“What will others think?… What does this say about me?… And does this mean I’m a failure?”
Sometimes we know that the effective long term thing to do will require us to take a momentary dip. But we resist leaning into it because of fears around what others will think and what we’ll think of ourselves.
In today’s episode we share a 1:1 coaching session Itamar had with a client. The client is a public figure in his field so for privacy sake we have distorted the client’s voice and removed his name.
If you’re struggling to do what intellectually you know would serve future you, listen in. Enjoy this first installment of “The Coaching Series”
Itamar Marani 0:00
Having the courage to sometimes admit that we need to take a step backwards in order to really go forward is sometimes the hardest part of our entrepreneur journey. And today's podcast is a special one. So we're doing the first episode of the coaching series. In this coaching series, you will hear me actually coaching my real life clients to see how this process works. And also, so you can get realizations say, Okay, this happened to them, and this how they're dealing with it, maybe I can do the same. Now, for today's episode, the guest will remain anonymous, we have blurred amount on the video. And if you're listening within the pod, we have distorted his name. And we're using the fake alias of Jeff, because he does have a successful seven figure business and he wants to remain anonymous. Now with that said, Success is sometimes that difference from what we see on the outside and how it actually is on the inside. And in today's episode, we'll be talking about why sometimes it's very difficult to take a step backwards, even when we know it's the exact right thing to do, and why that kind of pressure creates a sense of overwhelm. And it's that doesn't actually need to be there. But there's a simple reality of what we need to do the music is that backwards. And if we have the courage to do that, we can really go forward. So enjoy today's episode, guys, this is part one of the coaching series.
Itamar Marani 1:07
So here's what I want to talk to you about. I think, first off, can I can I coach you a bit? A bit directly today. It's called Grace pleased. Okay. So I think I can see the primary constraint on what's really holding you back from being able to do certain things that you know, and I feel like you know, it too, but it's a difficult thing to do, and you're having a hard time working around it. And that's kind of what I want to talk about today. Okay. Okay. Okay. So I think the primary constraint, what's in what's not enabling you, or causing you to not be able to think strategically and focus and just to also have more calm, the more calm to be able to do that is how you call the lifestyle pressure. Would that be accurate? Yep. Can I ask you a question? How much of this is also pressure that you feel the missus won't be comfortable backing down from the lifestyle, or the kiddos or whatever it may be, like, there's going to be a need for family to accept that there's going to be a dip.
Jeff 2:20
So that's certainly part of it. The other party's man, which I haven't shared with you yet, but as only really become more clear to me very recently is kind of with the the lifestyles part of it. But it's actually more, it's actually more of the business. In the sense that the model is pretty flawed. We spent a lot of money and a lot of cash last year trying to grow and trying to scale. And we brought it and we hadn't had a new author. When I came to Thailand, that third party and I'm disengaged. And we've made decisions, hiring staff, bringing people on bringing setters on bring salespeople on, like, get just spending a heap of dough, and then pull the pin. And so we've kind of dug us off a bit of a hole financially in the business. Yeah. And so there, that's probably where the most pressure comes from. Because it's like this constant monkey on my back where expenses are higher than an income each week. And then I've got to somehow poor sales out of my ass. Yeah. Which I've done for some time. But now I can just really see and go, Fuck, like, this isn't going to work long term, I kind of keep living like this. This is stressful. Yeah. The lifestyle definitely needs to be addressed or so by needs to be looked at. You. You're right. Like, you're definitely clear. But I think that's secondary to the first one, which is the business. Okay.
Itamar Marani 4:03
And let me ask this in a theoretical world. Because the thing is, the business is what supports the lifestyle financially. And I feel like you're probably saying there's a pressure to keep the business going, because it needs to keep going. So it can also support this. And in a theoretical world where, let's say, everybody in your family and also you were completely on board with it, like it's gonna be okay, we're gonna take a bit of a different lifestyle, but it doesn't mean anything bad. It actually means we're doing the smart thing because we're having to, like, slow down this business because it's not working and pivot to something that's much more lucrative and long term. We're gonna have to accept this short term dip instead to go up. Would you be more free to do it? Because for me, it sounds like what are they? Well, what
Jeff 4:45
sorry, more free
Itamar Marani 4:47
to give yourself permission to do that because I feel like you know, internally like this business models got to change and we can do something better. You know, you're capable of something better. It's just what I see with a lot of people is That what stops them from like where they are right now to go into the next level is that they have to accept that it's going to there's going to be a dip, you have to make a momentary sacrifice for the long term good. You know what I mean? And for most people, and again, really hard, both from like a sense of like ego, and sometimes from a sense of external pressure, like they have bills, or they have like, people that expect certain things of them, whatever it may be.
Jeff 5:22
So that's definitely really hard for my ego. It feels like failure.
Itamar Marani 5:27
It's not a normal process. That's the thing, man,
Jeff 5:30
intellectually, I get that intellectually, I know I go. That's why it's smart. This is what you need to do to get ahead. But then there's a part of me that goes, no, like, you need to be able to have it or make it all happen. And so you go, please go.
Itamar Marani 5:48
I think it's the more courageous thing to do. Here's what I mean by that. I think it's, it's very scary. And it requires a lot of courage to say, you know, what, something that I did, for a long time, I put a lot of effort and I put myself out there, I did my best. It didn't work. And I can own that as a man and accept, like, Okay, we're gonna have to readjust. Like, that's true leadership, whether it's in the business or in the, for the family as well. You know what I mean? And that's nothing to really be aware of, it's not your your thumb that you think about this as a failure. I think this is really where you get to display courage and leadership. It's like, for powerlifting example, like, I'm sure you see this in the powerlifting gyms, where somebody doesn't want to go down and wait to correct his form. So we can really go up. Total, it's this similar thing here. It doesn't mean that like somebody who stops like when you see this in powerlifting, somebody's like, going down a way to correct this form and do it the right way. Like that's a smart dude. Correct?
Jeff 6:46
totally mad again, intellectually, I get that. I see that. And I know that. Yeah, I mean, I get a sense after this call, I'll have to sit with it. And I'll probably agree. Yeah, which is good.
Itamar Marani 7:02
Here's the thing, man, that's why requires courage. That's what I'm saying. It's like you're going to have, it's not going to feel nice. There's no way around it, that you're taking that dip, we can reframe it a lot and say, Okay, you can be proud of yourself because you're doing the right thing, and so on, and so on. And there's a lot of good stuff from that. But the reality is, there's still going to be a part of it, that doesn't feel nice. You're gonna be like, it's not going to feel nice, being able to hold still, like needing to tell the missus this. And we're going to take this dip right now or need to tell some of the staff like, Listen, this isn't what we're doing anymore. So maybe your job is irrelevant, or whatever it may be. It's not going to feel nice, there's no way around it. That's courage, though. And I think it's something to recognize that like, if you can, the more you can accept that, the easier it is to go with it and accept that it's not that you're doing something wrong. It's just it's it's part of the process. Like nobody goes like this, you know what I mean? We all know that. But like accepting these dips, that's what enables us to be great. And that's why he needs courage. Like it's going to be hard it's going to be uncomfortable, but That's where courage comes into play. And that's where you can look back at this in 10 years like I was courageous enough to do it even though I didn't fully emotionally embody I knew it intellectually, but I didn't fully feel alive with it, but it was the right thing. So I chose courage and he did it anyway. And I think that's where you can look back at with a ton of pride
Jeff 8:19
yeah
so what I'm hearing is we need to be more frugal with the lifestyle cut back with things to reduce the pressure that I have on myself.
Itamar Marani 8:35
Yeah, and I think you have to have this as a very I'm going to assume by what I'm hearing from you that this hasn't been a tremendous the open and clear conversations to Mrs yet right.
Jeff 8:45
Simon you cut out you said you're going to assume this hasn't been something?
Itamar Marani 8:49
Yes, I'm going to assume that this hasn't been a super clear and transparent open conversation with the missus Zack correct
Jeff 8:59
when you say this, what do you mean
Itamar Marani 9:01
that we're gonna have to take a dip and it's gonna be a bit uncomfortable both our egos are gonna go down a little bit. And that's just the price of doing things the right way. This is part of life it's part of the game and it doesn't mean that we're bad people it doesn't mean that we were stupid it doesn't mean that our ego should take a hit
Jeff 9:19
i i feel like i don't have real buy in there yeah, yeah because I've talked about it and I've mentioned it but I've never like I've my personal finances I have in in good order our family finances we don't we kind of just we we both have that kind of if I want it then I get it tight and mentality we both are pretty good money for some time. And so you know she's got really good money in the past. So she's like, I want to I just get it so we just do that. Which I know is against our you know, isn't in line with what we want long term. Do I think I can get her on the same page. that Yes. Yeah, I'm gonna it's gonna take some leadership on my part, I guess. Yeah. And then that thing, there's part of me that doesn't want to let my family down, you know, and then there's part of me that wants to provide and, you know, enjoys a nice lifestyle and all those things.
Itamar Marani 10:18
Can I offer a different perspective on that?
Jeff 10:20
Yeah, please.
Itamar Marani 10:22
I think and it's really that knowing you a little bit now, I think your family, like the kiddos, the wife, everyone will be much better served by having an Jeff, who's more at peace, and more calm and more able to be present, because he's not stressed out about the finances and the business being tight. And then just having a bit of a better lifestyle, like an external lifestyle, stuff, whatever it may be.
Jeff 10:47
And it's still like, we're gonna say lifestyle anyway, right? Like, we're gonna act like,
Itamar Marani 10:52
you're not gonna be eating tuna cans, you know what I mean? It's like, and so the recognize, though, and also for the family, I think you're not letting them down. I think for the kids, you're setting a phenomenal example of like, Guys, something's a mature thing to do. And sometimes things are hard. And we our egos take a hit. But we know if it's the right thing to do we do it. And I think that's setting a tremendous example for the kiddos to be like, Hey, this is this is what I did. This is how the world works. Sometimes we can ignore reality, because then it's going to hurt us.
Jeff 11:23
Yeah. Yeah, got it. Okay.
Itamar Marani 11:32
Yeah, I feel like that's really the main constraint, like once that you're at peace with and you've made peace
Jeff 11:38
definitely, is definitely them creating the most friction and pressure. And it's keeping me in short term scarcity focused mindset. Which makes it like you said, Exactly, it makes it really difficult to plan long term strategically, like it makes it near impossible. Now, because it's always focused on today and this week, and yeah,
Itamar Marani 11:59
yeah. So think think about this, like the like a future where in two months from now, you have this kind of like vacuum of pressure. You've downgraded some of the things in the lifestyle, the missus is on board with this, you guys understand there's going to be some unpleasant consequences of downgrading, but all of a sudden, you have Jeff, there has a ton of bandwidth. Now, where does that end up in a year from now?
Jeff 12:27
Yeah, to completely different place.
Itamar Marani 12:29
Yeah. So that's the thing, man, it's just like accepting this.
Jeff 12:34
This guy, if I can go in this way, I'm on the precipice of losing it at all. You know, it's like, it's like a pride roping over the next few years. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Okay.
Itamar Marani 12:46
And you're better than that. Like, I'll say it straight up. You're better than that. You're better than acting out of fear and just doing the tightrope because it's uncomfortable. Like you're better than that, man.
Jeff 12:56
Thank you, man.
Itamar Marani 12:58
Yeah, and it's something to recognize it's not a failure. It's not that you failed it just like you learn. And this is your opportunity to really be great to say like, Okay, we had something that like, instead of treading water, which is what some mediocre people try to do, I'm gonna be great here. I'm gonna choose courage. I'm gonna Excel, there's going to be a dip. But that dip is gonna allow me to go like this. And that's going to be a part of my story looking back that I'll be really proud of, because I knew it was hard. I wasn't fully aligned with it or comfortable, but I knew it was the right thing. So I did it anyway.
Jeff 13:28
Got it. Got it. Man. Thank you so much. That's really helpful.
Itamar Marani 13:34
pleasure, man. Pleasure. Yeah, I just I saw that like in the worksheets and remember, there was like something here is not adding up because I feel like this is what the main thing is, and it wasn't being focused as if it was the main thing. I just wanted to bring it up on.
Jeff 13:48
Thank you, man. I really appreciate it. Man, have a good day. Bye. Bye.
