Addition by Subtraction [Part 2] – From 10k to 70k MRR | Elite Performance Podcast #9

Itamar Marani 0:00
Welcome to today's podcast. Now since recording this podcast originally with Dr. Emil, we have created the emotional fortitude micro course on the website it is completely free. And all the things that we're going to be covering today in this episode are available there with worksheets that you can follow along and actually plug and play all the stuff that we were talking about in this episode. So if you want to access that along with this episode to make sure that you get the worksheets, again, follow along and make it as easy as possible for you to work this stuff out. Go to Itamar marani.com/course and get complete access to it. It's completely free. Again, that's Itamar marani.com/course. Aside from that, enjoy the episode.

Dr. Emil 0:36
Hey, guys, welcome to today's episode of elite foundations. Today, we're going to be doing part two of the last episode, which was addition by subtraction. On the last episode, we spoke about the framework and the theory. This week, we're going to be going a little bit more detail into the how but I'm gonna let Itamar take it away from here.

Itamar Marani 1:00
So to quickly recap, what we talked about is that there has to be a foundation first in this pyramid of success. First of skill set. After you have the skill set, you have to build the character traits, which is discipline resiliency, and let's say you drive after that you have to have mindset mindset is how you're going to choose to frame certain situations. So instead of just saying this is a hardship, saying this is an opportunity to become the person I want to be, and so on. And the final step is emotional clarity or emotional levity. And that's all the fears, insecurities and doubts that we all have collected throughout our life, both from a genetic standpoint, that we just collected from our ancestors. And from let's call it more behavioral standpoint, things that happen in our environment when we were younger, or even as young adults that have sunken in influence how we think and believe, and how we act. So what we're going to be doing today is a workshop on how you can really resolve the last part. And notice that I said resolve. You will never ever fully remove these things, you will never be completely fearless, completely 100% secure with everything. And 100% confident that's a fallacy. That's just a fairy tale. But what you absolutely can do is resolve these things down to a point where it doesn't require a ton of motivation, a ton of effort to get through them, to see through them and to actually do what you should be doing or to serve yourself.

Dr. Emil 2:22
Can I just add some nuance there? Leave I might I might be wrong. But you know, what you're talking about with emotional clarity is essentially moving, removing pre programmed blocks, ie things like from from society, from upbringing, from culture, religion, whatever it is, these these have been subconsciously pre programmed through our lives and and now running in the background and affecting how we operate. Yep. And what you're gone. No,

Itamar Marani 2:53
I was just gonna capsulate again, I love that Carl Jung quote that until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. That's exactly that.

Dr. Emil 3:01
Yeah. And then what you're saying is, you'll never be able to resolve these fully. Or rather, you won't be able to resolve the emotions. So you will still have fear. Yeah, but the fear will no longer be due to pre programmed blocks. So you will be able to remove these pre programmed blocks fully.

Itamar Marani 3:21
No, no, no. So let's clarify, that's a great question, what I said, you'll be able to resolve them, you won't be able to remove them. So let's say you had a level of fear around certain issues on a scale of one to 100, you had a 95, that's where I really got in your way, well we can do is take that down to like a 10 or a five. So you don't have to get super motivated, super amped up to overcome this thing, and then crash afterwards, because you're exhausted, instead of being trying to basically jump over a giant wall, it's like a little road bump, all of a sudden, you can just go out, you can just hop over and hop over and hop over on your way to success. So that's what I'm saying you will never fully remove them, they will still be a part of you. And anyone who tells you otherwise, in my opinion, and from what I've seen, that's bullshit. But you absolutely can resolve these things down to a point where they'll still be there. But they won't get in your way. And you can take action. Because again, the whole point of this is again to take action at the end of the day. And what we can do is minimize these things down to a point where they don't stop you from doing that.

Dr. Emil 4:23
So again, just just to clarify, because I think this is interesting and important. Let's use an example say you have this religious programming, that being wealthy is bad, and you have a guilt associated with it. It's subconscious, but that's what's stopping you from getting to the next level. So you're saying you, you can remove or resolve.

Itamar Marani 4:44
Now remove, you can't remove it. So what I'm saying is you have this let's say it's it's a 90 strength, okay, if one 100 Just for numbers sake, it's a 90 Strong, okay? Just by shedding light on it, and all of a sudden making a conscious we can get it down to about 50 And then by adding certain processes that we're going to talk about today, we can keep moving it down and down and down, down, just weakening it to the point where your mind can actually control it. And it tells us this vague thing that makes you feel bad and insecure, and pulls you in various ways that you don't understand. And that's what we're going to be able to do. That's also where we're going at day 20 of this, we're not going to try to take, you know, 10 years of therapy, or an Ayahuasca trip, or whatever it may be, we're just going to say, What's the most effective thing that could get us down to the point where you can take action now where it's completely removed, because that's a fallacy, but to the point where you can really take action consistently. Exactly.

Dr. Emil 5:35
It is just the last thing before I let you continue and stop interrupting, there will be other people who don't have that particular guilt associated with money because they didn't have the same religion and upbringing. So those people will be at zero. So what you're saying is, you can't unprogrammed something that has been, you can't totally

Itamar Marani 5:57
so to give a little example of what you're saying, so when you get cut, somewhere, you're gonna have scar and your muscles are going to have a little bit of scar tissue, you can do a lot of things to really, like nail it down, and you know, massage it out, but it's always going to be a little bit there, it's not going to be like the tissue that was before. So that makes sense.

Dr. Emil 6:13
So that analogy has nailed it. I will now sit down.

Itamar Marani 6:17
Right? I will, I will remember that for later. So that's what we're gonna be doing today, guys, we're gonna be figuring out how we could take the scars of the tissue really, like, make him so that it doesn't actually hinder your performance functional. Yeah, so you're functional, and you can really move forward. It's still, like I said, it's always gonna require that little bit of courage at the end of it. But it's going to be so little that you can keep mustering up mustering, you know, mustering up and keep moving forward in your day. So shall we get started? Let's do this. Good. All right. So again, to start out, like, the reason people don't do this is twofold. One, they're not aware that this can be done, we try to add more things in this what we talked about in the last episode. And the second thing is, this is hard. This is elite shit. Being honest with yourself about what's going on inside your head, and your emotions. That's difficult. It's why a lot of people add so much complexity to their life into their business, just because they're trying to add complexity to hide from the simple, easy, like the the simple but not easy things they know they shouldn't be doing. This is one of those things. Okay, so the first thing we got to do is, we got to understand what the fear is. So let me let me ask you this, what is fear? Man? How would you define fear?

Dr. Emil 7:32
What is fear? I feel like a pupil who should know the fear is worry about the consequences of something happening.

Itamar Marani 7:47
Great. That was very well said. So to make it a bit clearer. Fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous or likely to cause us pain or be a threat. And again, it's an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief. And that's the big ticket here. Okay? So, a belief is not a universal truth. It's not physics, it's not science, a belief is something that you hold to be true for you. You specifically hold true, gravity is not a belief, you can just say, Well, I don't believe I'm gonna, like jump from building and not get hurt. Gravity is science. A belief, though, is something subjective. This is a belief that you hold to be true for you, this is how the world is for you. And that's a really big thing to recognize. So I break down beliefs into, let's say, two, two big camps. Okay, there's obviously more nuance here. But just to keep things high level, there's what are called overarching truth that have very broad application. And they have a moderate universal effect. So let's say this affects everything you think in life, but on that scale of one to 100. This is at around like a 5060. So it's not super powerful, okay, but it affects everything. The second kind of belief is it's called rules, or consequences, okay. And these things have very specific application to very specific verticals in your life. So they have a very narrow effect on your life, but it's extremely powerful. This is like a 9095. So if this is the thing that's holding back your business, for example, once you resolve this, you can really fly if this is the constraint. Does this make sense so far? Are you with me? Yeah. Beautiful. Okay, so that's the overarching truth. Let's give some examples of them. That is like life is data dot I am data dot, people are data dot, who am I? Data dot? These are things that you think this is just how the world is for me, and it affects everything you think. So if like you think life is supposed to be easy, every time you're met with a challenge, it's gonna mess you up because that's what your belief is, all of a sudden Something's wrong here. Something's not adding up. Or if you tell yourself, I am an introvert, that's your belief of the world, every time you're supposed to be in a situation where being an introvert won't serve you, you're gonna feel threatened. Because your belief is that this has caused you pain. If you say to yourself, who am I, to demand or to earn this much money or whatever it may be, every time a lot of money might come your way, you're going to feel threatened. Because something here isn't in line with how you believe things should be. Does this make sense?

Dr. Emil 10:31
Yeah, so this is an overarching truth. It's 50 60% intensity, and it applies high level over your whole life.

Itamar Marani 10:43
Yeah, so this kind of belief always runs in your background, like the background of your mind, and you apply it everywhere. Everywhere in life, you find a way to apply. Okay, so it's not like an as this specific vertical, but just all around, it's always in the back of your head, and you're just applying it everywhere you possibly can. Make sense? Yep. Great. So then we have the second part, which is that Scotty rules are consequences. So this is much more of like a formula of how we think we think if X up so I could hear the dogs in the background?

Dr. Emil 11:17
A little bit, but it's fine. You can continue. Okay, so

Itamar Marani 11:22
sorry, let's just give us like, what's that gonna think it's just the people next to me, that will cut it out.

Alright, so the second part, our rules are consequences, like we talked about. So these are formulas, you basically have in your head apparently say if this happens, and that will happen. So one of these kinds of formulas is a simple if then. So if let's say you love me, then you'll do this. Sorry about that. Just one second we'll and we'll be an idea where someone's supposed to be here.

Sorry about that.

Dr. Emil 12:38
Okay. My apologies.

Itamar Marani 12:40
Because I'll just restart that whole part from the get go. Sorry about this, Benny. So the second part is, let's call it rules or consequences. These are all formulas. You're not hearing that in the background a

Dr. Emil 12:59
little bit, but nothing like significant valgus zoom has

Itamar Marani 13:03
stepped up. But I'm again that dassia See going crazy.

Dr. Emil 13:06
So that's it, they will come through. Okay.

Itamar Marani 13:10
All right. So let's do it again. So the second part is, let's call it rules or consequences. These are formulas that we have in our head that relate to specific situations. So if x then y, if then, or in order to x, I have to y, or I'll be X when that happens. So for example, if you love me, then you'll do this. This is something that we project on relationships, and then when somebody that significant other that also let's say a business partner doesn't do what you think somebody should be doing their position, instead of thinking, Oh, wait, maybe I haven't slept, maybe he thinks differently, whatever it may be, you immediately think he doesn't care about me. And you project all this craziness onto them. Or if I do this, then this should happen. And that's the belief you hold. So you're afraid to go outside of that. Because this is how the world is supposed to work. Or in order to be happy. Then Zed has to happen for me. And unless that happens, I'm not supposed to be happy

Dr. Emil 14:20
and to trigger you. No, no, no, I'm not that specifically. But to clarify, this is subconscious. So you're not thinking if they don't make me coffee in the morning. They don't love me. This is just I feel like they don't love me and I can't because actually make me coffee and without really thinking about the consequences. Exactly. Without maybe without overstepping that is it. True to say that a lot of that is due to the fact that we're so bad at being present and we're so distracted by life that we don't stop to think and to say Actually, could there be another reason it's just this spike of emotion, they didn't make me coffee, they didn't love me. And then you go on to the next thing with that emotion kind of bubbling in the background, is that

Itamar Marani 15:11
because it could be, I've never actually given a thought that the presence is the issue there. I've always thought about it as an issue of awareness. Like I wasn't aware at first that this is a way I'm choosing to see the world. But it's not necessarily true. Once that awareness was brought to me, and I realized that I don't have to just, like I said, be driven by that impulse by that spark. And then I can actually think this through and analyze what's going on here. That's when a lot of things really changed positively in my life, because I was able to see things for what they are, what they actually are, not just for how I feel at the moment. So presence could be a way of saying it, for me, it was more an awareness. So we don't have that awareness of this is actually what's going on. And that's why I said that just by these things, rather than 9095, just by shedding light on them, we can really remove half of it. Because once you have that awareness thing shed light on them, then you can say, well, this is silly. Like if that person didn't make me coffee, that doesn't mean they don't love me, that just means that a maybe they've never expressed it, that's important to me. Maybe they also have a lot on their plate this morning, or whatever it may be. And all of a sudden, that gets a lot of its powers taken away. Does that make sense?

Dr. Emil 16:20
It does. And, you know, to add in the reason I mentioned presence is in health and food, it's kind of very similar. People have these automatic programs, like if I go out to a restaurant, I will eat all the food because that's just what's done. Like, and that's not intentional, that's not conscious, they don't want to do it, they're just doing it to the point that then they're falling, it hurts. So what I say is, look, if you just slow down, be present, and think about what you actually want, bring awareness to it, then that's, that's half the battle. And I'll feel gone.

Itamar Marani 16:57
Sorry, can I add a rebel to what you're saying, please. So I think you're missing a step and what you actually the process that your clients are going through. So you're actually giving them awareness that, hey, when you go to a restaurant, you still want to figure out your macros, or just eat something that's like good and tasty, but you don't go over the top. But that's a possibility in life, to have that awareness of how your health is. So then once you're actually in the moment, be present, and don't just go on autopilot. So I think you are doing those two things, you're first bring that awareness to them, and then ask them to be present while they're in there.

Dr. Emil 17:30
I don't want to like derail this, this whole thing I it's it's just about the presence more than anything else. Like even without a plan. It's just about being present. Because when you when you eat out, you're there to enjoy it. And my point is that people don't enjoy it, they just they're on auto pilots. So but we don't need to, we don't need to go.

Itamar Marani 17:50
I think there's also a bit of nuance in words, the way I'm just gonna, like sum this up, it's like, first you have to be aware that this is something that can there's something to be done here. And then you have to presence to actually say, I'm going to stop in the moment and ask myself what's going on? Make sense? Can we can we be happy about that? Let's go. Awesome. All right. So a couple examples of these called these rules are the consequences are. And this was Nathan's that if I make a lot of money, then that means I'm greedy. And because he had this belief, he was terrified internally, to do something that can make him a lot of money. And he was putting the ceiling on himself, and his wife and their family because of that without knowing it. And this is the big thing. These are very, very powerful. And he never knew these existed inside him. And these are the things that usually when you recognize you have one of these beliefs, you start breaking into a sweat. And something in your chest feels a bit heavy, because you're like, Whoa, I never knew that this was I was thinking but it's exactly what's going on. This is terrifying. Other examples are, let's say just around money is if I want to, to make money, then I have to compromise on x, y Zed. People believe that. So they're not willing to make a lot of money because they think they're gonna have to sell out, they're gonna have to be greedy, they're gonna have to compromise in their marriage, whatever it may be. Or in a very different way. If I set goals and don't fully achieve them, then that means I'm a failure. And people don't love failures. That's what stops people from going forward. Instead of saying to themselves, well, actually, it's like, if I don't fully achieve a goal, I'm still on my way. And people will see that and respected by just the way how we feel internally. This stuff makes sense.

Dr. Emil 19:39
Yeah, this, this makes a hell of a lot of sense. And I'm already thinking in this way about what what these potential programs are for me. So yeah, even this level of awareness is powerful.

Itamar Marani 19:53
Yeah. So again, to bring it together. There's two kinds of beliefs, two main kinds of beliefs. There's overarching true Have, these have a very broad application, but a moderate universal effect are always running in the background of your head and you apply these things to everything and anything. And then you have the rules and consequences to if then they in order to, or I'll be happy when X Y, Zed. These have a very specific application to a very specific and narrow area of your life. But they're extremely powerful. And once you just shed light on these beliefs, you already take away half their power. It's like, there's an expression in Hebrew that basically says that the scary monster is in the shadow. But once you have light on it, it's not as scary anymore. And this is kind of it. Like once you're able to make these things how carrier is the subconscious will control your life until you make it conscious? This is you actually making consciousness that's half the battle. So that's the first part. Take time, like if you can't pause this podcast, and workshop this stuff, ask yourself what broad overarching truth do I hold? And you can use this simple formula as Q's. Fill in the blanks life is dot, dot dot? How do you view it? I am not that dot. People are data dot, who am I data dot, fill those out and use prompts around wealth, about relationships, about your health, about your happiness. And think about it that way. Once you do that, move on to the ruler consequences. And just have a couple of formulas that try to plug in certain things. And again, it shouldn't be something that you think about. It isn't something that's supposed to be rational or logic, it's supposed to be something that you go off the cuff, you just throw from your gut from your subconscious without judging it. But just to see what's going on in there. So say if then, in order to, then I'll be when plugging these formulas in, see what you come up with, take time, don't judge yourself off the cuff and as far as many as you can and see what happens and what lands on that paper. Okay, so that's part one of this. So

Dr. Emil 22:10
part one, yeah, a real physical exercise, literally pause the podcast now. Go through the prompts that Itamar just laid out and go through as many as you can. And actually, I've done similar exercises. It's called thinking time, some of you guys might have heard of it. And basically, he says, like, start writing stuff down. This is the easy stuff, then you need to keep going now it gets more tricky, then you need to keep going. Now it gets hard. So just give yourself a lot of time to do this and almost force yourself to keep going because the top layer stuff will come easily, then you'll get into the deeper and deeper stuff. And that will, that's where the juices.

Itamar Marani 22:52
Yeah, I think you can get away honestly, with this doing 10 minutes for each. Because I also don't want this to look like an intimidating like, you have to set aside five hours to go to a cabin in the woods and do it. You can set 10 minutes to go for the rules and consequences, and 10 minutes to go for the overarching truth. If you do that, you'll get at 20. Okay, and that's enough for now. To move on to part two,

Dr. Emil 23:16
let's do it. Alright, so

Itamar Marani 23:18
part two is and again, we hope you have paused this podcast and already done part one and separate it. Part two is asking what's actually true. Now, have you ever heard the term limiting beliefs? Yeah, yeah, you started laughing? Why did you start laughing?

Dr. Emil 23:36
Because I know your thoughts about limiting beliefs.

Itamar Marani 23:39
What are my thoughts on this share with the world, please?

Dr. Emil 23:42
I think the succinct way would be limiting beliefs of bullshit. Yeah, you can take it away from there.

Itamar Marani 23:48
Yeah, I think limiting beliefs like they sound sexy, it's great marketing or whatever, but it doesn't work. You're not gonna get a bunch of very intelligent logic driven people, when they're in an emotional state to say, You know what, I think this way, but this is a limiting belief, and I want to hold them more powerful positive belief and rainbows and sun shines. They're not going to do that. And that's why I think the whole notion of limiting beliefs or positive beliefs, it doesn't work. And we need to let go of that. It's like, Yes, it sounds snazzy, oh, this is a limiting belief. But your brain is not going to buy into that at a peak emotional state where you're really either agitated or scared, or whatever it may be. So what we're going to do instead here is instead of asking you this limiting you or not, it doesn't matter. The only thing we're going to ask, is this a true thing? Or is this a false belief? Is this a universal truth? Is this science? Is this physics? Is it have broad appeal to everybody in anybody, not just you? Or is this just a false belief that you happen to hold? Because once we do that, if we actually acknowledge and you recognize that this is a false belief, then you can give yourself permission to let go of it? Because you're not to say, Oh, I'm trying to bullshit myself when I go have a limiting belief, but you can say this is actually not true. And if That's not true. I'm willing to let go of that. Does that make sense? Why I hate that term so much?

Dr. Emil 25:06
Yeah. Yeah.

Itamar Marani 25:08
Great. So this is a three step process, you can use to really identify if a belief you hold is a universal truth, or if it's just a false belief that you happen to hold. So the first thing is you just write down? What's the belief or the rule? Right? The consequence overarching truth? What is it just write one of them down one by one? Then step number two is, you got to ask yourself, what was the context that it was formed? Under? Where did you learn in your life? If this was true? How did you form this belief? Okay, so you can think about it as in one, what situation caused you to think this way? When did you learn this? What time in your life? Did you learn this? Or who did you learn this from? These are a couple promises to again, get the context and understand why did I come to think this way? What happened there? And what caused me again, to say that this is actually how the world needs to work? Or otherwise? It doesn't make sense. And then the third part is, you ask yourself, what is actually true now, in today's world? And let's break that down into two things. One, is it relevant for me for who I am today, with my skill set with my experience with who I am today? Not who I was, when I was six years old? When I was 12 years old and awkward, or whatever it may be, but for who I am today, is this still relevant? Okay, and if you're still struggling with that, you can ask a different question. You can say, you know, what, what would be true for someone else, in this position, with this belief, I hope still apply to them. Or when I say actually, it's not actually how it works, this is my stuff. Because if you can say this doesn't apply to somebody else you can recognize this is probably just your stuff. And it's not a truth. Does that make sense?

Dr. Emil 26:56
Super, it makes a lot of sense. Can I give a live example, please? So step one, my belief would be that I need to hustle, work hard and do more to make money to make more money. So that's step one. Step two, where did that come from? From a young age, and you know about this, I was always pushed to be successful and academic and to work hard. It was first generation immigrant backgrounds, be a doctor, work hard, go to university work your whole life. And that is the pinnacle of success. So I've always applied that in my life. And you know, this year has been a bit of a change, and I'm learning new ways of approaching it. So then the final part, step three is does this still apply to me right now? Or what was the other one is this?

Itamar Marani 27:48
I say this, you're going about it the right way. But there's a big way to improve this. So what you're doing is this assessing my belief right now, instead of just assess the belief separated from you, just stressed as separated from you. So instead of saying, what's relevant to me now say, Is this actually the truth in the world?

Dr. Emil 28:07
Yeah. And it's not.

Itamar Marani 28:09
So what is the truth? What is actually true?

Dr. Emil 28:14
I mean, for sure, our hard work and money aren't correlated directly. Leverage is a thing and with certain skills and with with certain, you know, ways of applying things, you can totally decouple.

Itamar Marani 28:30
I don't work in money. Can I go deep on you a little

Dr. Emil 28:33
bit? Always, always, this is what this is about? Yeah. So

Itamar Marani 28:37
remember, in the first episode, we defined what winning life is to us. And I said, one of my principles is money isn't everything, but not having it? It's, yeah, not having it. It's terrible. Yeah. And I think what the belief that you really need to challenge is that I need more money in order to be happy. That belief was probably something that very much served you when you just wanted to get out of med school, and you had to make money in order to leave that life aside, not be a doctor anymore. But now the question is, will more money make you happy? And that's the belief that you really need to challenge because when we say the context that was formed, then you say, well, actually, when I left med school, I really needed to have money, because that life was terrible, and it didn't serve me. But now we can ask what's actually true today's world when you're actually making a lot of money, you have a lot of businesses and all that stuff going on. Was that actually true? Or what is actually true?

Dr. Emil 29:27
So and I agree with that, for sure. And it probably even goes further back then when I left being a doctor. But would both of those then in the context of this exercise be things which I would have written down in the I don't know, the in the belief section, they would both be worth working through and reframing Right?

Itamar Marani 29:49
Absolutely. And again, beyond reframing, because we're not trying to reframe here we're just trying to stress so this is just the truth or not. Yeah, forget about reframing positive light negative like this. Is this the truth? Because I think once you can see that something that you hold on to isn't the truth, as a smart, logic driven individual, as our listeners are, because that's where they're attracted to this kind of content. They say, You know what, I can give myself permission to let go of this because this is not truth. And I value myself as somebody who actually is able to see reality for what it is. And that's the deal with this.

Dr. Emil 30:23
And I'm sure you're about to talk about this. But okay, so I'm a logical person. And I know that money more money won't bring me more happiness. I know logically, on a surface level, I know that I don't need to work harder to make more money. But how do I like alright, permission to let it go? Great. That would be awesome. I'd love to just let it go. Permission to embody it as opposed to just logically surface level, believe it, like, what is the next level to hammer that home?

Itamar Marani 30:53
Okay, so you're skipping a step. And I do want to say one more thing before that. And it's a really important thing, just for our listeners, before we get too far, because we didn't say this was going to be a bit of a workshop. So to kind of recap how you can apply this three step process yourself to challenge a belief and see if it's true, if it's a universal truth, or it's just a false belief that you hold, because, again, write down the belief or truth, have it in front of you. Then ask yourself, what was the context that it formed under? Where did I learn this to be true in life? Okay, so what situation might have caused me to think this way? When did I learn this? Or who did I learn this from? Get that context? Then ask yourself what is actually true now in today's world for me of now? So is this relevant for who I am today, as far as my skill sets, my experiences, my abilities, who I am. And if that still doesn't resonate, you can ask yourself would, what would be true for someone else in this position? If you say, this is exactly the truth for anybody else in this position? That's the truth. That's gravity. Everybody who jumps off a building is going to fall? If not, and that's probably the belief that you hold that's worth testing. Okay. So now what you were saying about how do we embody that, here's the reality, you're not going to embody that all at once, you're not just gonna let go of it. It's a process. And I'm sure with your clients, when they go to a restaurant the first time they don't do it. The second time, they kind of do the cast himself in the middle, like, actually, I shouldn't be having all these fries, whatever it may be, the next couple of times able to pay to basically be ahead of the game, be a step ahead and catch it before it actually happens. Will that be accurate?

Dr. Emil 32:28
Yeah, and what I say to people is, look, you only need to nail this once. So it'll take 100 times. And that's fine. You just need to do the wraps, you just need to go through the process. The first step is awareness and bringing it more common more often to the situations.

Itamar Marani 32:44
Great, so let's move on though, we're gonna still wareness is the first to recognize that a, once you figure it out, if you hold these false beliefs, to ask yourself, is it worth to hold on to them or not? Like, have they weighed you down and cause you invalid stress? How do they cause you to take actions that don't actually serve you? And they deny you the things you really want in life, whether that's like clarity, courage, freedom, whatever it may be? And first assess, like, is this something that I want to let go of that I'm going to decide to make the effort to, like, go off, like how you said, people come to you, when they say, like, I don't want to be unhealthy anymore. You have to make that decision. Once you make that decision, then you make the next step in the process. And you figure out how you can be a step ahead of your own emotions. So me, let me ask you that, how do you think we're gonna be a step ahead of our emotions?

Dr. Emil 33:34
Again, I'm feeling like a naughty pupil who doesn't know.

Itamar Marani 33:39
She's, I'm asking complex, complex questions to you. So let me break it down. We're looking for certain cues. But first, these cues are going to say don't tell us that our emotions are starting to spike, but they're maybe not, you know, at 100 level yet. So we can catch them when there's just kind of, you know, just kind of settling and something's starting to agitate us a little bit poke at us a little bit in place they were uncomfortable with and a formula left to us, I don't know if it's a formula or a model, or whatever you call it. It's called ABC triangle. And it's a way to understand how you behave and you react to certain things. So the a is an effect. effect is your emotion. So when I get emotional, Western beliefs, people challenge them, I feel angry, I feel overwhelmed, they feel exhausted, nervous, agitated, scared, bewildered, whatever it may be. So that's the a of ABC triangle effect. The second one is B. That's body and behavior. Okay, so these are physical symptoms. So some people, when one of these beliefs start happening popping up in their heads, and the world is challenging it a little bit. They get cold sweats. Their hands shake, or they clench their fists, they get a pinch in their stomach. I personally I clench my jaw or crack my knuckles. Some people also have certain cravings for food, and I'm sure you know this very well. Some people slammed doors or, you know, type harder on their keyboard, whatever it may be. And the last part of the C is cognitive. And that's usually the self talk. And people have the stories, they tell themselves, like, Oh, no one cares. Who am I to, like we said, this will never work, this will never be fixed, I'll never get to where I want to, I'm not sure this will even make sense. All these kinds of things, they have self talk. Now, most of us lean more heavily into one angle of this ABC triangle. And that's like our flavor of choice, as far as to know what our cues are. A great way to actually figure these things out or a again, just to brainstorm and ask yourself. Last time, it was in a very big, emotional, high or low, however you want to call it? What did I think? What did I say to myself? What do you notice about my body? Again, how did I feel. And to take it a step further, instead of asking yourself that, you can ask someone who's around you trust. If you are in a relationship, and you can ask your significant other, they'll tell you a lot of things that you cannot see about yourself. That will seem extremely obvious to that, but you've never realized. Now, once you have these cues, and triggers kind of locked in, you can understand and say to yourself, Well, wait. Now that's something I need to be aware of. Because every time I feel a cold sweat, I know that something's going on here, one of my beliefs is being challenged. So let me take a step back for a second, this is a great time to take a step back and ask what's going on here? Am I feeling challenged? Because something is true? Or am I feeling challenged, because one of my beliefs is popping up here. And it's getting in my way, and I'm afraid, and that fear is causing this emotional sensation. Now what you can do about that is then in that moment, use a certain framework, and you can say, Okay, if I catch a certain trigger, or cue, then I can ask myself, what's behind this? What's going on? And is it actually true again, instead of belief? Or is it a truth? If it's true, then again, I'll address it, some situations in life just make us nervous. That's the reality of it. Some situations are more challenging. But if it's a false belief, then I'll remind myself of what's actually true, because I did the legwork ahead of time, and I did the exercises in pod and pause the podcast to do it. And because I know it's actually true, I'll proceed with that in mind. And again, this is where you will choose courage. You will say this doesn't feel comfortable. But I know this is truth. And that's what I'm going to deal with. That's how I'm going to move in the world. Now, the reason you shouldn't be doing it is again, you should have figured out what you want in life. And that should be the motivator and should remind yourself, why should I do this? Because in order to achieve whatever you want to achieve, I can't let previous experiences and false beliefs dictate my actions. As a three step formula, you can follow that if then, because if they have to trigger, then I will ask myself what's behind this? And is it true? And why should I do this? And why should I not act on these false beliefs? Because if I want to get to what I want to get to in life, I can't let this stuff guide me and dictate how I behave. Does that make sense?

Dr. Emil 38:17
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. So essentially, you've pre loaded a library of these things, you've spent the time to think about them and to think about what the true belief is. So that when you then experience a trigger, whether it's effects, so emotion, whether it's physical body, or whether it's cognitive, self talk, when you experience one of these, it reminds you to go back to your library, identify potentially, which false belief is occurring so that you can shine a light on it. So then decide if in this situation, it's true or not, is that is that about? Right?

Itamar Marani 39:00
100%. And like what you're saying here, which I want you guys to hear is Emile saying, you have to do the upfront work, to be able to deal with very challenging things in the moment, you cannot skip that step. It's, you have to have that little bit of honest humility, to accept that this is something you're going up against. And you have to do the preparation, you have to get prepared, you have to do the work for it. If you just try to show up when these emotions flare, and you have not done any of the legwork, and you haven't prepared yourself, understand what's true and what's not. There's no way in real time you're going to catch these things. No matter how tough you are, no matter how smart you are, it's not going to happen. You're already in an emotional state where you're not thinking logically. So to think you're gonna be able to employ logic all of a sudden out of nowhere. That's a big, big ask. And it's an unrealistic ask. However, if you already have gotten the logic part taken care of ahead of time. When you're in that emotional state, instead of trying to make it happen. You can just pull out of your pocket and say, Wait, when this happens, this is what I should be doing. And it's a giant part of that bear She learned in the military and was drilled into us, like you do not want to try to figure out solutions on the fly. If you can, when things are important enough, create a module ahead of time and mental module or physical module, whatever it may be. Because if you do that you can, when you're in real time, when things are stressful, you can make it happen. And I love to say the score, but you will not rise to the occasion, you will fall to your lowest level of training. And that's what it is internally. If this is your lowest level of training, and you put in the legwork, you can fly.

Dr. Emil 40:32
Yeah. Yeah. Again, I had something deeply insightful to say this. Left me but yeah, as you said, when you are in the moment, you're not, the next thing will happen. If you don't have a library to pull from, if you don't have these programs already ready to go, you will not be able to access them. Because you'll get distracted, you'll move on plus the emotion plus everything else. And what I will say is, like I said earlier, this will take 100 times before you can even access the library potentially. So you just need to keep going and keep trying and keep referring to the library. To get to build the skill of going through this process. You want to build the skill of being aware.

Itamar Marani 41:21
But I do want to say this. So I think a quick way to to make sure that it's like how you said we have to make this very impactful, you very quick for you to see that this is worthwhile. Go back to your top three rules or beliefs. Okay, mark those down? What are there. Now, for each one of them just think when's the next high impact event where they will likely arise? Just take five minutes to brainstorm that. If you just do that you're gonna get an immensely high ROI on your time. Okay, and then you got to ask yourself, What's the price if I come to these unprepared, and my emotions take over? And if it's worth it for me to take care of this, and do the little bit of legwork just for these top three? There's always the 8020 of 8020. And this is it. And also ask stuff like, again, what is there to gain if you actually execute on this correctly? Yeah, can we finish on that? I think we're ready.

Dr. Emil 42:15
I think I think we're good. I mean, that's, that's powerful.

Itamar Marani 42:17
Yeah. Oh, one more last thing. Last note, how Emile sang, it's gonna take you maybe 100 times to get this correct. Whenever you try to put this to action, and it doesn't work 100% correctly, you have two choices. One, you can get frustrated, and feel like you're failing of this. Or two, you can be an adult. And you can accept that you're not going to execute 100% successfully on your first go. This is a process. But it's a worthwhile process. It's up to you to make that decision. How are you going to think about it? What's going to be your mindset? How are you going to frame it? It's that simple.

Dr. Emil 42:53
It's just not easy. Mic drop. Yeah. So I hope you guys have gotten benefit from these two episodes back to back. And I hope that you did pause this episode to do this work because it's all well and good listening to this being pumped and motivated, feeling a warm glow inside and then not doing the work. Of course, nothing is going to change. And then you'll come back two or three years later be like I should have paused the episode. Yeah, you should have paused Yes. So to do it.

Itamar Marani 43:26
Right. That's all I got to say. Yeah. So I hope you enjoyed the episode again, as a reminder if you enjoyed it and you found valuable so I hope you enjoyed this episode. Again, as I mentioned at the beginning, since we recorded this, we have come out with the micro course and includes everything that we've gone through, and actually some little subtleties that we sharpen up a little bit. So if you want to get access to that with the worksheets so that you don't have to think about what did they say here where they say they are but just plug along so you can really see success as easily as possible. Go to Itamar marani.com/course. It's in the show notes and access it there. Have a great week. Thank you for listening to the emotional fortitude podcast. Please tell a friend if you enjoyed it and found value in it. Three last things before you go though. If you feel like someone else with your exact skill set and abilities could be accomplishing more than you currently are. And that's a mindset and emotional access issue. And here are three ways I'd love to help you conquer any internal limitations go big and win one three quick ideas Tuesday newsletter, it's a weekly email with three quick ideas around one aspect of elite performance and how to force you differently to get better and faster results. People say it's the most thought provoking and impactful two minutes they spend in their inbox each week. It's easy to sign up to and easy to cancel and you can sign up at Itamar marani.com/three ideas to is the emotional fortitude micro course. It will help you build the emotional fortitude and conflict tackle any goal it's the complete nothing held back emotional fortitude system and five simple parts. It's all under five minutes each module. See it, use it and when And it's completely free at Itamar marani.com/course. And number three Lastly, if you want to dive in and aggressively level up, the Reno mindset accelerate might be for you. It's a six week intense sprint for entrepreneurs who are up for dramatic transformation. It's an interactive live program where we'll be working with me in a very hands on way to get clarity on what you want. Build an effective mindset to optimize for your goals, and establish elite emotional fortitude that will allow you to overcome any fear or doubt that can get in your way. You can learn more at Itamar marani.com/accelerate. You can find all of these links in the show notes below or go to Itamar marani.com and have a look around. Until next time, Who Dares Wins.