“I Can Do Things Regardless of How I Feel” W/Ry Hickey | Elite Performance Podcast #51

00:00:00:02 - 00:00:23:01
Ry Hickey
I just had a number of delayed internal shifts. The biggest one was that you can take action regardless of how you feel. And that was so simple, but it was really this pivotal revelation that I had that has just continued to serve me. So I'm not going to blow smoke up anybody's ass, but I'm progressing in the direction that I want to go.

00:00:23:07 - 00:00:28:01
Itamar Marani
Do you think there's something inside you still that feels like you have to justify ambition with wanting to change the world?

00:00:28:01 - 00:00:39:06
Ry Hickey
Well, that's kind of an all or nothing approach to that. I'm an ambitious guy, and I know there's one thing for certain. I'm not going to be happy ever going back to a 9 to 5 type of thing.

00:00:39:07 - 00:00:49:15
Itamar Marani
All right. So welcome to today's podcast, everyone. Today we have Ry, Ry, I'd love for you to open up just with what's the before, what's after, both on an external level and on an internal level.

00:00:49:17 - 00:01:20:14
Ry Hickey
Born after external, internal from the arena. So yeah, I would say when I came to you in Amara, I was in a pretty tough spot. I think you saw that in the first couple of calls. I was in a pretty low point, just struggling to take action. In a lot of ways. It was like I knew that I wanted to do this, you know, have this pursuit with my business.

00:01:20:14 - 00:01:48:12
Ry Hickey
And I was just stuck. And I also knew that it wasn't on a fundamental business level. It was more of the emotional roadblock level. And having listened do your podcast and just followed you and your emails for probably a year or more leading up to that, I, I just, I knew what the investment was and I knew that you were my guy.

00:01:48:12 - 00:02:10:14
Ry Hickey
I kind of had you in my mind for like quite a few months thinking like when it when the time is right, this is what we're going to pull the trigger on. And the the after was just I mean, I was struggling the tangible external stuff before was just yeah. Struggling to make ends meet with my business and scraping by.

00:02:10:14 - 00:02:37:07
Ry Hickey
I was only about a year, not even a year into going back off on my own since consulting for another coaching company after the arena. Yeah, I just had a number of delayed internal shifts and the biggest one was probably just the thing that you really helped me realize that you can you can take action regardless of how you feel.

00:02:37:09 - 00:03:01:01
Ry Hickey
And that was it's so simple, but it was really this pivotal revelation that I had that has just continued to serve me. So, I mean, I pretty soon after, I think I had at least doubled my my business, my revenue, which was it's not I'm not killing it by any means. I'm just a coach trying to make should happen out here.

00:03:01:01 - 00:03:28:02
Ry Hickey
I'm not going to blow smoke up anybody's ass, but I'm I'm progressing in the direction that I want to go. I'm, you know, and the more so the internal stuff that has really shifted and helped me recognize that, okay, if I'm playing the long term game here, I can do this. I know I can do this. I have the fundamental skills and self-awareness to make it happen.

00:03:28:04 - 00:03:45:22
Itamar Marani
It's awesome and at all levels. So dig in to that because this is really interesting what you said that you can take action regardless of how you feel. Now. Why that's so interesting for context, like everyone listening and you're extremely well-educated, I think you also studied psychology and some. Correct?

00:03:46:01 - 00:03:46:19
Ry Hickey
Mm hmm.

00:03:46:21 - 00:04:08:00
Itamar Marani
Yeah. If there was somebody that was coming from never having any awareness around this stuff, and then they would have come to that realization big. Okay, cool. That makes sense. What do you think, though? The messaging from the outside world or whatever it is that got in your way from seeing that this whole time? Like what? Tell you otherwise that your emotions should dictate your actions?

00:04:08:02 - 00:04:38:04
Ry Hickey
Poof. That's a great question. And my I would say my I don't know. I don't know for sure if I were to guess, I would think that it's just a such is the case with so many aspects of who we are as people in the moment. It's just a massive can I swear.

00:04:38:06 - 00:04:39:07
Itamar Marani
Go for it.

00:04:39:09 - 00:05:32:23
Ry Hickey
It's a massive clusterfuck of like variables, right. That we we want to be able to as humans we, we are so wired to want to categorize, label, explain and in reality we're just it's far more rational I think, to just describe what's, what's factual. So I don't really know to answer your question. I think it's just a variety of reinforcement and perhaps you know, sort of interrelation between genetics and conditioning from my parents and observation and modeling all the stuff that we know exists within the development of a human brain and and body.

00:05:32:23 - 00:05:51:13
Ry Hickey
It's like I just sort of learn to to think if I feel a certain way, then it means I don't have to or shouldn't rather take action in this regard. And I would lose sight of what I really want. You know.

00:05:51:15 - 00:05:54:12
Itamar Marani
Take more of that. What do you mean by that? I lose sight of what I really want.

00:05:54:14 - 00:06:27:15
Ry Hickey
I would trivialize. I can trivialize. It's like the it almost is like the I don't know for sure. I do consider myself reasonably well read. There's certainly I'm somewhere along the spectrum. I'm not on either side of the extreme, but I think past a certain point, the brain can, you know, fairly well read. People can can trivialize their behavior with the best of them.

00:06:27:15 - 00:07:02:15
Ry Hickey
Right. It's I don't think dichotomous so I can masterfully justify something and even describe it in a way that convinces people in front of me and myself. And yet it's just a deviation from what I had initially said. It's basically me. It was me kind of coming up against challenges, emotional challenges that were scary. And I'd find a way to to bail out or yeah, or change my goals.

00:07:02:19 - 00:07:47:12
Ry Hickey
And so my new kind of thinking around that is like, you know, there's, there's a lot of very smart pessimists out there. I don't know if I would consider myself that, but I don't think one is smart. If you find problems to every solution, right? It's someone who strikes me as highly intellectually cool is one who has a clear vision of what they want, understands that there's going to be a variety of problems that occur in pursuit of that and are able to seek solution, be solution oriented along that journey.

00:07:47:13 - 00:07:55:16
Itamar Marani
Yeah, I think there's a saying in Silicon Valley that the pessimists get to be right. The optimists get to be rich.

00:07:55:18 - 00:07:57:17
Ry Hickey
Yeah, it's okay.

00:07:57:19 - 00:08:14:06
Itamar Marani
I think it's easy to be a pessimist is you feel really smart because the reality is in a lot of the things we do in entrepreneurship, most of them are going to be a mess, is going to be just something that have an outsized return. So we can always say, Oh, I feel good about myself because I know this isn't going to work, but it's kind of like pull it back a little bit.

00:08:14:06 - 00:08:33:18
Itamar Marani
The what you were saying. I think it's really interesting because what you were saying and I'm sure this happens, a lot of people, is that you had an initial goal, that you knew why it was important you were attached to it. And then along the way, there was some emotional discomfort. Yeah. What you weren't aware of or able to do back then was, okay, this is the emotional discomfort here.

00:08:33:18 - 00:08:49:12
Itamar Marani
I need to solve this and keep moving forward instead. What happens with most people that you get to that emotional discomfort like, Let me backtrack a little bit. Maybe this goal wasn't actually worth it. And we tell that to ourselves in order to avoid the emotion of this guy.

00:08:49:14 - 00:08:50:22
Ry Hickey
Yeah, exactly.

00:08:50:22 - 00:09:22:07
Itamar Marani
So so this is really interesting because before you got into that, I was thinking from my side, that's what I saw. The biggest shift in you. I think it was a that awareness that we don't have to be victims to our feelings, so to speak, that you can do regardless of how you feel. But second, I think when we started to break down your biggest fears around what if and what will it mean if it doesn't go well, then all of a sudden that courage gap, so to speak, wasn't as big and you were able to execute.

00:09:22:09 - 00:09:25:17
Itamar Marani
Yeah. Does that kind of resonate when you look back at it?

00:09:25:19 - 00:09:57:22
Ry Hickey
For sure. And the funny thing is, is that it's it's not even like I needed a ton of courage. It was just the consistency with the simple things that pay off. You know, it's not like I'm, I don't know. I still kind of, to be honest, grapple with what my ambitions are. I don't know if I need to, like, change the world or be that complete.

00:09:58:00 - 00:10:28:18
Ry Hickey
You know, the ultimate in my industry. Like, I know that on the trajectory that I'm on and just my curious nature and commitment to knowledge acquisition and attempting to implement that information into my practice, I'll inevitably end up somewhere in that elite realm. I think if I just persist and but do I need to change the world? I don't I don't know.

00:10:28:19 - 00:10:35:04
Ry Hickey
But, you know, I do think it's important. Yeah. Please. Please.

00:10:35:06 - 00:10:49:22
Itamar Marani
Do you think there's something inside of you still that feels like you have to justify ambition with wanting to change the world instead of, like, ambition? I just want something big for myself. I want a better life. I want a bigger life. Whatever you want to store my family, whatever it's like. I see hear that a lot. And it's interesting.

00:10:50:00 - 00:11:00:17
Itamar Marani
People think I need to have this big Y about changing the world in order to justify getting big returns. So they're going to say like, I want a bigger life for myself. Perfect about. And I wonder if that's something that.

00:11:00:19 - 00:11:22:17
Ry Hickey
It's a great call. A It's a great call out because you're right that's it's kind of an all or nothing approach to that which does not need to exist. So yeah, no, there's not. And I definitely do have that that ambition for sure. I know I'm a I'm an ambitious guy and I know there's one thing for certain.

00:11:22:17 - 00:11:29:17
Ry Hickey
I'm not going to be happy ever going back to like a 9 to 5 type of thing. You know.

00:11:29:19 - 00:11:43:00
Itamar Marani
I've learned to put it down on it. You can see the reason I'm doing this is because I love to play this game, like you said, Like, I love to keep challenging myself. I like to keep putting things out there. And I know that if I keep playing the game the right way, results will come for me and I can be happy with that.

00:11:43:00 - 00:11:52:06
Itamar Marani
I don't need to change the world, but if I could help enough people to get what they want, you get what you want. It's that simple, true man.

00:11:52:08 - 00:12:15:12
Ry Hickey
And that's the simplicity with which you can say that. And I think that's for me, it's like that habit stuff. I mean, I just kind of I've become quite decent for myself at like self coaching and just writing those things out, which can be, you know, tough at times when you're feeling those emotional roadblocks, which inevitably do pop up still.

00:12:15:14 - 00:12:25:18
Ry Hickey
But to just go through that and you're you're doing the opposite there of like trivializing your pursuit, right? So it's helpful.

00:12:25:20 - 00:12:53:02
Itamar Marani
So I want to pull in that thread because you said something here about your self talking yourself coaching. You mentioned that earlier as well when you recorded a testimonial for us after the program. One of the most fascinating things that you said to me that way, I took it and also I thought it was very like big of you and really, really big of you to own that is that you said that sometimes after the calls there would be a part of you that wanted to be like, This isn't going to work and you would like write an email that like in the draft to me, send me like, this is not going to work

00:12:53:02 - 00:13:14:11
Itamar Marani
because of this, that these are all the reasons. Yeah. And then you would be like, I'm not going to send this email. That's bullshit. But I thought it was first off, so big of you to acknowledge. Like, I think everybody has that resistance on some level, like I skepticism, let's call it not skepticism. That's something that's completely departed from how they've operated the past 30, 40, 50 years, whatever it may be.

00:13:14:13 - 00:13:35:09
Itamar Marani
Yeah, you literally had a practice of writing that down. But then you also you're looking at in the face and saying, no, like this is just my bullshit or let's just hide. So I love for you to talk about like what that was for you, how you went through it, because I think that's such a, it was such a unique thing that you owned because most people, I think, kind of go through it on a level, but they don't own it as fully as that.

00:13:35:09 - 00:13:37:14
Itamar Marani
So I'd love for you to speak a little bit about it.

00:13:37:16 - 00:14:11:18
Ry Hickey
Cool. Yeah, that was a great exercise and funny enough, as a bit of a bit of a deviation from your question, like coming out of that, I think that at least in any significant life, transformational program or coaching, I almost see that that's kind of set the standard. It's like if there's not this disruption occurring in my cognition and my worldview, I've gone through that enough now that I can see that in my own brain.

00:14:11:18 - 00:14:16:11
Ry Hickey
And and I know it's a good thing. It's a good thing to.

00:14:16:17 - 00:14:23:09
Itamar Marani
Kind of rattling the cage a bit or making you feel a bit agitated on some level or a bit disruptive, then it means that actually not challenge you to grow.

00:14:23:11 - 00:15:01:20
Ry Hickey
Is that exactly like I don't want to be I don't want to be in a fucking coaching environment where we're just like patent each other on the back all the time. I don't want to be when I if I hire someone and it's again why I was drawn to you because I kind of just knew intuitively, seeing your senior podcast videos and stuff for many, many months beforehand, it's like, okay, this guy knows how to this guy knows how to deliver certain messages that are hard hitting, but in a way that is received well because they're said with compassion and most often they're true.

00:15:01:20 - 00:15:23:14
Ry Hickey
It's like there's there's no better combination in my mind for that. So, yeah, it was it was a funny, funny process, man. But I would just write it out. And that's something I've, I've, you know, acquired as a skill for me like I would when I first started coaching. I would have conversations with myself and play the role of both parties.

00:15:23:16 - 00:15:46:18
Ry Hickey
Like if I said this as, as this client that I'm that's victimizing themselves, which I do like, I have that tendency to kind of I feel this way, therefore I shouldn't have to do this. You know, it's like it really is this kind of victimization of myself and and that's been a huge part of that. So I would come off those calls.

00:15:46:18 - 00:15:51:06
Ry Hickey
It was also really early right my time. So I would like the I would be like disrupt.

00:15:51:06 - 00:15:52:08
Itamar Marani
For me, right?

00:15:52:10 - 00:16:18:20
Ry Hickey
Yeah, I was up for a hours. I'd be like super tired and kind of disrupted sleep, but there would be powerful calls and then I would just have this moment to, like, sit in it and, you know, and then there would be things that I would think of. And I'm I'd write it out and I wrote it a couple emails and and I would just go through them like, I'm a very thorough guy and I don't you know, I would just go through and be like, Well, that's not true.

00:16:18:20 - 00:16:39:11
Ry Hickey
And fuck, I know what he would say. There. He's going to ask me this and here's how it answer this. You know, like that's again, I've had that before in the past with another quite life transformational coach and I would hear his voice in my brain to my questions. He like his questions, what his questions would be to my question.

00:16:39:11 - 00:16:55:11
Ry Hickey
So I'd think of a question and be like, well, what about this? And then I would be like, God, he's going to say this, and I know the answer to that already. And that was like, I mean, there's no better. I've had clients say that to me as well. They're like, I thought about doing this and I heard your voice in my head.

00:16:55:11 - 00:17:03:00
Ry Hickey
I'm like, I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing, but you made the right call given your goals. You know, so great.

00:17:03:02 - 00:17:26:09
Itamar Marani
So let's get to that. I think this is really just with him other goals when you know, in the arena, the big thing we do is first we get clarity and then we bought them into an effective mindset. What needs to be your priorities and your rules to make things very clear this what you should do? The biggest priority that I feel like was was a fulcrum point for you was when you decided to prioritize commitment regardless of how you felt.

00:17:26:11 - 00:17:46:10
Itamar Marani
And the big rule was that I complete my top priorities for the day regardless of how I feel. And for me, I think that was that was the tipping point because that was a decision. Say, okay, once I do this, I have to recognize that if I'm going against it because of how I feel, that's just my internal bullshit.

00:17:46:12 - 00:17:53:07
Itamar Marani
And then that gave you the lens of like, okay, I can be untrue to who I want to be. So to see. Does that make sense?

00:17:53:09 - 00:17:54:15
Ry Hickey
Yeah.

00:17:54:17 - 00:17:59:01
Itamar Marani
So how first of all, what ever like, how has that been going for you? The whole commitment.

00:17:59:03 - 00:18:36:21
Ry Hickey
Aspect? Yeah, it's been amazing. I mean, definitely had some delayed effects of the whole process and it's kind of like the the old cliche, like success breeds success, right? You just when I define within the context of the arena what my key things that I would get complacent on were and I would hone in on those. And again, it didn't require crazy courage.

00:18:36:21 - 00:19:07:07
Ry Hickey
They weren't like, go up and speak in front of a thousand people every day or whatever. It was just like, take action on certain fundamental daily behaviors. So yeah, it's been it's been great. And I do, you know, still I do still grapple with certain things in terms of prioritization with school and papers do. And what's important in my business and and all that stuff.

00:19:07:09 - 00:19:37:18
Ry Hickey
But I've in terms of like saying I don't feel like doing this, I don't it doesn't happen anymore. It's just like I can dial things down and say, okay, well, I'm still going to do X amount if that means, you know, DMS to prospects, prospective clients or whatever. It's just I just turn the dial down and figure out what what is appropriate given the capacity that I've got that day.

00:19:37:20 - 00:19:39:01
Ry Hickey
Yeah.

00:19:39:03 - 00:19:57:21
Itamar Marani
I want to challenge you here if it's okay. Please. So what you were saying, it doesn't require a lot of courage because it's not a big thing. So I think there's a couple of components here. There's one the the magnitude of the task itself, like, for example, talking in front of 400 foreign people, whatever, it'd be a big audience.

00:19:57:23 - 00:20:23:16
Itamar Marani
That's kind of what I'm here saying. That requires a lot of courage, not just like sending out another this. And I'll challenge that because I think there's an extra component of the emotional we attach to everything emotional meaning, anything has. So for example, like I'm pretty comfortable talking in front of crowds of 400 people, a thousand people, whatever it may be, because I've never had any issues around public speaking or being in front of a group in like a leadership position.

00:20:23:16 - 00:20:45:08
Itamar Marani
I've always done well with that. However, I could see if somebody kind of had clients to the CEO of a very successful company, he was terrified to do public speaking. We would grow his company and when we got down to the bottom of it, like, why that happened is he was like, Well, we figured out that when he was 12, he tried to tell a joke on the school bus and all the kids laughed at him.

00:20:45:10 - 00:20:50:14
Itamar Marani
So he created this association that if I put myself out there public, it's going to be very unpleasant.

00:20:50:16 - 00:20:52:16
Ry Hickey
So it must have been a good joke, though.

00:20:52:18 - 00:21:15:19
Itamar Marani
You know, They laughed at him. Not on his joke, I guess. Very funny. Yeah. Yeah. And he was scarred by that. And I think a big thing is a lot of times what I've seen in a lot of entrepreneurs, they tell themselves, I shouldn't feel weird about doing this. I should just do it. But what it is like you're ignoring what's going on here and just shoving it aside.

00:21:15:21 - 00:21:29:11
Itamar Marani
But if you can say you know what, I do feel weird about this for some reason, let me figure out why that is. Why does this require courage and why is it so uncomfortable? Because that you can sort of figure out what it is and you can resolve that.

00:21:29:13 - 00:21:35:06
Ry Hickey
Yeah, that's well said. It is true. Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. Please don't go ahead.

00:21:35:06 - 00:21:36:18
Itamar Marani
I share your example here.

00:21:36:20 - 00:21:38:00
Ry Hickey
Yeah.

00:21:38:02 - 00:21:51:10
Itamar Marani
So I remember for me it was a big thing was he was saying that if I fail at something, people will see that I'm not as good as they think I. That was one of your beliefs from that arena that I remember. And I was like, Oh, of course that puts we all want to feel like we're good.

00:21:51:10 - 00:22:22:17
Itamar Marani
We all want people that have a high opinion of this primal thing, the tribal thing. We want people to approve of us and all that kind of jazz and force. If that's something that's in the back of your head, even with just putting out content, growing the business, whatever it may be, it's going to play up. And when we broke down, why it is growing up, as a kid, you had a really big concern about what others would think and they were putting that on this thing and that's why it feels so hard.

00:22:22:19 - 00:22:44:17
Itamar Marani
Yeah, And the moment we broke that down, like you said, like you can choose who you want to earn respect from. Not everybody, not this. We say, okay, the right kind of people, they'll respect what I'm doing. And those are the people that I choose. Have respect from. That's what I saw from the side. When that happened, you really started to give yourself permission to go because you were like, Oh, okay, this is what's actually going on.

00:22:44:17 - 00:23:01:09
Itamar Marani
I shouldn't just try to like, say, this shouldn't be that difficult. Let's should just do it. You're like, okay, now I know what it feels difficult and I figure out why it feels difficult. Now I falsify that and figure out a better frame for this. So now she doesn't feel as difficult. It feels like they should, like you were saying, like it shouldn't be.

00:23:01:11 - 00:23:03:03
Itamar Marani
And then you were able to go.

00:23:03:05 - 00:23:46:19
Ry Hickey
Yeah, no, that was that's a pretty keen, keen idea of what happened. And it's not to say that the the emotional and cognitive blocks still don't occur. Right. It, it's just being able to put a finger on it and say this is even and just giving it a name like saying this is, this is the aspect of Rye that seeks everyone's approval as opposed to specific groups of people who I look up to and aspire to be like.

00:23:46:19 - 00:24:04:18
Ry Hickey
And that's something where when I do lose sight of that and and don't surround myself with the right people, which can be tough, you know, and you can you can kind of just get pulled back into those old traps again, you know?

00:24:04:20 - 00:24:21:08
Itamar Marani
Yeah. I think where you said that there was something that's worth leaning into having that terminology to know who's in the driver's seat right now and who's in the passenger seat is really powerful and free to say, okay, this is old, right? This is like little kid Rye, who wasn't yet aware of what he really wanted and who he cared about and all that.

00:24:21:10 - 00:24:44:14
Itamar Marani
Oh, shit, He's in the driver's seat right now. Instead of saying, you know, who's this adult version of. Right. This ambitious right that he only cares about who he cares about and the rest of it, he dissipates. They're not going to like it in some way. And who am I letting the driver see right now? Yes, I think having those terms that we can constantly refer back to and ask ourselves who's in the driver's seat right now, who's making decisions is really powerful.

00:24:44:16 - 00:24:56:03
Ry Hickey
I fully agree. Yeah, those are super helpful for me. Who's who's at the helm right now, who's steering this ship? Yeah, Yeah. It's important for sure.

00:24:56:05 - 00:25:14:11
Itamar Marani
WOMAN So we kind of got pretty quickly to the things that I wanted to cover, but I wanted to ask you from your perspective, were there any, any other big things that you saw, either that helped you in your process or that you thought in other arena members next few things you think would be really valuable to put out there?

00:25:14:13 - 00:25:46:22
Ry Hickey
Oh man, there is a few. If I were to be concise, which sometimes it's hard for me. As you know, the the aspect of delving into the emotions and background and stuff that was that came comes very naturally ish to me. Or at least it's a skill that I've developed. So coming into the arena, none of that was unusual or too disruptive.

00:25:47:00 - 00:26:27:00
Ry Hickey
I could see, I think, how for someone like, let's say taking the stereotypical man that's of is a huge overgeneralization. But if you were to take sort of like the stereotypical maybe my age or older type guy who's had a bit of an aversion to, you know, therapy or and exploration of, of various past events and emotional baggage or whatever else may be occurring, I could see how that would be a challenging thing for them.

00:26:27:00 - 00:26:50:17
Ry Hickey
And again, the way that you package it in the arena and execute on the whole process was was just so different. So I saw it as this like a beautiful and it's kind of to be honest, what I think about in terms of my business. It's why I'm studying psychology. I want to continue doing what I'm doing within nutrition.

00:26:50:19 - 00:27:43:08
Ry Hickey
But big picture, I think kind of as as the industry changes, we're going to see this merging of the more stereotype like traditionally action oriented coaching and the more sort of just aimless talk through everything therapeutic approach. Yeah. So you have taken these two, and at least in my experience, kind of just started to emerge that like we're going to have a curriculum, we're going to go through these things and we're going to, you know, deal with some pretty heavy shit, which is tough to do with six guys in a group because we're all at different levels and and whatnot and levels of willingness and awareness and all of that.

00:27:43:08 - 00:28:08:17
Ry Hickey
So it is it was cool to see, even just from my perspective, how you how you operated with that. But yeah, I don't know if that answers your question. It was just like a really I haven't seen that before with that. Like, yes, it's action oriented, but it's also we're going to talk about some heavy, heavy stuff.

00:28:08:18 - 00:28:29:15
Itamar Marani
So for that, I appreciate all that. That's first of all, so the kind of the reason I was asking that was more so what do you think helps you progress? So for people listening at home that are kind of in your situation, and from what I'm hearing from you, you're saying that the thing that helped you progressed was taking on something that was very action oriented.

00:28:29:17 - 00:28:47:10
Itamar Marani
But in order to move forward, you recognize you have to let go of some of the specific stuff. In the past, it was just aimlessly wandering around looking at our past. But in order to move forward, in order to commit, for example, just putting myself out there, doing these actions, then figure out, okay, what are the specific, what's the specific heavy stuff that caused me to hold myself back?

00:28:47:13 - 00:28:53:12
Itamar Marani
And then when that was released for you, that's why it was transformative. So that's why it was really disrupted.

00:28:53:14 - 00:29:35:23
Ry Hickey
Yeah, that's, yeah, for sure. Because, I mean, that's fundamentally the the toughest part, which I still don't even know if how that works. I don't think anybody knows necessarily. Like, how do you facilitate an entire shift in Worldview? I don't know. You have to be willing to do that already, I think, in order to progress. And I'm sure I know you've seen, you know, the opposite of that, where it's like, Oh, no, this is so uncomfortable to an individual that they're just not willing to to do it.

00:29:36:01 - 00:29:54:12
Ry Hickey
I've seen it for sure, too. And I've seen it myself. And it's like it's a gross feeling when you when you come up against that disruption. And but man, there's just such benefit on the other side of it.

00:29:54:14 - 00:30:15:12
Itamar Marani
I want to ask you about that, because you said you've kind of been like following this stuff for a year or so and you kind of had it, you know, like the board. So first off, I want to hear what three part question. What about it resonated with you? They're like, I need to do this. What made you say I'm going to do this someday instead of today?

00:30:15:14 - 00:30:25:02
Itamar Marani
And then what finally made you cross that Shazam, so to speak? Because you talk a little bit like you have to have a desire to do this. Yeah. So I wonder if it's just desire, if there's other components there as well.

00:30:25:04 - 00:31:14:10
Ry Hickey
I could answer your question very clearly. What made me want to do it was just seeing the way that you coach. It was just seeing hearing your message that resonating with me. You're very rational and and yet you delivered things very directly and they were difficult to say and difficult even more difficult to hear, I'm sure. And yet they were delivered in a way where was like, this guy gives a shit and he's all in in this and so that was just like, I knew kind of that you I didn't see that elsewhere, and I still haven't really seen that elsewhere, to be honest.

00:31:14:12 - 00:31:40:13
Ry Hickey
What initially didn't get me or made me think I'll do this eventually was just the cost. I was just like, yeah, scraping by, you know, I'm just going to back off on my own. And in coaching it was just like, I just can't justify that costs right now. I just want to let me do this, this and this and get to that point.

00:31:40:15 - 00:32:13:05
Ry Hickey
What got me to that point of saying let's do this was probably despair, man. Like probably just being in such a uncomfortable state where I was just like, not happy with where my life was at, you know, just, just being like, yeah, just feeling like I needed a big shakeup and to make a scary investment. And and I just I had all the evidence I needed having followed you for so long.

00:32:13:05 - 00:32:18:16
Ry Hickey
So that was it. And then we hopped on a call and I was just like, All right, let's go.

00:32:18:18 - 00:32:37:05
Itamar Marani
That's right. So question for you on top of that, because I appreciate you're saying in a couple of interesting is that I mean, you appreciate it when my question number one what initially got you interested? I'd love to hear that from your perspective, not about like me or about my program, but it's about doing this. So I don't get like I need to come to this show.

00:32:37:07 - 00:32:43:10
Itamar Marani
What caused that awareness and ecstatic. I really need to have this shit.

00:32:43:12 - 00:33:07:20
Ry Hickey
I'm trying to remember way back when I started following you. Oh, you know what? Okay. Yeah. Like the back story that I think you're aware of was, you know, I worked for another brilliant dude who's, like, hormones. He's best buddy, Dr. Kashi. Hormones.

00:33:07:20 - 00:33:09:03
Itamar Marani
He gets like.

00:33:09:05 - 00:33:33:02
Ry Hickey
Yeah, he gets, like, most of his stuff from. From from Trevor Kashi, who I had the privilege of working for, like, directly for a year and a half. I was one of his coaches and I would literally have conversation with him and then, like, to two weeks later see her Moses content pop up and it'd would be like a lot of the shit that we talked about, you know, he's, he gets a ton of hormones.

00:33:33:02 - 00:33:36:16
Ry Hickey
He's very open about that. He's like, I get most of my stuff from from Kashi.

00:33:36:18 - 00:33:36:23
Itamar Marani
Yeah.

00:33:37:04 - 00:34:11:04
Ry Hickey
So that was an example of what I had said earlier that disruption. There wasn't a single conversation that I had with that man that I didn't leave with my head absolutely spinning and just being like, What is even happening right now? He would just question things. And he was very compassionate as well. Like you knew that he cared about you, but he just thought on another planet, he just thought about behavior down to its granular level and he had such a grasp on.

00:34:11:06 - 00:34:44:09
Ry Hickey
It's basically spurred me to to go back to school and delve more into psychology and human and animal behavior, because now I can think about things in that regard. So I think I was just kind of transitioning out from that. And to be honest, when I left that company, I went through a pretty dark period of like feeling like I'm this incompetent coach because I'll never stack up or compare to this man who I was mentored by and worked for for 18 months.

00:34:44:11 - 00:35:08:01
Ry Hickey
And yet I don't want to go back to my former life as a sales rep just peddling products that I don't care to peddle. And so I went through a pretty rough spot and I don't know how to say it other than my own despair and like and then just again, the the compliments that I have about you, it was just the way that you talked about stuff.

00:35:08:01 - 00:35:39:11
Ry Hickey
And it was also, I think, just having done therapy for years and like been being open to all that, that whole realm, I knew it wasn't just like discipline and action strictly that I needed. It was like, there's these weird hang ups within me, emotion, only these stories and narratives that I'm telling myself that are restricting me from doing the things I want to do.

00:35:39:12 - 00:35:53:23
Itamar Marani
That's a big man position that. So what would you tell somebody at home if they're in a similar situation to where you were, let's say last October? What would your advice to them be?

00:35:54:01 - 00:35:55:03
Ry Hickey
I would say.

00:35:55:05 - 00:36:01:14
Itamar Marani
Stuck. They don't want to go back because they feel a bit of despair, frustration, whatever. What would you say to them?

00:36:01:16 - 00:36:34:02
Ry Hickey
Yeah, I would say that if I were if it were someone in my exact scenario, I would say, you can, dude, you can you can make this happen financially. It's not ideal, but you can make it happen. And you're only you're only losing money by not doing it sooner. I know that's cliche, but it is true. It's just like, make it happen.

00:36:34:04 - 00:37:09:18
Ry Hickey
I think that I had a moment of despair there and then there was like a phase of decent productivity and then another moment of despair to where I signed up. And I think I could have taken action on that first moment and I would have benefited from that. And quite possibly, you know, just been been further had. Not that I'm too concerned about that, but I've had, you know, months, a few months now of like pretty solid just forward thinking and action taking since the program.

00:37:09:18 - 00:37:14:19
Ry Hickey
So I'd encourage them to pull the trigger Appreciate that.

00:37:14:21 - 00:37:18:01
Itamar Marani
Any questions you have for me before we get going to Nick.

00:37:18:03 - 00:37:49:22
Ry Hickey
And then I wish I prepared a couple questions for you. I would say I would ask, you know, what what like what do you or is that even something do do you do see any overlap, like in terms of because I think we're very different people. That's the one thing I do wonder about. I go tomorrow and I are very different.

00:37:49:22 - 00:38:01:21
Ry Hickey
We have very different backgrounds and upbringing things and I just wonder whether you struggle with similar stuff and if so, how you you've navigated around that world.

00:38:01:21 - 00:38:05:14
Itamar Marani
Of course, I struggle with stuff like I'm a human, like I think people struggle for sure.

00:38:05:14 - 00:38:24:00
Ry Hickey
But similar stuff like like the you know, I've been pretty I don't know. I don't know if I've been, like, clinically depressed, but like, pretty fucking low before, you know? And I don't know, it just things like that. Wonder about the similarities, you know? Yeah.

00:38:24:02 - 00:38:56:10
Itamar Marani
So I think I went through something I never clinically depressed or anything of that nature, but I was pretty down to a certain point in military career where I got very, very severely injured and I wasn't sure what my future would hold and how I would look like that. And I knew I had to I was going to pay a pretty big price as far as training and have to drop back a couple of classes and all that kind of just and it was due to factually speaking, it was due to a very what's called a negligent command.

00:38:56:11 - 00:39:18:00
Itamar Marani
What was actually leader, understood as an illegal commander was given by an officer during training. I had already dislocated my shoulder in the day before and then he told me to keep training Krav Maga. The reason being he wanted to show that his soldiers were tough. There was something about. There were a couple of teams in the unit and it was before deciding which team has which special utility operation.

00:39:18:00 - 00:39:46:16
Itamar Marani
Some of them are more prestigious than others, and he wanted to show off that his team was the toughest at one of the the high up, whatever it may be. And he really that really caused me to like they took a big step back in my career and I was beyond being very upset about it. I was very angry and I wasn't I didn't get have the military understand that I can either be angry at him and angry at the world or I can say this is what it is, what's going to be more effective.

00:39:46:18 - 00:40:07:19
Itamar Marani
And I think that for me was a time where I was, in a way falling to victimhood about like, why did this have happened to me? I was so motivated, I was doing the right things. I went so hard. Even like when I was told to do this, I did it. And why am I now suffering? The consequences were in reality, like probably I wouldn't have been told to keep training for the week after the injury.

00:40:08:00 - 00:40:32:12
Itamar Marani
I would have come back probably in a month and a half. You know, you're 18. Everything heals quickly when it's done properly. And I think that was it for me where I fell into a lot of self talk about like I was trying to get out against me. This is just this started it up and that's why when I when I heard you talk about that email that you write all the negative self-talk, I know I'm going to choose not to listen to that voice either.

00:40:32:14 - 00:40:58:01
Itamar Marani
I wish I would have been able to do that when I was 18, and I think I would have saved myself a lot, headache, a lot of issues, and also just gotten better results. And that's why I think it's so powerful. That was a lesson that I had to learn, like retroactively looking back at what happened there. And I think the fact that you were able to do that in real time while you're going through the program was so powerful.

00:40:58:07 - 00:41:19:18
Itamar Marani
And I think that's why you're also getting such big results, because you have that skill set. That was the main reason I wanted to have you on the podcast and you share your experience and all that. I thought you sharing that lesson with other people, that you're going to have this other voice in your head, especially as trying to disrupt yourself and try to grow from this previous version of yourself.

00:41:19:18 - 00:41:42:06
Itamar Marani
With this new one, you're going to have that old voice like, I don't do that for all these reasons. It's like it's not your fault. You don't have to. Whatever it may be, this is going to be tougher. It's not actually getting any result. You don't really want this goal, like you said, like justifying that. But if you can be aware of that, that voice in your head and go like lower you young, your kid, right, whatever you want to call it, it's okay.

00:41:42:07 - 00:42:02:07
Itamar Marani
I'm not going to fall victim to this voice. I am not to dictate my actions, not some powerful things going to happen. And I think the fact that you did that is really commendable. The fact you have that skill set is really powerful. And I think that's the biggest thing. Why I want to take people, people take away from this podcast.

00:42:02:09 - 00:42:08:17
Ry Hickey
Appreciate that. Yeah, it it comes and goes, but it's there. I got it. It's in the toolbox, you know.

00:42:08:19 - 00:42:26:19
Itamar Marani
And that's the thing, man, as well, that the fact that it comes and goes and people think that it's, oh, you just, you don't have any issues, you're good and all that. But the powerful thing is to be able to kind of person has that resilience that when those voices come along and they will come along. So I think that you keep trying to disrupt yourself, maybe just staying stagnant.

00:42:26:21 - 00:42:53:20
Itamar Marani
Yes, those voices might disappear because you're in your comfort zone. But if you keep trying to grow beyond your current capabilities into your gross own reality, it doesn't feel comfortable because it's not your comfort zone and you're going to be disrupting the ways you used to operate. You think there's going to be old voices. So if you have the skill set to recognize this is supposed to be there, that old voice that is trying to tell me why we shouldn't do this or why it'll just fail or why, whatever it may be, that voice is supposed to be there.

00:42:53:22 - 00:43:09:05
Itamar Marani
But also what else is supposed to be there is your ability to not listen to it, not let that sit in the driver's seat and control your life. Yeah, I think that's a real powerful thing for sure. That's that's a skillset that allows you to keep going up and up and up and up and up and up. It has the one thing.

00:43:09:07 - 00:43:24:22
Ry Hickey
Do you just quickly on that, do you use like what do you use for any kind of specific self coaching or you just have a one of your coaches on, on call that you sort of tap a new and such when you hit hang ups like that?

00:43:25:00 - 00:43:55:05
Itamar Marani
So everybody operates a little bit different. I'm not a very visual person. I think more in principles and more in concepts. So for me doesn't help me as much as, Hey, is this old Itamar, is this new Itamar, or whatever it may be, but for me, what's really helpful to know is this my issues around control. I'm obviously I know that's my biggest issue that I have that's going to at least start this year because I have that old issue with Kyra whenever I almost gave up a little bit of control, it had little severe life or death consequences when I was in the agency.

00:43:55:06 - 00:44:21:14
Itamar Marani
And I recognize that there's still a part of my brain that desires control in a disproportionate amount. So whenever I'm stretching my boundaries, whether it's growing the business, the team, my personal life, letting people in, whatever it may be, and I feel a certain level of discomfort, I notice to myself, like, is this an issue with control that is not valid, that emotionally I feel like I want more control, but logically I don't actually need it.

00:44:21:14 - 00:44:35:14
Itamar Marani
Just an emotional thing. And for me, that frame allows me to recognize, okay, this is just a feeling I'm having. I don't have to listen to that. I don't have to be held captive by this fear. And for me, that's the way I coached myself from the start.

00:44:35:16 - 00:44:37:02
Ry Hickey
Hmm.

00:44:37:04 - 00:44:38:06
Itamar Marani
Interesting sounds.

00:44:38:06 - 00:44:48:09
Ry Hickey
It does. It does. Yeah. Yeah, I think I might. Yeah. That's. That resonates with me, which is a great way to frame it. I like it.

00:44:48:11 - 00:45:16:00
Itamar Marani
It's awesome. If a person who knows his main insecurities and the main desires that pull him is a very powerful individual because he won't get blindsided by those emotions or insecurities and desires and therefore be pulled in the wrong direction. Like if one ever, for example, myself, I'm expanding and I know, okay, I'm about to meet this barrier where it's going to feel uncomfortable because I'm going to have to relinquish control in order to grow into this vision of what I want things to be.

00:45:16:02 - 00:45:34:09
Itamar Marani
Then when I see them, like, okay, I'm supposed to feel this way. This isn't an indicator that I'm doing something wrong. And I think what we're saying at the beginning of the podcast in the past, I think you perhaps didn't the full awareness or the toolkit to say that just because I have a feeling that doesn't mean that it's an indicator that something is wrong.

00:45:34:14 - 00:45:55:07
Itamar Marani
It's just a feeling. Yeah, that's the big thing. And once people are okay, having a feeling and recognizing this is just a feeling, it's a I can keep going forward. Then they go forward. It's like when people see this thing. The simplest analogy is when people go into the ice bath. You've so you've seen this view as they start panicking and losing their breath, but it's just explicit.

00:45:55:07 - 00:46:08:19
Itamar Marani
It's going to be cold. It's supposed to feel cold, but you don't have to suffer from this and you do not have to panic. That's when things change. And I think it's an agile analogy for growth, for life and so on. I agree that answer the question.

00:46:08:21 - 00:46:12:01
Ry Hickey
Very much so. I appreciate that.

00:46:12:03 - 00:46:16:16
Itamar Marani
Cool. Anything else through wrap it up.

00:46:16:18 - 00:46:18:02
Ry Hickey
Let's wrap it up.

00:46:18:04 - 00:46:30:03
Itamar Marani
All right. And you're going to write, like I say, thank you again for doing the podcast, man. Thank you for sharing it with me. Thank you for being so open. And also congrats on your success. So that's like thank to be happy for you about. It's awesome to see it and I got my progression crossing.

00:46:30:05 - 00:46:32:12
Ry Hickey
Appreciate you man. Thanks for having me on.

00:46:32:14 - 00:46:35:18
Itamar Marani
I got that. All right. We will see everyone on the next episode.