard to have logic fear sometimes. But it was helpful to me. One of the helpful things in the arena was when there are a number of other business owners on the call, and it's my you spelled through you know, what are the kind of results that you get? And then they were like, yeah, there was an objective voice. I think that was that was pointing out the fact that like, hang on a minute, the way you think of yourself isn't right. I think if people liked for that, for listeners to answer the question you asked if they think of themselves in some way, and then you share that with somebody who would be able to objectively evaluate it. And they say, Hang on a minute that I don't know where you're getting your ideas from, like your don't suck, you're not a fraud. Like, this is who you are. up here, you know, not this down this level you can give yourself. And so that's like one of the symptoms if other people continuously look at you and go, What? Why are you doing this small thing? Why are you charging so little? Like, you know, the advice that you're giving your business is like, go for this go for this Hi thing. There's a reason why they're saying that it's because you have impostor syndrome, and you don't believe it.

Itamar Marani 10:27
Like, I'll be honest with you, when you first what you said at first was like, if you feel not sure of yourself, then I was a bit cautious, some people and stuff and not feel exactly. You were already 14 years into this. That was the big difference. Yeah, that's why when objectively, other people saw like you're experiencing the results. So this doesn't add up. And I think what you just mentioned now, but asking somebody else who has a bit of domain knowledge and a bit of merit in this department, am I acting in line with how it should be acting or my way, way lower than that? That's a really great way.

Ben McAdam 11:00
Yeah, and just to give the listener a heads up, it's like, that's the piece of advice that works. But your imposter syndrome and your sense of being a fraud is going to like skyrocket until that person answers in a non judgmental way. So like, mentally prepare yourself emotionally prepare yourself, like you're gonna feel really awful, potentially. But that's why that's one of the lead dominoes there is just trying to feel

Itamar Marani 11:27
awful. Like, while you're asking this, because it's such a nerve wracking question to ask whether it's going to validate your fears or not.

Ben McAdam 11:33
Exactly, yeah, because the imposter syndrome would be is trying to protect you from getting found out as a fraud. Or like that's that's how it seems like you're gonna ask someone Am I a fraud?

Itamar Marani 11:47
I do want to ask you something. Because I just literally remember this when we had our, our initial call to the application call to the arena. I remember you cussed me out. Because you said some blog post made like made something clicked for you, from a blog post. Itamar that go to hell. I don't remember what that blog post was. But I remember it really upset you that it like it made something click and I'm wondering what it is that that clicked for you? And you're like, oh, this might actually be what's going on here. Yeah. And that can help people kind of identify things.

Ben McAdam 12:17
Yeah, yep. And just to clarify, that was an affectionate way I was doing

Itamar Marani 12:24
an Australian thing I've learned whenever it cost me out. There's it's a weird way of affection.

Ben McAdam 12:29
Yeah, exactly. Damn, your your pleasure, right. Let's see which particular blog post was it. I remember the lightening the load point was really helpful. There was a lot of stuff in there that you've incorporated and other things in your in your content and your opt ins and things. Of Yeah, sorry, I can't remember which blog post was. I don't

Itamar Marani 13:01
like to move on from that though. All right. So please walk us through this is how you can identify how what was your personal journey and overcoming that? And really kind of shutting yourself off of that. That wait.

Ben McAdam 13:13
Yeah, so I think it started with like, I was tired of trying to fix this problem and not being fixed. I was tired of my life not being at the level that I wanted it to be at. I was tired of the all the symptoms of it, like the other constant anxiety worry. It's got to change which was helpful to have that rock bottom moment or whatever, you might call it like this. I don't want to do this anymore. You know. For me, it was so sorry, this is you know, how did I move through this? How do I how do I get past this stuff? That was the question.

Itamar Marani 14:00
Yeah, but I think it's a valid point where you're saying like First off, you decided enough was enough that that has to be the starting point. You got a place where you're like, This is just not acceptable.

Ben McAdam 14:09
Yeah, yeah. So that was one piece it's like you know, I don't want to do this anymore. So that then made me comfortable enough to expose myself to your content like read through your blog post. And a couple of friends had been telling me I need to bend you know, friends that know me really well and worked through like when you need to work with it in my you need to have a conversation with Mr. He will fix this stuff. And it took a while. Having that I've had enough moment. made me go check out your blog. And like, you know, baby steps fighting against the imposter syndrome. It felt like I was I had this big weight on my back or like a bungee cord attached to the wall behind me and I was trying to walk and it was really, really hard. And so baby steps help. So reading the blog posts or signing up for the email list, doing the lightening the load many calls, pointed out that there is a way to fix this. It is something that can be fixed. And it gave me it made a difference. Like I

Itamar Marani 15:20
said, I'm sorry, that's really interesting. So what you're saying is that, before, you didn't think there was a way to fix this, you were just like, this is just something I'm gonna have to live with.

Ben McAdam 15:29
Well, I had given up after trying all those things I've given up on thinking that there's a solution out there. And yeah, so I realized that there was something that could help. And like, there was some advice in the blog post in the mini course, that I opted into that I implemented and it helped on my end, it gave me so much hope that like, oh, you can you can get past this, you can defeat these things, your life, you know, this doesn't have to be a permanent part of your life, like having brown eyes, for example, like you put context on, but you can actually change your eye color. And it's something you have to accept if you don't like it. But like this mindset stuff, and this imposter syndrome stuff, like you can work through it, it is actually possible. And then, and, and what I did, it's like, not only give me hope, so I started trying, you know, thinking that yes, I'm going to invest in a solution, I'm going to do something, it was something that

Itamar Marani 16:32
sorry, if I may, I just wanna say that. That's amazing. I never knew that. I knew that. That's where you were that you had given up on this. And you didn't think it was possible. And I think honestly, just like, I'm so happy with this podcast, in case there's anybody else out there who gets kind of lost hope on I just think this is something that they have to accept and and how their life will be. Yeah, just that it's like it's worth this episode and waiting goals. Yeah. Very glad we clarify that. Yes. It's,

Ben McAdam 17:02
it's a big, big thing. Yeah, absolutely. Definitely. Sorry, I

Itamar Marani 17:06
was interrupting you, though. Please go ahead.

Ben McAdam 17:07
That's okay. Yeah, definitely good to underscore for people that like if you've tried all the blog posts about trying to get rid of impostor syndrome before and it hasn't worked, or you've tried a therapist, and it hasn't worked?

Yeah, it's just, it is something you can fix. So yes, that that gave me hope. And I started like taking action again.

And so reading more blog posts, and I reached out to you for a call. But I think also, one of the other things that it did apart from getting me to work on it is it also weakened my imposter syndrome, enough that I could take the next step. And so there's an element of snowball metaphor about dealing with this stuff. I feel like I'm at the fun part of the snowball metaphor, where it's like, there's the big snowball, and it's a little bit unstoppable now, which is good. It has it has momentum, but like at the beginning, it's like, there's, there's baby steps, you got to like, roll that snowball down. And it doesn't seem to be making much progress, but it enables the next step. And then, you know, you can take bigger and bigger steps and work on the harder and harder deeper and deeper aspects of it. So that's something else I wanted to share with people like, my transformation was pretty rapid. And, but that's not to say that, like, it was like large, big easy steps from the very beginning. It was definitely a snowball thing, very small snowball at the beginning, and then like that, that thing became a monster. Does that make sense?

Itamar Marani 18:52
And it does. And it's so interesting, because honestly, this is not at all what I was expecting to talk about today. But I think it's, yeah, no, but it's so powerful. Because I think it's such a big thing for a lot of people first off recognizing that they don't have to surrender that this is just a reality. Shanga I didn't know that people like that was a situation for a lot of people and probably is. And the second thing you're saying is that you can take small steps as well. It's like it doesn't have to be this binary all or nothing, I'm going to figure out this one silver bullet, and it's going to solve everything magically. But just there's a way to take small steps and every time you take one step, you can take the next step and then you have enough strength and momentum to take the next steps and so on and so on and so on. So you had enough momentum and then you joined the program. That's when you made like a giant jump. So what actually happened there, take us there. Okay, so what helped you and what could help other people so to speak,

Ben McAdam 19:51
okay, so they were, there was a lot of things that I got from the arena and a lot of ways that it helps me. We will be four Ever if I don't focus it on the imposter syndrome?

So I think the question that really helped. One of the questions that really helped is this idea of actually, no, I'll leave. I'll leave that point till afterwards. Let me come back to the the point I mentioned earlier about. There were other people on the call. And you asked me some questions that brought out the fact of what I do know, motions, and I was like, really good that you were able to keep me just to the facts. And then having the other people on the court, sorry, God.

Itamar Marani 20:49
Do you remember how he did that?

Ben McAdam 20:51
I do, I'm leading up to that. It was really powerful. And having the other people on the call, other business owners, varying levels, varying industries, varying countries, and backgrounds, look at those objective facts. And say, until I confirm, that, like, how I should think of myself is a lot higher than, than than I am, that the gap there, it became so obvious. And it's something that I keep coming back to. So I took lots of notes during that call. And I, at least once a month, open up that Google Doc and read that section of what we did, because it's so powerful. And so the concept was externalizing. Instead of saying, you know, thinking about myself, it was what what you advise me to do, and it's worked really well is, you know, I was calling myself a profits coach, and it was profits coach Beck's or someone like Ben, not Ben, we're not, we're not talking about Ben, you're gonna advise someone that's got these traits. Let's just ask a couple of questions. And to just to clarify what those traits are that this person has, like, Okay, now advise that person, what they should be doing, what they should be charging, who they should be talking to all that kind of stuff. And so depersonalized,

Itamar Marani 22:14
I want to clarify this just for a second just for the audience. So what we did here, we really flushed out, like, who this bad person kind of is, who is profits? Coaches, if you take off the emotional partner who says, Okay, what are his accomplishments? What are his achievements? Where are the results he gets for clients? What is his reputation, clients enjoy working with him? Do they not? And so on, and so on? Also, like, what are his traits? Is he a dependable person? Is he an honest person, and so on and so on? Then we were able to objectively look at this kind of resume almost, and say, How should this kind of person conduct himself in the world, both in business and in personal life? And that's really what that crux of the exercise was.

Ben McAdam 22:53
Yeah, yep. And yeah, it was really powerful. And then the last piece, because we were, this was in the context of tackling How much should that person charge? is like all the question

Itamar Marani 23:07
before? Yeah. Because I know that it's powerful to do. But I also remember how uncomfortable it was. And whenever I do this, it's very easy to say why why is uncomfortable or just reminisce? Or like, I think it's important to like, look at both sides of the coin. And it's not just this awesome, airy fairy thing, but it is uncomfortable to look at.

Ben McAdam 23:25
Oh, yes, absolutely. It is very uncomfortable. And I'm glad it wasn't the first thing we did on the first call of the arena, because I wasn't ready at that point. I wasn't comfortable in front of the group wasn't comfortable with you? Well, it's I think the fundamental thing about impostor syndrome, or one of the big things about it, is that it's a belief thing versus a facts thing. And it can defeat facts. In a lot of cases, when you're just thinking to yourself, like, Okay, I've got this great result for a client immediately. It's overwritten as that was a fluke. Or it's, or it's or it's minimized in some way of like, oh, yeah, but I had this other client where I didn't get such an amazing result for them, or something like it's always like noticing being present in the moment and separating like, what are the facts? And then what's the reaction from your imposter syndrome? Like how it interprets those facts? staying present and believing those facts, and and I don't know, it was like, it was a big uncomfortable struggle to sit with them and not automatically minimize.

Itamar Marani 24:48
Yeah, so basically, person X is one of the most aggressive intervention tools I use. It is an intervention tool. It's literally saying, This is what you think of yourself, like, people don't think they're alcohol. Liquid? No, no, no, your whole family's gonna send you an alcohol. It's similar to that. This is what you think. Right? So but this was actually going on seeing that in front of you in such clear. That's why I opened I didn't ask you just to talk about we actually wrote it down, Doc and we share screen with everyone Yes, because I wanted this to be there like in front of you so you could see it. I think that's okay, so let's go further. Wow, I might need to change my worldview here. Yeah, what I've been going on off off of isn't the truth.

Ben McAdam 25:28
Yes, actually, it's very interesting, you use the alcoholic thing in there. As, as an example, I like it. Oddly, I feel like it had the same amount of discomfort and guilt and shame. Or, you know, some negative emotions that I had been behaving the way I had behaving when all these facts are in front of me like, this is the kind of person that I am. I have been charging so little, my family has been deprived of a better quality of life that I could have had if I had been charging the right amount if I hadn't been acting as if I'm not quite the person that I am. I think there was some some regret and some negative things that were with it that I had to face as well. It was like, yeah, it was when you asked me the question earlier, like, it was uncomfortable right now. But I can say yes. But like trying to get specific about the uncomfortable feelings is really hard, because there were many, they all kind of blend together. It's hard to pick one of them out of the soup.

Itamar Marani 26:41
What you're saying is there it's that realization that you are not asking how you should? Not how you want. Yeah, oh, and this is really big. So that's like, finally really get into the meat of it. What happened from there, like, keep taking us through?

Ben McAdam 26:56
Okay, so that was the big one. And that person X exercise has been something that used with me as well now one on one coaching, because it works really well. For me and for defeating my impostor syndrome. There are other things that were really helpful is this idea that you shared in the arena of, okay, here's what you want, like, you know, worked out what do you want? And then who's the person you need to become? In order to achieve that? Or what kind of a person achieves those goals? What do you need to do differently? What are the rules that you would make decisions by what are the things you would do or not do? What are the values you would hold OR, or NOT focus on all those things gave me a blueprint of what life on the other side of impostor syndrome looked like. Which was, you know, it's helpful to have a light at the end of the tunnel for like, you know, hope, you know, whenever you slogging through something emotionally difficult. But it was also a gave me a kind of a benchmark for me to see, am I making progress as fast as I would like, and if I'm not making progress, like that's a sign that, you know, there's more to dig into here. And need to do about it. And it gave me clarity as well. It made it so obvious between the person X exercise and the Who do I need to be, or what kind of a person could achieve what I want to achieve? It was just so much clarity, as opposed to the fog of impostor syndrome and the minimizing of the fact and like, misdirection and procrastination and all the kinds of stuff that happens. That clarity was really powerful.

Itamar Marani 28:46
Yeah, that's great to hear. And I think, to kind of just encapsulate all that, a lot of times, I think people don't see success, trying to deal with basically creating a new version of themselves. So you call that a transformation to deal with like transforming into a new person. Because if they only try sometimes out success and success, to kind of remove the constraints that the blocks they have, but they also don't clarify what the new version is supposed to be. So they don't know what they need to move towards once they don't have whatever is holding them back, holding back. So they're just kind of stuck in this no man's land office, and they've gave it they've maybe shed their old identity, but they haven't clarified with the new identity they're trying to pursue is, so they're just stuck there. And then they end up reverting back to that old identity just because it's familiar. Yeah,

Ben McAdam 29:35
absolutely. The example that I see in coaching my clients is, they told me the goal is to sell the business one day. And then I'm like, Okay, you want to sell that business in 12 months or 24 months, great. This is the plan we're going to do to get there. And when they start getting close to it, they're like, I could do this for another three months. You know, grow my business a bit bigger. or, and some have a bit more, I could do this for another six months or 12 months or whatever it is like they don't pull the trigger on the thing that they said that it's important to them. And there's an element of like, yes, recalibrating your goals when when when you get close to them is okay. But for a couple of people, they didn't decide to list they actually list their business, they didn't pull the trigger on that. And I said, you know, we went through a deep exercise of like, what does your life look like afterwards. And this is, one of them was me post going through the arena. And I had better tools that I could use to do that. To help them through that. And it's something that is in like, you know, the Bible of the online business world, like The Four Hour Workweek, it's like, you've got to build a picture about what your life looks like after you retire. Otherwise, you never will, I think was the way Tim Ferriss phrased it in there. Like, if you don't know what it looks like, you'll stay in the comfortable and the familiar. And so yeah, it was really helpful for me to have that helped to build the picture of Ben, and what he looks like. Because I can all day I could do, you know, the spreadsheet daydreaming thing of like, this is how much revenue I want to make. And so therefore, it's this many clients at this price. And I have to do these different marketing metrics and things. But I had no toolkit for doing that, on the personal side, like the values and the how I would make my decisions. And, and that kind of piece. So that was really helpful, just kind of in general, but also for getting through the imposter syndrome.

Itamar Marani 31:43
I want to say this is so interesting, I've learned a lot actually, in this episode. I was thinking it's gonna go an entirely different way. And we we talked about, from a more technical perspective how like what we did, and what's his cause this and then this exercise or that exercise. And really what you've talked about in the case of this is such an emotional thing and talking about the emotional process of getting yourself to first get going by saying that enough is enough. Like saying this is I don't like this situation. I don't accept that anymore. And then what gave you the emotional permission to say, okay, maybe this is valid to change, when there was that intervention and people around you saying this doesn't make sense. And then finally, what gave you the courage to make the leap into the new EU by clarifying what that new EU is as being in law. And I think it's such an interesting archive, saying, We've got over it my first again, recognizing that you're not accepting it, then having some kind of emotional understanding that this isn't actually what needs to be it's not relevant. And then find out okay, what do I actually want? And then let me step into that.

Ben McAdam 32:48
That'd be Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I, I'm kind of glad that we went this way. Now that I think about it. Because I mean, you can give people the the steps to follow like, oh, all these exercises are not intellectually complicated. They're meant I had, they're emotionally complicated. Yeah, exactly. And for some of them, you, you do need somebody else, you can't do this on your own, you need someone who's really good at that. And that's why the Rena was really powerful for me and that one on one coaching. And I'm not just saying this to try and sell your coaching or anything, but it's amazing, and everyone should buy it.

There, the reason why I was helpful is because there's somebody on the other side, and that's you like, as you said, like you opened a Google Doc, and you type down all of these facts about profits coach x, or someone like Ben, he typed it all out, it was there in front of my face. And you saw that there was necessary, if I had read in a blog post that like, here's the tools, I probably wouldn't have been able to do it on my own. Like, you know, you need to help a kid if you want to go faster, like, like,

Itamar Marani 34:06
I want to, I want to, there's something interesting what you said, I would have I expected you to say I probably wouldn't have done it, guys, one of them, because we read the things we were actually doing. But you said I wouldn't have been able to. What do you mean by that you wouldn't been able to do it on your own.

Ben McAdam 34:23
So I am a very intelligent guy. And thanks to this work, I'm able to actually say that on a vodka so I'm a very intelligent guy. So I can figure pretty much anything out. If not on very little information. I can learn fast, like all the bits and pieces from there. So what defeats me is and what was defeating me with impostor syndrome, is the emotional stuff. So if you had given me the tools like yeah, I probably could have done it. Run with it intellectually like the person next exercise is very, very simple. We can walk people through it. And maybe it might be helpful to do that anyway. So that they could do. They could do it or as they listen. But if you don't tackle the emotional side of things, people will listen to this episode go, oh, yeah, that sounds really good. You know, that makes logical sense. I like the way I can see that it'll definitely be helpful. I'll do that later. People listening to podcasts might be like exercising or walking. They're like, okay, cool, I will block out some time on my calendar. And I'll do that later. And then mysteriously, the time doesn't get blocked out in the calendar, they get distracted. And like, that's, that's the way to defeat you know, if we were having a mental battle, the way to defeat me, is not giving me a problem I can't solve because like, you give me a complicated problem, and I'm going to be excited about it. It's like, distraction, misdirection, all this emotional stuff. And, and so I want to make sure that I highlight that for people, because if we did, just give them the exercise, they wouldn't do it. And so, if there were anything, like I was,

Itamar Marani 36:16
I think this is great, man. We'll wrap it up, because there's resources for that, that I offer, how to do this exercise. And again, you'll find them somewhere in the show notes below and the links around this video. But yeah, I think it's just a great segue into anything. Any final words? You want to say? Any advice for people who feel this kind of pinch?

Ben McAdam 36:36
Yeah, absolutely. I want to underscore baby steps. Take the baby steps. If you get used to taking something, a little step that's a little uncomfortable, you get used to the discomfort and it just like it snowballs from there. And it's, it's amazing. I also want to add something that I'm not sure what would be the best point to fit this in the episode has like for me, one of my big signs, like I said, misdirection and distraction is the way to defeat me. So what that manifests as is, if you know it, Maura and I are on a coaching call or on the arena calls, or I'm talking to anybody really, if my brain starts going blank, if like, because I'm used to have certain biases, my thoughts, I'm thinking about what the person just said, I'm thinking about what I'm about to say, I'm thinking about the words coming out of my mouth, you know, we're all we all got this little buzzer thoughts going in our head. And for me when that goes quiet, and I have trouble remembering what the person just said, I'm like, Aha, aha, I see you in Boston. What they just said, must be really super duper valuable and exactly what I need to hear because I can't remember that that was

Itamar Marani 37:52
kind of, and all sudden, you're not. Yeah,

Ben McAdam 37:56
exactly. Yeah, that was, that was one of the signs for me. It's like, Aha, there's something super valuable. And I started getting excited when my brain goes blank. Now I get I get excited. doesn't happen as often. But when it does, I'm like, Oh, this is something big. And like, Which reminds me, if it ever says to you, can I challenge you on this? Or can I? Can I asked you something? Like you always say yes. It might be painful, what he's gonna say, potentially, but like, it's gonna be good. It's gonna be the good stuff. So yeah.

Itamar Marani 38:30
And honestly, yeah, it was my, like, something that made me feel uncomfortable during this podcast, is when you said that we were actually on that mastermind. And you felt like, Oh, this guy is gonna see through me. It made me really recognize man. Yeah, that was I think a younger that was a younger me, whose main purpose was probably to see the truth instead of helping people more so. And then Ben should have felt like I really, this guy really wants to see what's going on. So you can help me that wasn't move set. Like now. That's my focus, like to help to see things and people but in order to really help and do it from like, a great place, not just a place of me being able to see things and feeling good about myself. And being able to call motion.

Ben McAdam 39:13
Yes, I felt like it was more you're more direct and to the point like, here's a problem. Here's the solution, like right to it with

Itamar Marani 39:22
me clarifying the truth not about me wanting to help. And that's why I was doing it a different way.

Ben McAdam 39:30
Yes, I didn't know I want to challenge you on that point. For me the perspective wasn't that you're pointing out like here's how you suck. It was just like there was probably just needed a bit more cushioning. Before you tell people the truth. They needed to hear that that was basically it. And like your was always a helpful thing. Yeah, it was always a helpful thing. But it was just Yeah, I was deep in my imposter syndrome. Oh my god. It was It was terrifying. Like, oh, no, it's right and there was a meal was on that call as well as on that mastermind call. And same thing. Like you guys are so clear, and it was something that I aspired to and I respect it and I want it to be like that and I'm working on it. But I made my imposter syndrome to run away run just none of that

Itamar Marani 40:26
Alright, Ben, I want to say a big thank you for being on the show and sharing it and it took such a different route but I think such a better route than what I had planned for. And I was happy. Thank you for that.

Ben McAdam 40:36
No worries. It was a pleasure.

Itamar Marani 40:39
See you guys on the next episode.